It’s just after 4:00 p. m. when I arrive home. I’m feeling super flat after having lunch with the girls.
I know they are only trying to look out for me, and I know that most people are going to react the same way and I need to get over it, but I guess it feeds my deepest fear with Nathan. No matter how much we love each other, I will never be everything that he needs. And no matter how hard I try…
I open the door, dejected, and I look around my apartment. We’re supposed to be moving into the new apartment this week.
Supposed to be. What the fuck does that mean?
I am moving in with Nathan, and you know what? He’s right. I am an asshole.
I didn’t want anyone to see us last night because I was afraid of the reaction.
Afraid of judgment, and it happened today with my closest friends.
And Nathan had every right to be disappointed in me. Damn it, I’m disappointed in myself.
I storm through my apartment.
I’m going to snap out of this sad mood and start packing. I’m moving in with a wonderful man who loves me, and I don’t give a damn what anyone else says. This is our love story. The world and their opinions can go fuck themselves.
I throw my bag down, get changed into some comfy clothes, and I begin to go through the kitchen. I throw things into boxes like a woman on a mission. With every item I pack, a little of my doubt disappears. I work and work, and I’m sitting on the floor going through my Tupperware cupboard when the door buzzes.
I climb up and go to the security buzzer. “Hello?”
“I have a delivery for Eliza Bennet.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll be right down.”
I make my way into the foyer and see a man standing with the biggest bunch of deep red roses I’ve ever seen. “Eliza Bennet?”
“Yes?” I beam in excitement.
He hands me a screen. “Sign here, please.”
“Thank you.” He passes me the roses, and I dance back to the elevator.
I ride to my floor with a huge goofy grin on my face, and I run down the hall to my apartment. I open the door and tear open the small white envelope.
Truly. Madly. Deeply.
xox
I hold the card to my chest and swoon. “Oh, I love you too.”
I stare at the beautiful roses and inhale their perfume. I count them. There are forty-eight in total. I don’t even have enough vases for all of them. I smile as my heart sings.
He gets it.
He’s the only one who gets what’s between us, and damn it, I’m all in.
I lie in the deep bath and relax into the steamy room.
After my confidence crisis today, I’m feeling much better. I have a couple of glasses of red wine under my belt, and I’ve cooked dinner. Now, I’m soaking in the tub as I wait for my man.
I hear the door and then his keys clang as they hit the side table. He appears at the door. His eyes roam over my naked body, and he gives me a slow, sexy smile as he leans against the doorframe. “Hey, there.”
I sink down in the bath as I smile under the water, my eyes above it. “Hi.”
He undoes his tie with a jerk, his dark eyes holding mine. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?”
I open my legs as an invitation. “Get in here with me, Mercer.”
He walks in and bends down to take my nipple in his teeth. “I would but this bath is too fucking small.” He kisses me. “I can’t wait for this new apartment. Get out here with me.”
He takes my hand and I stand. His eyes drop down my body, and he bites his bottom lip, as if excited. He wraps me in a towel and begins to dry me.
“Thank you for my roses.”
His hand goes to between my legs, and he parts me with his fingers. “You’re most welcome.”
We fall silent as he strokes me there, enticing bad things. “I got you another present, too.”
“You did?”
He finishes drying me and takes my hand. He leads me into the living room, where a black box with red ribbon sits on the table. He picks it up and passes it to me.
“What is it?” I smile.
“Something for you… that’s also something for me.” His hand cups my breast and his thumb dusts over my hardened nipple. “Something for us.”
I frown, untie the ribbon and slide the lid off the box, and my eyes widen.
There sits two silver butt plugs in a black, velvet-fitted tray. They look designer or something-expensive and heavy. One is medium and one is large.
My eyes rise to his as I swallow my fear.
“I’ve never…”
“I know.” He leans down and kisses me, his mouth sucking on mine. My legs instinctively part. “That’s what these are for… to get you ready.”
“Ready?” I whisper.
“Training.”
“Oh…”
He licks up my neck. “I need you there, Eliza. Fuck. I’ve never needed anything so bad. It’s all I can think about.”
What… this is all he’s thinking about?
My eyes close. I can’t think when his tongue is on me. “Okay…” I catch sight of us in the mirror-me naked and him towering over me in his custom blue suit.
He kisses me hard. “Come.” He takes my hand and pulls me into the bedroom. My heart begins to race with fear.
Nathan’s big. Huge! I’m a wimp. These things don’t meld well together. This could be a fucking disaster.
He lies me down on the bed and spreads my legs out wide until they are touching the mattress. He takes the box from me. He carefully inspects the two butt plugs.
“I think we’ll start with the medium one.” He takes the smaller one out of the box and holds it up for me to see. It’s big and silver and looks like it has no right to be doing the rude things he wants it to.
“So?” He trails it up between my breasts slowly. “Here’s how this is going to go. I’m going to put this in.”
My scared eyes hold his.
“And then I’m going to make you come so fucking hard that your body will nearly snap it in two.”
Fuck. I have no words for this situation.
“After a while of doing this, your body is going to recognize that something going in here,”-he rubs his finger over my back entrance and gently eases the very tip of his finger in-“is pleasure.”
I stare at him, fully dressed in his business suit and having this conversation, as cool as a cucumber.
He kisses me as my senses begin screaming.
Why does he want to do this?
Aren’t I enough?
“How does that sound?” he breathes against my lips.
I nod, nervously. “Good.”
He puts his finger under my chin and brings my face up to his. He wants more than that.
I want to please him. I desperately want to be everything that he physically needs. “A little scary,” I whisper.
A trace of a smile crosses his face. “I’ll never hurt you.”
Not physically you won’t, but are you going to rip my heart out!
“I know,” I lie.
He puts the butt plug into his mouth, and my insides clench as I watch him suck on it. He slides it in and out a few times, and then he puts it in my mouth. “Suck,” he commands.
I close my eyes when I feel the hard-heavy metal in my mouth, and I suck it. I twirl my tongue around the tip, opening my mouth so that he can see. He loves it when I do this to his dick.
He inhales sharply as he watches, his hungry eyes fixed on my tongue.
“I’m going to have a quick shower. Keep warming this up in your mouth for when I get back.”
He bends and kisses my forehead, and then he stands and goes to the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on and the deafening sound of the pounding of my heart echoes in my ears.
Why does he want to do this? Does he miss anal?
I suck on the large, hard, metal thing in my mouth… warming it up for my ass.
God.
I know I said I wanted a big, bad man to teach me bad things, so perhaps he’s doing just that. But after the conversation with the girls today, this all seems a bit too real.
On one hand, the thought of something new excites me. On the other hand, it reminds me of his past life. I know that it shouldn’t but it does and I don’t like it.
Stop it.
I hear the shower turn off.