I watch on as a woman approaches him. He says something to her, and they both laugh. Oh, I’ve met her before. She’s a doctor. Pretty, too. She’s at some of the balls we go to. I forget her name, though. They continue to laugh and talk for a few minutes. Nathan says something, and she rubs his upper arm. Her body languages seems flirty.
I watch on for a moment, my eyes fixed on them, and then he says something and she laughs out loud. He steps into the elevator, he says something else, and she laughs out loud again. What’s so funny, bitch?
I begin to hear my jealous heartbeat in my ears.
I’m snapped out of my daydream by the words, “Coffee for Eliza.”
I get my coffee and turn to look up the hall. The same flirty woman is now talking to another doctor, and she’s laughing with him, too. That must be just her personality. I shrug my shoulders and make my way back upstairs.
This jealousy thing is new. Now that I know he’s attracted to women, the goalposts have been moved again. Every relationship with his friends is new, and it makes me wary of everyone now. I know I need to cut this jealousy out; nothing good could ever come from it. I make my way back upstairs to find that Henry is still working on his computer.
“We only have three surgeries this morning and then we will call it a day. Early mark.”
I say as I sit down at my desk. “I have to start packing. I’m moving this week.”
“Where to?”
“The other side of town. Nathan just bought a new place.”
“Nice.”
“Not the moving part.” I sigh. “I’m dreading it.”
“True. Do you want to go grab some Italian for lunch? I’m craving carbs.”
“I can’t, I’m meeting my friends for lunch.” I open my computer. “And besides, I’m all carbed out. Operation slimdown starts today or else I’m not going to fit in this chair for much longer.”
He chuckles. “Okay, I’ll eat enough for the two of us.”
I smile broadly. “Deal.”
* * *
I sit in the café waiting for Brooke and Jolie. I’m nervous to tell them everything that’s been going on. I’ve missed them, and I can only hope that they are as excited as I am. I spoke to April today, and she’s ecstatic. I’m not telling mom and dad until I see them in person.
Brooke and Jolie walk in, and I can hear Jolie laughing.
“Hello.” They both kiss me and fall into their seats. “How was Majorca?” Brooke smiles.
“Look at your tan,” Jolie gushes. “You look so refreshed.”
“It was fantastic and I am so refreshed.”
The waitress comes over. “Can I take your order?” I quickly scan the choices.
“I’ll have a Greek salad with poached chicken, and a mineral water, please,” I say.
“Oh, me, too,” Jolie says.
“Me, three,” Brooke pipes in. “But can I have a Diet Coke instead?”
“Sure thing.” The waitress leaves us alone.
We chat for a few minutes about Majorca and what’s been going on back here.
I turn to my friends; how do I word this…. I’ll start with deflection, “Um, how is Santiago?”
“Don’t encourage her.” Brooke scoffs.
Jolie rolls her eyes. “You get yourself some sex that is this good and then you can compare, okay?”
“Is it really good?” I smirk.
“I’m not even fucking joking, Eliza.” She grabs my hand across the table. “My legs are jelly for half an hour after sex because the orgasms are so good. I can’t even get up to go to the toilet.”
“Does he film you while you go to the toilet?” Brooke asks, deadpan.
“No, but he did ask me to pee on him the other night.”
“Oh God,” Brooke cries. “What the fuck?”
I burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”
The waitress puts our drinks onto the table. “Thank you,” we all reply.
“You know, like squirting.” Jolie shrugs.
Brooke’s eyes widen as she leans closer. “What do you mean, like squirting?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know what squirting is?” Jolie whispers. “Who are you? Motherfucking Theresa?” She turns her attention to me. “You know squirting, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I frown. “Everyone knows what squirting is, but I do think that actual real squirting is different to porn squirting.”
Jolie points her fork at me. “Right, so do I. There lies the question.”
Brooke frowns as she looks between us. “What are you talking about?”
Our salads are put on the table in front of us. “Thanks.”
I continue explaining, “So, some women, when they orgasm, squirt their come out of their pussy.”
Brooke screws up her face in disgust. “What… like a clamshell?”
Jolie and I laugh. “Yes, exactly.”
“But in porn,” I explain, “women piss while they are taking it up the ass, or they piss while they are getting fucked.”
“Why on earth would someone want to piss while they fuck?” Brooke whispers, mortified. “That’s just fucking wrong, and who’s cleaning the goddamn sheets?”
“It’s supposed to be a turn on.” Jolie shrugs. “God, Brooke, you really need to get out more.”
Brooke widens her eyes. “Obviously.”
“Anyway,” Jolie says. “He wants me to squirt on him.”
“Are you going to?” I wince.
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “Why not?” She takes a forkful of her salad. “And he asked me last night if I wanted his friend to join us in bed.”
Brooke and I stare at her, dumbfounded.
“Who are you?” Brooke holds her temples. “I can’t deal with this guy. He’s stressing me out.”
“You know what?” Jolie scoffs as she chews a huge mouthful of food. “He’s fucking hot, that’s who he is. I’m in the prime of my life, and I’m having fun while I can. Fuck it.”
“And fuck all his friends,” Brooke mutters dryly. “If you film that, I swear to God, I’m getting you sectioned in a fucking straight jacket.”
I get the giggles. This really is hilarious.
Jolie picks up her drink and frowns as she stares into it. “Oh no, a little bug just flew into my drink.”
“Scoop it out,” I say.
“Well, I can’t drink it now, it’s ruined.”
Brooke looks at her. Deadpan. “I know for a fact that you’ve had worse things in your mouth.”
Jolie rolls her eyes, and I giggle.
“So, tell us about your trip?” Brooke says to change the subject.
I swallow my food whole and it scrapes all the way down my throat. “Well.” I hit my chest to try and make the food go down. “Something happened… something wonderful.”
They continue to eat.
“Nathan and I…” My voice trails off.
They both look up from their plates, waiting for my reply.
“We… we… fell in love.”
Brooke’s fork hits the plate with a clang. “What?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “We’ve been having these feelings.”
“Since when?” Jolie screws up her face.
“Before we went away, Nathan told me that he had feelings for me, and it kind of went from there and just happened.”
They look at each other, and then look back to me, horrified.
“Eliza, he’s gay,” Jolie says.
“N-no,” I stammer. “He’s just been with men before. It doesn’t mean he’s completely gay.”
“Eliza, honey.” Brooke takes my hand over the table me. “Don’t mistake one night of sex with love.”
“It’s not just sex. We’re in love. I thought you’d be happy for us.”
“Eliza, men don’t just turn straight one day. It doesn’t happen,” Jolie says softly.
“Well, it did.” I shake my head, disappointed in their reaction, but on some level, I knew it was coming.
“It didn’t,” Brooke says. “Babe, he’s been having sex with men for twenty years. He’s probably going to go back to wanting men. I know he loves you as a friend, Eliza. He’s mistaking the two. You can’t be so gullible as to think that you could actually hold onto him. You don’t have the equipment he needs. No man ever turns gay to straight and stays that way forever.”
I stare at her in disappointment as she holds my hand.
“Babe, he’s probably curious and he cares about you. He sleeps with you every night, and it’s confusing his emotions.”
My face falls.
Brooke squeezes my hand. “Whatever you do, you can’t fall in love with him. This is a heartbreak waiting to happen.”
My eyes well with tears, I hate that they are saying out loud my greatest fear. “Don’t say that,” I whisper. “It’s too late, I already am in love.”
They sit silent as they watch me angrily wipe away my tears.
“You know, I thought my two best friends would be happy for me to finally fall in love.”
“We are,” they say.
“But you just can’t fall in love with Nathan.”
“Why not?”
“Nathan is perfect,” Brooke says softly. “Honey, if there were any chance that this could work, I would be dancing in the streets because Nathan is the perfect man. But this is going to end badly… for you. Not him, but for you.”
I stare at her as I process her words.
“He won’t even be able to help it, Lize,” Jolie says. “He’s going to be out one night or at a conference, and he’ll have a few drinks, and some guy is going to pique his interest. You can’t pretend to be someone you’re not forever. Primal instincts don’t work that way.” She takes my other hand in hers. “I’m sorry, baby, but this is a tragedy waiting to happen.”
I snatch my hands out of theirs. “You’re wrong. We are moving in with each other permanently this week.”
“Oh God,” Jolie whispers as she puts her head into her hands. “Have you lost your fucking mind?”
I can’t take this. I need to get away from their hurtful words. I screw up my napkin and throw it onto the table. “You know what, I’m not listening to this. I’m happy for the first time in years. I’m fucking happy.” I get up. “And if my friends can’t support me…”
“Sit down!” Brooke snaps as she grabs my arm. “You’re not going anywhere.”
I sit back down.
“It’s our duty of care to you as our friend to warn you of potential dangers,” Brooke says.
“Yes, like you told me Santiago is a bad idea,” Jolie says.
“That is a bad idea.” I pick up my fork again.
“Lize.” Brooke sighs sadly. “Yours is much worse.”
“Nathan is your whole world. He has been for years,” Jolie says. “How do you think you’re going to cope if he leaves you for a man?”
I get a lump in my throat, almost feeling the betrayal wash over me. “I wouldn’t,” I whisper.
Jolie and Brooke stare at me, as if unsure what to say next.
“Anyway,” Brooke says to change the subject. “Back to squirting. What do I put into Google?”
“Go to Pornhub and type squirting into the search bar,” Jolie says. “I can’t believe you don’t know this shit.” She rolls her eyes. “You are one frigid, old mole.”
The girls continue talk and chatter but I can’t concentrate. My mind is fixed on one sentence only:
How do you think you’re going to cope if he leaves you for a man?”