Eliza
I walk inside with a heavy heart, and I get into the elevator.
Damn it, what the hell is wrong with me? The one time… the only fucking time, that Nathan needed me to be there for him, and I couldn’t do it. I was so self-absorbed, so green with envy over her.
Ugh, I can’t even say her name without twitching. Stephanie.
I close my eyes in regret. Why didn’t I handle this better? So, he likes another girl. So he told me about it. Would I rather he lied?
And here I was thinking that me and him were perhaps…having moments.
I close my eyes and bump the back of my head onto the elevator wall.
You idiot.
God, Eliza, this takes the cake for the most selfish dick move of all time.
Your best friend opens up and tells you he’s confused about his sexuality, and you get angry with him.
I’m a selfish fucking cow.
The doors of the elevator open, and I stare out into the corridor for a moment.
I can’t go inside feeling like this. I hit the ground button, hard. I’m going over there. Nathan needs me, and God damn it, I’m going to show up.
This is not about me, this is about him. Why would I act like this?
Jealousy. God damn it, why am I so selfish?
Twenty minutes later, I get out of my cab outside Nathan’s apartment.
I dial his number as I peer up to the lights on the tenth floor.
“What’s wrong?” he answers.
“I’m downstairs.”
“What, why?”
“Are you letting me in or not?” I ask in frustration.
“I’ll call the doorman.” The phone goes dead.
I pace as I wait out on the sidewalk. Nathan’s building’s security is tight, and this is the first time I’ve come here without him. He’s always at my house. I’ve never needed a key to his. Jolie’s words come back to me.
It’s his booty-call place.
My stomach rolls at the thought. God, I really need to get a handle on myself here. What in the hell is all this ownership about? Moments later, the doorman opens the door to the building.
“Eliza?”
“Yes.”
“Come in.” He gestures to the lift with his hand and then swipes his security pass and presses the button to level ten.
“Thank you.” I smile, and he gives me a kind nod.
I ride to level ten with nerves dancing in my stomach. After being shocked into silence all weekend, I’ve suddenly so much I want to say. Not that any of it makes sense…
The elevator opens to the private landing. The apartments in this building take up an entire floor. The door opens, and there he stands, wearing gray sweatpants and a T-shirt.
“Hi.”
I force a smile. “Hi.”
His hair is wet, and he’s freshly showered. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to apologize.”
“For what?”
“Being a crappy friend.”
His eyes hold mine.
“It was just such a shock, you know? I didn’t mean to get angry.”
He gestures to the door and I walk past him into his apartment to look around at the swanky surroundings. Why he stays at my little dumpy apartment every night, I’ll never know.
The floor is polished slate with oversized rugs over it, and the walls are all distressed brick with huge colorful abstract art hanging from them. It’s set out like a trendy warehouse apartment. It’s state of the art and it looks more like a funky bar than a home.
Nathan walks in and through to the kitchen. I tentatively follow him, unsure what to say. The kitchen is black, stainless steel with copper appliances. He goes to the tall wine fridge that goes nearly to the ceiling and has a glass door. He takes out a bottle of red wine and holds it up in question.
“Please.” I nod and watch on as he pours two glasses.
He sits down on the other side of the island counter and takes his wine to his lips as his eyes hold mine.
“Can we talk about it?” I ask.
He shrugs, uninterested.
“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. That’s okay, too,” I offer. “I can just be here, you know, in case you need me.” I hold my hand out over the counter and he stares down at it.
“You know that I need you, Eliza.” He sighs sadly. “That was never in question.”
“I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
I don’t know what he has going on inside of that beautiful mind of his, but I want to be here for him. I love Nathan. I need to swallow my hurt and help him work this out.
He eventually takes my hand and squeezes it in his. He takes a sip of his red wine, and then swirls it around in his mouth as he watches me. The act is almost sensual.
And it’s there again; this feeling that bounces between us. Only now I know for certain that it’s all in my head, and yet I still feel it.
I get a lump in my throat and I want to howl to the moon.
“You tired?” he asks.
I nod. “It’s been a long day.”
“You should take a shower.”
“I will.”
We stare at each other. His eyes are dark, and I feel like he wants to say something, but then he doesn’t. What is he thinking?
It’s like I’m dealing with a completely different man-one I don’t know.
I pick up my wine glass and walk into Nathan’s bedroom, and then through to the bathroom, which is mostly made from beautiful, natural green stone. There’s a huge pendant light that hangs over the big, black bathtub that sits in the center of the room.
We really should stay here more often. It’s beautiful.
Oh, but that’s right…. I won’t even be here soon.
Stephanie will.
Stop it.
Dejected, I take a sip of my wine and put it down onto the counter. I turn the hot water on in the shower. I take my T-shirt off over my head.
“Can I get you anything?” he asks.
I turn to see Nathan leaning on the doorframe as he watches me. We stare at each other, and God, he’s not the only one confused here. I have so many feelings running through my body. Empathy, jealousy and now when I look at him… ownership. Nathan is mine, and I can’t imagine another woman laying a hand on him. I just can’t stand it.
I close my eyes in regret before I open them again. Cut it out.
“No.” I smile. “Thanks.”
“You hungry?”
“Not really, are you?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Let’s just go to bed, hey? It’s been a big day.” I don’t even know what to say to him so I’ll just avoid the entire topic. Bed is the easiest option here.
“Okay.”
We stare at each other for a moment. It’s as if he’s waiting for something, but god knows what it is.
“Are you all right?” I ask.
He nods, but he looks so sad.
Empathy fills me, and I smile softly and hold my arms out for him. “Nathe, come here, baby.”
He hugs me. We squeeze each other tightly and stay in each other’s arms for a long time. I can feel his torment.
“Can I do anything to help?” I whisper.
“Just be here.” He kisses my temple.
“Okay.” I hold him tighter. “I can do that.”
“I’ll let you shower.” He leaves the room and, oh man, I feel like a bitch. I shower as quickly as I can and then throw my pajamas on before I walk out to find Nathan already in bed. He’s lying on his side with his back to me.
“You’re not reading tonight?” I ask.
“I’m tired.”
“Okay.” I switch off the lamp and climb in behind him. I’m unsure if I should touch him or not.
“Cuddle my back,” he murmurs.
I smile and snuggle up to his back. I kiss it. “Good night, Nathe.”
“Night, babe.”