I walked around while waiting for the results of the pregnancy test I bought. I feel like a fool to be restless and I don’t know how to react. Recently, I have been vomiting more often. I searched for possible reasons why people vomit, especially women, and one of the things I read was that she might be pregnant, and I realized that I haven’t even had my period yet.
That’s why I have different tastes in food. Then I always feel tired. That’s one of the reasons and I’m just not aware of it. When Ervic came here and I didn’t like the taste of the coffee, it might be one of the signs. And since Ervic doesn’t know anything either, we are both unaware.
“OWEMGEE!”
I held my mouth when I saw the results of the ten clear blue pregnancy tests. Yes, ten, to make sure. Everything is written the same.
POSITIVE.
I held my stomach and then sat on the toilet. It just means that my stomach has a baby and it only means one thing—-I’m pregnant and I’m going to be a mother.
But if I’m going to be a mommy, it should have a daddy. Because if not, my daddy might kill me. I can’t announce that I’m pregnant without a daddy. Brother Dylan might just strangle me. After he spoiled me and gave me everything, I will only have a bastard child because there is no father.
“Shit!” That’s Daze, stupid. Where are you saying it’s ok to not have a daddy as long as there is a baby with the man you love? Are you in trouble now? You are really dead to your brother Dylan.
“DAZE!”
“Dimwit!” I was surprised when Ervic slammed the bathroom door. I’m sorry, I forgot that he was outside waiting for the result that you thought he was the father of. “HEY!”
“What result?” he asked me upon entering. Can’t paint the face because it looks like excitement.
“If you’re not blind and you know how to look—-there it is, look.” I point to the pregnancy kit lined up.
“Fuck!” He stared at PT and then looked at me. “You’re pregnant?”
“Obviously, unless there is one there that I didn’t notice and it says negative.”
“I thought it was just a stomach ache.”
“Stomach is your face.”
No one spoke to us. He was looking at the PTs and I was looking at him. I don’t know what’s going through his mind and I’m nervous that I don’t know why. You can be excited because you’re going to have a baby. I can also be nervous because of the reaction of my family—–especially mommy.
I know my family can accept me no matter what. Whether there is a father or not. But I have to accept that for sure they will get disappointed in me. Especially my mom and brother Dylan. They will definitely be hurt if I can give them a father’s name.
Yes, I can’t tell anyone because I won’t say that Enrique is the father of my child. I also have no intention of telling him that this is his baby. He will take care of his life and I will take care of my baby. My baby will NOT be miserable even if he doesn’t have a father because I will make sure that I will not lack him.
Of course, but it’s still different when the family is whole. But how can my son’s family be formed, it’s not enough to spit on my father’s face to make me look like he doesn’t like me? I don’t want him to be kind to me just because I’m carrying his child. My baby is mine.
“Hey!”
“What?!”
“What are you planning now?”
“What am I planning? Don’t tell my family I’m pregnant.”
“I don’t care about your family. I’m talking about my brother.”
“What do I care about your brother?”
“That’s probably his baby.”
“Are you sure?” But he just frowned at me.
“What are you talking about?”
“You are not sure who is its father because there is only one thing for sure here—-I am the mother.”
“Stop me. I know that’s my brother’s baby.”
“Why is there a name written on my stomach?” I also pointed to my stomach and even lifted my clothes, which he immediately took down.
“Stop it.” But I roll my eyes. It just might get through. Even though it was obvious that Enrique was really the father. “So, what? What are you planning now? That’s my brother’s baby, right?”
“Yes, what if it’s his baby, it’s my baby too.”
“When are you going to tell him?”
“Why would I?”
“You won’t let my brother know?”
“No.”
“What? Why?”
“Your brother is not deserving. He doesn’t like me, he’ll be stubborn until he gets old and passes away, and he won’t know that it’s his baby. And don’t say anything or else I will kill you.” But I didn’t mean it.
“I ‘m afraid.” But he said it teasingly. “If you don’t tell him. What will you tell your parents? Who got you pregnant?”
“I had a drunk and had a one-night stand. Accidentally, and I didn’t mean to.”
‘Sorry baby. But sometimes–you have to sacrifice someone for the sake of everyone. I’m going to do this for us and let’s not involve your daddy. who surpasses Rapunzel in the length of his hair.’
“Are you crazy?”
“You just found out now?”
“That baby is a Locsin. That’s my nephew and I won’t allow him to not carry our last name.”
I suddenly thought of something because of what gay said. The idea is pop. It was like there was a yellow light shining shimmering above my head.
“Ervic?”
“What?”
“How about you will stand a father of my child?”
“What?!” Gay’s voice rumbled like thunder inside the bathroom. Overcame the god of thunder in strength. Even real men are completely ashamed of being manly.
“I said, you just stand as a daddy to your nephew.”
“Don’t involve me in your nonsense?”
“I am serious. You just claim my baby.”
“Nah!” And he left me.
“Ervic!” I quickly stood up to follow him. He went straight to the living room. “Hey!”
“Don’t involve me in your nonsense, Daze. Your madness is getting too much.” He took the bag and was about to leave but I quickly blocked the door.
“Listen—”
“SHH!” But he blocked his finger in my mouth while frowning. “I don’t want to hear anything.”
“Ervic.” My voice was pleading.
“Don’t involve me in your nonsense, ok? Because when you built that I wasn’t there. It’s just the two of you so don’t involve me in your problem.”
“Ervic, this is your nephew. They aren’t you gay and no one knows you are gay.”
“So?”
“What I am trying to say is—- don’t you want to expose your gayness? Not ready yet? So accept my baby child first. Claim it so you have a child. At least you don’t have to look for an heir or a child from someone else. You don’t need to fuck someone to have a baby. This is your nephew. Locsin. Your flesh and blood. Unless you are adopted.”
“Damned!”
“Baks, you have nothing to lose if you stand up for it. I’m saving you so no one will know your secret. I will cover your secret and cover mine, too. Let’s both cover up with secrets and stench. Because we are BFFs.”
“You were manipulated.”
“Yeah right.”
“Why don’t you want to tell my brother about that?”
“Well, it’s not like you said that he’s going to hate me forever.”
“Even if he gets angry with you, even if he beats you, but that won’t happen—–he will still accept his baby. You know, let that be a way for him to be kind to you.”
“You’re talking too much. Leave now. I still thought we were friends and I could count on you. Then now you leave me in the air. It’s not whose child it is. This is your brother’s baby and your nephew’s. Go ahead and maybe I’ll bother you.”
I turned around and wiped my tears. Shit, why am I crying? There is no reason to cry but why am I crying? I thought he was on my side and now he’s leaving me. I feel like I will be alone because he will leave me too.
“What if your family asks me to marry you? Or if I tell my brother that I got you pregnant, he will say that I will marry you, what should I do?”
I didn’t answer and I took the blanket from the sofa. I sobbed under the blanket. I really don’t know why I’m crying. I don’t know and I feel like no one really loves me and my baby anymore.
“Hey, what are you crying over there? Do you know that will harm the baby?” But I didn’t answer and just sobbed and sobbed. “Would you please stop crying?”
“Get out.”
“Daze.”
“I know that no one loves me. But it’s ok, the only thing that matters to me right now is my baby.”
“That’s not true, you know I love you.”
“You’re just saying that, if you really love me you should sympathize with me in times of need and you should be there for me. Especially if you have the ability to help and you have nothing to lose.” I heard him sigh and the room was covered with silence.
“Don’t cry or my nephew’s face might get worse. I will claim the baby and if they ask me to marry you, I will agree.”
I secretly smiled under the blanket but didn’t come out. I sobbed even more so that he would feel sorry for me. Sorry right now Ervic, but I need your fucking help.
“Daze, don’t cry, please. That will harm the baby. I will be a father, and I promise to marry you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, don’t cry, then that’s my nephew.” I reached out my hand to hug him. He also hugged me so we were both inside the blanket.
“Thanks.”
“TSS! Courage to create a problem and now look for an ally.” And he touched my belly. “So you in there, don’t imitate your crazy mother here. It’s already difficult and you may find it difficult to suppress more people.”
“Thanks, Ervic, I love you.”
“I have no choice. I love you, too.”