Darren’s POV
I did not know what came to my mind when I decided to be the escort of Jeyah at the Valentine’s Party held in the UP campus. I never had done like this before. I mean, it’s always the ladies who asked me to be their escort. It sounds conceited, but that’s true. It’s because I never experienced admiring someone in my entire life. It’s always me who is given much attention and it’s always me who is adored and loved. That was all I ever wanted from the beginning.
But since I met Jeyah, everything turned the other way around. I’m the one who is giving her much attention. I drove her home, I called her, and I even gave her a bouquet of flowers through a delivery. And most of all, I offered to be her escort at this Valentine’s Party. I find all of these very unusual.
And the fact that she is with me now, gives me an overwhelming emotion.
It’s my first time feeling this way. Is this what they called ‘love’?
Until the sweet music echoed on the dance floor. I offered my hand to her for a dance and it was like heaven for me. I held her waist while her hands were on my shoulder. Now I’m determined to let her know my feelings but not here, maybe in some private place. We stared at each other for some time without words but only our eyes were talking.
Damn! I lost control and I kissed her. It was too late when I realized it was wrong. Until the music stopped and we went back to our seats.
Another sweet music was requested and so everyone went back to the dance floor.
Suddenly, Bridgette approached me and pulled my hand to dance with her. It was just so quick that I wasn’t able to say ‘no’ to her.
I took a little glimpse at Jeyah and I know she was not feeling good. But when I saw her dancing with a guy, I suddenly got pissed off. I think jealousy was killing me deep inside especially when I noticed she was enjoying herself with him.
What a f**ck*ng shit! My blood boils through my veins, like I wanted to punch that guy so hard.
Being jealous is my damn weakness and I have nothing to do about it. My mood was totally ruined so I pulled Bridgette closer to me and kissed her. I kissed her out of annoyance. I became very impulsive without realizing what would be the possible consequence of my action. All I know was I’m f*ck*ng jealous of Jeyah and that f*ck*ng guy!
As l looked back at Jeyah and her partner, they were no longer on the dance floor. So I told Bridgette to go back to our seats. Actually, her group mates were just sitting not far from us.
I quickly took my steps towards the direction of our table and there I saw Jeyah hugging Clarisse and I heard she was sobbing. I tried to approach her, but she ran hurriedly, heading to the ladies’ room.
“Baebubs! Wait… are you alright?”, I called her but she did not listen. I feel so worried about her because I know she was hurt.
I followed her to the ladies’ room and waited for her to come out. I leaned on the wall, with my eyes closed hoping that Jeyah will be alright. God! What have I done?
The feeling of regret filled my heart and I don’t know how to make things right. I’ve waited for another few minutes until she came out of the ladies’ room. I looked at her swollen eyes and God, I’m hurt too.
“Baebubs, I’m so sorry… I did–“, I mumbled, trying to explain my side but Jeyah did not give me a chance to finish my sentence. She looked at me as if nothing happened.
“What are you sorry for, bubs? Is it because you kissed me or because you kissed Bridgette?”, she asked casually.
“It’s okay bubs. It was just nothing. Please drive me home now”, she softly uttered, averting her gaze from me.
I nodded and followed her all the way to our table. She told our group mates that she’s not feeling well, so she had to go ahead.
There was a total silence when we were inside the car. I’ve waited for her to speak up but she remained quiet. After a while, I heard her speaking.
“Bubs, you asked me a while ago why I called you Ryle, right?”
I nodded and waited for her to say something more.
“Well, Ryle was my first love, but he passed away seven years ago.”, she said, and I could feel the sadness in her voice.
I stopped the car, somewhere because I was shocked by what she said.
“You mean, you see Ryle in me? Do I look exactly like him?”, I asked curiously while looking at her facial expression.
She nodded and took a glimpse at me.
“Do you still love him?”, I asked again, hoping she would give me a different answer. But I was wrong…
“Yes bubs, I still love him and I will always love him”, she answered, certainly.
I feel like I was stabbed by a sharp knife, leaving a deep hole inside my heart. I started the engine and pulled the driveway. I did not ask her again because I’m afraid I would hear again something that would intensify the pain.
Until we reached her residence in Loyola Heights. I went out of the car and opened the door for her.
“Thank you bubs for driving me home”, she said and walked through the wicket gate of their house.
“Thank you baebubs. Please tell your brother I won’t get inside anymore ’cause it’s getting late already. Goodnight”, I responded without looking at her trying to hide the pain I feel deep inside.
I hit the car’s accelerator and sped up the road. I unbuttoned my sleeve because I feel like I’m burning deep inside. I could hardly breathe because of mixed emotions–jealousy and pain.
I was hurt and got jealous when Jeyah was dancing with another man. But now I feel so upset after hearing all her words. He called me Ryle because I exactly looked like her first love. She still loved him until now. So, whatever she has for me was just because I looked like her past love. And it’s too hurting like I wanted to scream out loud. Why it had to be like this when I’m now ready to fall in love? This is my first time falling for someone else, but I feel like I am also broken for the first time.
Holy shit!!! I suddenly hit the brake and the car screeched to a halt. I thumped my hands on the car’s steering wheel as droplets of tears were falling from my eyes. I tried to comfort myself that I don’t have to act like this because, in the first place, Jeyah is not my girlfriend. Anyway, It’s better to have known earlier where to stand, for me not to expect too much.
“It’s better to forget her”. The other side of my brain told me. Anyway, she is a member of my group, so there should have no romantic relationship between us.
Suddenly, I remember Jewel. The mysterious lady I’ve known online. How I wished I would meet her personally. I need to divert myself to something and someone that will interest, and so I can easily forget Jeyah.
*********
Another day at the school campus.
My group mates except Jeyah were on the benches of the school oval while waiting for our classes, when Clarisse opened up something.
“Uhm bubs Darren, why did you kiss Bridgette at the party?” she asked.
“Well, of course, I was attracted to her”, I responded.
Everyone’s eyes were dilated upon hearing what I said.
“Oh really? That’s strange bubs! I thought you are in love with Jeyah”, Clarisse exclaimed.
“Of course not! How would that be possible, when she is a member of our group? The policy remains a policy, bubs”, I spoke, certainly.
My group mates were silent for a while.
“But bubs, we could sense you are in love with her! It’s obvious for the past days!”, Angela insisted.
“It’s impossible bubs. I don’t know what love is. Maybe I am just attracted to her but I am not in love with her”, I scoffed.
I was still talking something more when everyone looked at someone who was hastily running away from us. It was Jeyah, and it’s too late for us to recognize her. She already heard everything.
I tried to follow her but Eduard told me not to, because it would hurt her even more.
“Baebubs, I’m so sorry. But it’s better to end this way. Anyway, there’s no us in the first place”, I said it mentally. I took a long, deep sigh and told my group mates that I need to go ahead.