(Renata Pellegrini)
“I said, I don’t want to embarrass you with my presence.” I say it one more time.
My heart aches, my eyes burn asking me to release the tears, but I have forbidden myself to cry. I won’t cry.
Filippo has already made it clear that he doesn’t want me to have contact with his family, first it was with his mother: where he said I was just a friend. Now, after my meeting with his brothers, I have the feeling that we moved so that they wouldn’t see me, since on the phone he hinted that they didn’t accept Filippo’s idea to go to a hotel.
“I have already embarrassed him too much in front of his brothers.” I speak bitterly, a lump forms in my throat.
I am so angry with Filippo, I feel so much like screaming, arguing and beating him up, but I won’t act like this, I am not a crazy woman, if things continue as they are, I will just gather my things again and get out of his life.
“Why do you say that, ragazza?” He asks, but I remain silent. I feel that if I continue to speak, I will cry and I don’t want to do that. “Answer me!” He demands, holding my shoulder and forcing me to face him, then he turns on the lamp. “Why do you insist on saying that I’m ashamed of you?”
I stare into his eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm down, but his gaze conveys urgency, he seems to be begging me to say something.
“I know that I am not a woman of high society, I know that I don’t have any assets to my name, I also know that I don’t have the facial and much less the corporal appearance that society demands to be considered beautiful.” I take a deep breath, building up the strength to be able to finish speaking. “I understand that you feel ashamed to have me by your side.” I speak, but a bitterness takes over my mouth.
Actually, I don’t understand, my mother always told me that when you love someone appearances don’t matter, the person will only want to have you by their side, but I have seen cases in the school where I studied in Brazil of girls who liked some boys, but didn’t stay – publicly – with them because of their appearance. I think this is my case with Filippo.
Filippo raises his hand and touches the side of my face. I try to move away from his touch, but he holds the back of my neck and forces his lips against mine. I try to resist, as I did earlier, however, Filippo with his thumb begins to caress the back of my neck. I can’t help but sigh at the shiver that runs through my body at his touch, Filippo takes advantage of this gap and plunges his tongue into my mouth.
In the next instant, Filippo is already on top of me between my legs, his hand begins to trail all over my body, squeezing my breasts, my waist, my ass, going up and down, meanwhile, his tongue explores my entire cavity, daring me to do the same to him.
I can’t resist, the center between my legs starts pulsing, shit! I want to feel him inside me again, I want madly to moan and scream his name as I reach my climax.
Slowly, Filippo ends the kiss, slowly I open my eyes and meet his gaze, his pupils are dilated, I can feel my skin burn under his gaze, full of desire and lust, the fire that burns my core, also burns in his gaze, just as the nipples of my breasts are swollen so is his member, and feeling him so hard pressing against my core makes me cry down here.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” He breaks the silence and begins to caress my face. “You have the most beautiful body in the world, you are perfect, you have the body of a goddess. You are the best partner a man could have, different from other women, you don’t want to have a man to play the center bench, but a companion to grow in life together, you fight for your dreams and deserve to be respected. I have never seen a woman like you. You have my respect and admiration. I will never feel ashamed of you.”
I hold my breath, I feel my eyes watering, I didn’t expect to hear words like that coming from Filippo, he has always been a naughty boy and his compliments have always been naughty too, but now he’s being so cute, I feel my heart beating faster inside my chest, I can’t hold it back, tears are streaming from my eyes, I’m in an internal fight, I’m glad to hear him telling me this, but I know he hides me from his family and I can’t think of any other reason for that other than he’s ashamed of me.
“I’m sorry, when I said I didn’t think it was a good idea, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be seen with you.” Filippo wipes my tears with his thumb. “My family, she… how can I explain, well, I can’t find words to explain, but she is not ordinary, I am an Italian and I have many secrets with my family, my cousin’s marriage, is not a marriage for love, it is an arranged marriage for the interest of family members to unite two families in an alliance through marriage.”
“Are there still arranged marriages?” I question in surprise.
“Yes, and in my family this is very common, piccola, my two brothers also had an arranged marriage.”
“Is Vicenzo married?” I ask, wide-eyed.
“Why this reaction about him?” Filippo asks with half-closed eyes.
“Because when we had our first kiss in that nightclub, I saw your brother staying with Amanda.”
“He is a widower, his wife was murdered.”
“I… I don’t know what to say, did he like her?”
“Yes, that’s why she died.”
“What do you mean?” I ask confused.
“I can’t explain it, ragazza.”
“Have you ever been married?” I question tenebrous for the answer, I am afraid he will say yes and also be a widower and therefore not want to have children.
“I have never been married.” I let out the breath I didn’t even notice I had held. – But if Matteo decides I should get married, I will have to.
“What?” I say, feeling my heart ache. “But-but you are dating me, we are living together, will you dump me?”
“I made a deal with my brother, in exchange for not submitting to an arranged marriage, I would do him favors.”
“What favors?”
“I can’t tell you. Please, don’t ask any more questions, just mind the moment, I am here and I promised to protect you, even though I am not married to you on paper, I will not let you lack anything, I will be here for you.”
“Okay.” That’s all I can say.
“Will you come with me to the wedding?”
“Yes, I will, I want them to see that you already have a woman in your life.” I speak feeling jealous.
Filippo kisses me again, an intense kiss, I move my hands down to the waistband of his underwear and pull it down, releasing his glorious member. Filippo rips off my panties. I swallow in his mouth my yelp for feeling the cloth twisting under my skin. Filippo unbuckles our lips only to remove my shirt and his own.
Filippo rains wet kisses down my neck, trailing to my shoulder and continuing his way down the valley of my breasts, I gasp as I feel his soft, wet, warm tongue circling the areola of my swollen breast, I grip the sheets tightly as I feel his fingers playing with my pleasurable little button between my legs.
“Fi-Filippo.” I moan his name softly.
Filippo stops sucking on my breasts and continues his trail of wet kisses down my belly, my insides twitching with anxiety as I feel him kiss my groin, so close to where it throbs the most.
“So beautiful and smelly.” Filippo speaks while sucking the air through his nostrils very close to mine…
“Oh!” I can’t finish my thoughts, the sucking he gives on my most sensitive spot makes me close my eyes and suck hard on the air. “How delicious!” I speak, feeling him licking all over my slit.
****
“I am thirsty.” I speak while trying to calm my breathing.
I hear the sound of Filippo’s laughter and feel embarrassed. Today we did so many positions and Filippo moved so hard that my legs are feeling numb. If I stand up here, I might fall out of bed.
“Here.” Filippo helps me sit down and waters my mouth.
After placing the glass on the nightstand, Filippo lies down on the bed and hugs me from behind. I feel my body getting heavy, after floating so many times, it is now wanting a rest, I feel my eyes closing and sleep taking over me.
“I… I think I love you too.” I hear Filippo’s far away voice speaking, but I’m not sure if I hear it, my brain has shut down.