(Renata Pellegrini)
“Don’t come close, get out! No please, stop, stop, STOP!” Filippo shouts, making me wake up scared. I turn on the light of the lamp beside me. “No dad, please, it hurts, stop!” Filippo whispers in a voice choked by crying.
I look at his sweaty face, his frightened look, Filippo begins to stir in bed, his arms all the time covering his face and chest, as if he is trying to protect himself from something. My heart squeezes, he is crying while having the nightmare.
“Please stop!” He keeps shouting. “Leave my brothers alone, I’m to blame!”
“The fever is making him delirious.” – I think as I get up, I go to the nightstand next to his bed, I soak the flannel in cold water, and his pillow is soaked with sweat.
“Don’t come any closer! Don’t touch me!” He continues shouting, now moving his legs too.
I feel a shiver run down my spine, I’ve never seen him like this before, it scares me, this is the first time I’ve seen someone delirious with fever. I know this is normal, but I have never taken care of anyone, I am afraid I am doing it wrong. Tomorrow I will call the doctor!
I sit down beside him, but before I can touch his face with the flannel, he grabs my wrist.
“Oush!” I groan in pain, he increases the pressure of the grip, I lose the strength in my hand and let go of the flannel, I pull my arm so that he lets go, but he doesn’t. With the other hand, I hold his fingers, and with my hand I hold his fingers. With my other hand, I hold his fingers and pull, but he uses his other hand and grabs my other wrist. I cry out in pain, he is squeezing too hard.
He pulls me up, making me lean over his extremely hot torso.
“I’m going to kill you!” He barks in a deep voice with his eyes closed, I swallow dryly and try to get free of him, but it is in vain, I begin to tremble. “I hate you! I will never be like you, I will never go back to Italy!” He continues shouting, I struggle, thick tears bathe my face, he is hurting me, my wrists are red. “I’d rather die than mistreat my children!” He finally shouts, releasing my wrists.
In a leap I get out of bed away from him, I hold my right wrist which took more damage and start to massage it, it hurts so much that the mark of his fingers on my skin burns.
“You monster!” He shouts accusingly at someone else getting my attention again. ” I’m not like you, I didn’t mean to kill!” His screams turn into whispers. “It’s your fault, you made me like this, Dad.”
I come closer again, Filippo is no longer crying, his face is no longer that of someone scared, but sad. His breathing is returning to normal.
“I didn’t want to be like this,” he whispers softly.
Filippo is no longer struggling, this makes me calmer, I take the flannel I dropped on his chest, soak it again in water and wipe the suffering tears from his now calmer face.
“What did your father do to you? What did you not want to have done?” – I mentally question as I wipe the sweat from her face.
I realize painfully that I don’t know anything about him. I have never questioned his family or his past, until now I have just been living in the moment. I never thought he would carry any kind of trauma, he is always so serious, centered, he has comforted me so many times, but even he has his weaknesses.
His wound is bleeding again, I take the first aid kit, which I left beside the bed, and redo the dressing. I need to change the sheets and the pillow. Carefully, I push his body to my side of the bed, and he lies on his stomach. Inside the closet, I get another sheet and another pillow. I put the sheet back on his side and put on the new pillow.
I watch his body being bathed by the light of the lamp, I look down over his torso, small scars catch my attention, I get up on the bed and lower the waistband of his pants a little, I take a deep breath when I see scars on his lower back. I take my finger to one of them, it is thick, it seems to have been here for many years, the skin is shrunken, they are burn scars, how did he get them?
Carefully, I pull down his pants a little further, following my vision to the lower side of his ass, there is the letter C scar, marking him, as if he were an animal.
“Who did this to you?” I whisper the question as I touch the scar. “Who are you really, Filippo?” I question for the first time.
Feeling sorry for a past I don’t even know, I tidy up his pants and push them back on his side of the bed, now tidy.
“Renata,” he whispers my name. – I won’t let anyone hurt you,” he says and I lie down next to him, attentive to what he is saying. “Renata, don’t leave me here alone, take me with you, please,” he asks, confusing me, is he dreaming that I am leaving him? “I promise I won’t hurt you, I’ll be gentle with you, you can trust me.”
His speech makes me smile, I raise my hand to his face, he still has a fever, I start to caress him.
“I am here, mio amato,” I whisper in his ear, hoping that he can hear me.
“It’s going to hurt just a little,” he says suddenly, his speech strange. “But I’ll put it in very slowly.”
I pull away, my eyes wide open as I see the tent set up in the middle of his pants. He’s dreaming he’s taking my virginity!
“You’re so smelly, so soft, so small, I’m crazy about you,” I watch his hand squeezing your erection over his pants.
I can’t look away, a fire starts pulsing inside me, I feel my fingers tingling, I wanted to feel his member vainly in my hand, I remember his request, unexpectedly my mouth starts salivating, my breathing gets deeper the girl he whispers how beautiful he thinks I am and squeezes his member over his pants.
“That’s enough!” – I slap my face with both hands. “He’s delirious with fever!” – I scold myself, at least he is no longer having the nightmare.
I feel my whole face heat up, but it’s not from shame, the fire between my legs increases, desire is throbbing inside me. What is this man doing to me? Look at the state he can leave me in, even though I am sick and unconscious.
Filippo has managed to get his fully swollen member out, his hand grabs it by the base and begins to move it rapidly.
Is this really happening? Is he masturbating while dreaming about me?
I’ve heard of men waking up horny because they had erotic dreams, it’s quite rare, but I never imagined that they masturbated while asleep, it’s strange, but at this moment, I’m finding it very tempting.
Filippo begins to moan my name, but his movements cease. I observe his member returning to a soft state, he has not come, I look at his face and he is frowning.
“Renata?” He calls out to me. “Renata? Talk to me!” His tone changes. “Renata!” He shouts my name.
I lie down next to him again and hold his hand, the hand I was stimulating a few moments ago, I take a deep breath and repress all the latency inside me.
“Shh, I’m here, I’m not leaving your side, mio amato,” I say in his ear, he stops screaming and after a few seconds, his breathing is already normal, his chest rises and falls slowly, he is now sleeping peacefully.
I close my eyes, the image of him touching himself while moaning my name does not leave my mind, what will it be like to feel him inside me? It felt so good to have him between my fingers, I bit my mouth suppressing my thoughts. Slowly, I feel sleep taking over me.