Awake

CLARA’S POV:
Clattering made me stir awake, cold breeze hitting my skin and my eyelids slowly blinking open. I looked at the ceiling above me, my hand reaching up to grip my head when it throbbed and dizziness passed over me.
“Argh.” I turned my head, catching sight of a knife in someone’s hand as they chopped what looked like an apple into small pieces. I ran my gaze up his arm, and to his face, meeting Kasan’s eyes as he looked down at me. He wearing a black suit, and his hair was styled neatly towards the back as if he had just returned from a formal meeting. But despite his shockingly nice appearance, he reeked of that foul scent of dead bodies.
“You’re up? How are you feeling? It’s a good thing I decided to dress nicely today.” He grinned, setting down the knife and lifting the plate for me to see. “You want apples?”
Is it time to grin like that? The battle…what happened?
“You look totally different from the last time I saw you.” I pressed my hands to the bed, pushing myself up a bit and glancing around. The only good thing so far is that he looks fine, too fine. But where am !? This room…looks like Kasan’s? How did I even get here? Is the war over?!
I looked back towards him and while uneasy from the grin that still hasn’t left his face, I gripped his shirt and slid my hand up to his collar, yanking him down to my level. “Am I supposed to assume things went well? What the hell happened? You’d better have ended up winning after giving me that shitty command, as if I’m some dog. Where’s Lucas? Mom? Dad???”
“Everyone’s fine, you’re the only one who’s bed-ridden. And the traitor mutt is being taken care of, there’s nothing to worry about.”
They’re fine? Everyone? That’s a relief but why does that sound hard to believe? The battle seemed almost impossible to win from the moment it started. Nate’s wolves were large in number, meanwhile Kasan’s pack had been spread out and ambushed. How did they get past that?
I loosened my hand on his shirt, “How long have I been out?”
“Three days.” He picked up one slice of apple from the plate and threw it in his mouth, then held another piece before my lips, “You want the apple or not? Water, maybe?”
Three freaking days, huh?
I slapped his hand out of my face, flopping back onto the bed. My memory after the wolf took over is completely blank. I remember nothing and that frustrates me. Did she even help at all?
When I gave her control, I was expecting I’d wake up maybe in the middle of Nate’s den, the woods, or even in a hospital somewhere. It makes me wonder…what exactly happened? And Kenley…what about him…?
“Then…” I hesitated, “What about your brother?… K-Kenley?” I quickly reached over to pick up a handful of his apple slices, shoving them inside my mouth as I avoided his gaze. “Did he heal? Is he… upset?” I chewed slowly.
“We haven’t spoken properly.” His face went serious at the mention of Kenley, and he moved back, taking a seat on a chair by the bed, “But he’s fine. He’s become a wolf, after all.”
That’s why I’m worried!
“So…he’s not upset? He didn’t feel like killing me while I slept? And you…aren’t you angry that I did it? The stupid wolf was the one who controlled my body, but still, I’m at fault too.”
“Why are you bringing me into it? I’m not the one who changed from human to werewolf, he is. Why would I be angry? It doesn’t matter. Aside from getting accustomed to his shifts and senses, it’s nothing drastic.” He reclined in his chair, chewing on another piece of apple.
His indifferent expression is beginning to annoy me.
“That’s not what I’m asking!” I glared at my fingers, an unpleasant feeling rising in my chest, as if my bottled emotions had just toppled over inside. I clutched the bedsheet, moving my gaze over to him, “I changed him, Kasan. For life! It is something drastic! Seriously, I’d rather you tell me exactly how you feel than say it doesn’t matter.” I told him, watching as his eyes widened slightly from where he sat, “Even with Lucas too…Years ago, he hated me, but now, he keeps on trying to protect me as if it doesn’t matter or it didn’t happen. It makes me feel even worse! I want him to hate me, to wish I had never been born, but it’s almost like all that hatred has left him completely. Why? If I had known back then, that I did it, I would’ve never ran away. I would’ve never left his side. But no one cared to tell me, not mom, not dad, and not him. You too… you knew about it, didn’t you? For how long? Why didn’t you say anything? Were you all going to keep that from me? Why? Why do you think it doesn’t matter? Why do all of you shrug it off? I don’t understand…and I don’t think I will ever.” By the end of my words, I was huffing like someone who had just ran a marathon. All that I said came out without much thought and the deafening silence that followed, was now making my regrets pile up.
Why the heck did I say all that?!
Aiming to preoccupy myself, I grabbed another handful of apples and stuffed them into my mouth, coughing when a piece went down the wrong pipe.
“This… is a bit sour.” I murmured.
“Clara.”
I could feel dread swallow me whole at the sound of my name, but I had no choice but to look at him, stiffening when I spotted the stern look he sent my way.
Now, he makes me really not want to hear what he has to say to all that! Ugh!
He leaned forward and his hand reached for me, I could’ve sworn he was going to mess with my hair, but instead, his finger flicked my forehead. My palm slapped against the stinging flesh as he sighed, “I think you’re thinking too hard about this because of what happened with Lucas. I’m pretty sure being a wolf is not anything my brother disgusts. Rather, the one who he despises is me. Besides, Jace already explained to him that it would’ve been bad if you hadn’t been there. I think he gets that. As for Lucas, setting my dislike aside, I don’t think he’s the way he is solely because I’d have his head on a platter if he messes with you. And I think he prefers the wolfy way of life, you should keep that in mind.”
I looked at him, creases forming on my forehead as I absorbed his words.
“So?” He slapped his palms against his knees then pushed himself up, shooting another grin my way as he took up an empty glass from the nightstand, “Did I completely annihilate those negative thoughts?”
“Well…” I narrowed my eyes, grabbing the last few pieces of apple slices when he reached for it. “Everything you said just now is filled with ‘I think’. It’s like you’re making shit up! When did Lucas even say that?”
“Have I never told you that I don’t partake in lies?” He waved me off, moving towards the door with the glass in hand.
“That’s bullshit. And you haven’t addressed the part where I said you knew and didn’t tell me! Wait, where are you going?”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He cracked the door open slightly and stretched the glass through it. I was baffled at first until, another hand reached out to take it from outside. Then footsteps were heard as they walked further away from the room and in the direction of the stairs.
Someone’s in the hall?
“Who was that?” I rose a brow.
“Lucas.” He muttered lazily. “He’s been your bodyguard for the past three days.”
Horrified, I jolted up in an instant, ignoring how my head spun briefly from the sudden movement. “L-Lucas?! Why didn’t you say anything!”
“I was going to tell you…soon. You just happened to find out before then.”
“I mean, why didn’t you tell me he was out there?!”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it fucking does!”
“Enough about that.” He closed the door and went back to his chair, pulling it closer to the bed so he could reach for my fingers, fiddling with them. He looked at me, grinning from ear to ear, “So…”
I rose a confused brow, scrunching my face, “So…what? You’re freaking me out. I thought you’d be gloomy after all the men you lost, but you keep grinning like a maniac. Should I be worried?”
“I already passed through the five stages of grief, they died honorable deaths. Now, I’m in a good mood since you’ve woken up. So…about your wolf, I met her. She’s quite impulsive, like you. How do you feel about her? I don’t think you want to rip your skin off or hammer your head in, since you boldly gave her permission to leave the shed even though I strictly told you not to.”
“Oh, that?” A deep frown automatically etched onto my face at the mention of her, “Did she even help? She said she would, that’s the only reason I let her take my body. But I won’t do it again. As a matter of fact, I want her gone. How the heck do I get rid of her?”
“You can’t.”
Huh? I can’t?! So he’s saying I have to live with her in my head for the rest of my life?! Why do I have to do that?!
“But…” he continued on to say, “As long as you put in the effort, you’ll be able to control your shifts and limit how long and when she takes control, even on a full moon. How about we start as soon as you’re up and running? The training.”
Eh? Training…?