Friday
Chantal was driving my new SUV while mom and I were at the back. We just visited Roland at the rehab. We were now on our way to mom’s restaurant to have some dinner. When we got there it was packed with customers, so we ended up ordering food that would be delivered to the house. After dinner, mom and I left Chantal in the living room and we stayed in mom’s room.
“How are you, dear?” Mom asked me. I was lying down on her bed, “How’s the baby?”
I hugged mom’s pillow, “I’m good, just always sleepy. The baby is fine too.”
“That’s good,” mom commented, “When is your due date?”
“My OB-GYN was considering my age. In case I would need to undergo a cesarean section. But she still hopes that we can do normal delivery in the last week of November until December 1st,” I told mom. I yawned and closed my eyes. Mom’s pillow was so soft that I wanted to give in to sleep.
“Is Bram excited?” I heard mom ask me.
“He was asking when will he see the bump,” I turned to mom to see her reaction. She smiled at what I said about Bram.
“You should take a nap, dear,” mom told me because I yawned again.
“What time is it?” I asked mom.
“It’s eight o’clock dear,” mom answered me, then she laid down beside me.
I closed my eyes again, “Please wake me up after an hour,” I told mom then I drifted to sleep.
I woke up because I heard voices. I opened my eyes and saw mom went into the room. She turned the room light on and I covered my eyes.
“Sorry, dear,” I heard mom say. I blinked my eyes so it could adjust to the light. Then mom added, “Bram is here.”
I rubbed my eyes, “What time is it?”
“It’s eleven o’clock dear. We both fell asleep and Chantal did not know what to do because I locked our door,” mom explained to me.
I slowly got up and dangled my feet on the bed. I put on my soft soled gold and brown sandals then I went to mom’s dresser to fix my hair. Then I went out of the room. Bram was seated in the living room and Jonas stood on his right. I carefully went down the stairs and our eyes met when I reached the last step.
“Let’s go home,” Bram said as he stood up with the help of Jonas.
I nodded, “I’m just going to say goodbye to mom.”
“Be quick,” Bram told me. Then he bit his lower lip.
I ignored him and went up to say goodbye to mom. She walked with us to the door then told me to take care of myself and my baby. I was worried about mom because she was alone at home. I might need to find someone who could stay with mom for some time while Roland was still in rehab. When we got home, Bram told me to go inside the room immediately.
“Did you forget the time?” Bram asked me. He sat on the sofa-bed and put his feet up.
“I fell asleep,” I told Bram while I was preparing my sleeping clothes.
“May I remind you that Aunt Calla is still receiving nasty emails from Brandon’s girlfriend?” Bram told me while he adjusted a pillow at his back.
“What does it have to do with me?” I asked in confusion. I could not see the connection.
Bram shook his head, “You’re my wife, isn’t that enough reason for people to have interest in you?”
My eyebrows met in the middle, “I don’t think so, I mean you are famous but I am not,” I reasoned with him.
He typed something on his laptop then put the left side of his headphones on, “I think you are the only person who can not see your value in my life, Emma. If they hurt you, what do you think it will do to me?”
I bit my lower lip. Since he already mentioned this topic. I could raise my concerns, “Do you really love me though? Or is it just because of…” I did not finish my sentence.
Bram removed his headphones, “I can’t believe you said that to me. Don’t you think that I should be the one who should have doubts because you had never told me you love me?”
I was shocked by his statement, “Have you also considered where I stand?” I asked him, my eyes pooled with tears, “What we have right now could disappear after a period of time? Where is the certainty in us?”
Bram just looked at me and did not say anything. I blinked quickly because I did not want to cry in front of him. But the tears started rolling down my cheeks. I turned away from Bram and headed for the bathroom.
“Emma!” I heard him call me. But I kept on walking, then I shut the door of the bathroom.
I took a warm bath and put on my pajamas. I was drying my hair when Bram knocked at the door and told me that he was going to pee. I opened the door wide and let him in. I continued blow drying my hair and heard Bram flushed the urinal. I was fixing the cord of the blow dryer so I could return to the drawer when I noticed Bram was staring at me.
“So all this time it was in your head?” Bram asked me. He adjusted his crutches and leaned on the right side.
I rolled my eyes at him, “What do you think?” I asked him. Then I placed the blow dryer inside the drawer. I opened the bathroom door wide and waited for Bram to go out.
He stopped limping when he reached me, “I don’t know what else to do to prove myself to you, Emma.”
I looked up to him, “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Bram,” I told him, “I guess it’s just the situation that we’re in. And I am the one who forced you to do it. The guilty feeling that I did not leave you any choice to do what you want to do and love whom you want to love, is always with me.”
Bram went out of the bathroom and I closed the door for him, “Do we have to wait until the contract ends before you believe anything that I say or do?” Bram asked me.
I placed my right hand on my forehead, “I don’t know Bram. I just go day by day to avoid overthinking.” Then I walked towards my side of the bed.
I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to reach his side. Then he put his crutches aside and placed his feet up on the bed. I used the remote control to turn the room lights off then I left my lamp open.
Bram leaned on the headrest. And turned to me, “So when I say that I love you now, it would mean nothing to you?”
I laid down, stared at the ceiling, and put my blanket up to my waist, “Why did we ever start this topic?” Then I covered my face with the blanket.
“How do you love me, Emma?” Bram asked all of a sudden.
I closed my eyes and did not answer him. It was probably past one in the morning now. I was a bit startled when I felt the blanket move and Bram removed it from my face. I turned to my left and he was now facing me.
“Well… I’m kind of not sure what love means because it might be different for each person,” I paused for a bit and then I added, “If I can’t live without you. Does that mean that I love you or does that mean that I need you or I’m just using you? I’m so confused.”
Bram just stared at me then he looked at the door, “Well, I found out that I might be falling for you when you left for Siquijor island. I could not sleep and I had a hard time breathing. I was so mad at everyone for letting you leave.”
This bit of information made me smile. Then an unpleasant memory came back to me, “I remember what you did to Maria.”
“The pain in my chest disappeared when I saw you walking towards me in that house.” Bram added, ignoring my statement about Maria.
“I wish I could say the same to you but I can’t. All I know is that I think about us being in love and that I love it when you make love to me under the spray of water.”
“Well, that is more than enough for me,” Bram said with a grin, “And I also wanted to do it everyday but in my current condition, I can’t.”
I smiled at Bram. We were both gazing at each other. I moved closer to him and rested my right hand on his tummy. I knew that he wanted me to be on top again but it was so late now, “Can we do it later? I’m really sleepy.”
“Hmm.. okay,” I heard Bram say, then I drifted to sleep.