THE NEXT DAY before lunch, I went to the coffee shop, just like I promised Clyde.
“Hello, Nanay Mira.” I greeted them as I entered.
Nanay Mira seemed surprised to see me as well as Ingrid.
“Sir Clint?” Said Ingrid.
“Hi Ingrid, is Clyde there?”
They know what kind of relationship Mama Cha and I have, so I don’t think of them any differently. It is said that Mama Cha never kept it a secret from them. I’m a little embarrassed sometimes because they know the whole incident and they make it seem like they understood everything. Even though the first time they saw me, they already knew, because Clyde and I really have the same face. That’s why Ingrid just stared at me the first time I asked her.
“Aah.. Clint!”
“Nanay Mira, how is Clyde?”
“Oh yes! A bit-he and his mother had a bit of a fight last night when they arrived.”
I approached the counter where Nanay Mira was. I put down the red paper bag, a treat I brought for Clyde.
“Can’t I talk to him now?”
“What happened and Clyde is crying like that?”
“Nanay Mira.. Umn.. Did Mama Cha scold him?”
“Yes! Chari was really mad at him. That’s never happened before. It’s just-that’s why the bad thing happened!”
“Bad thing? How bad is Nanay Mira?”
“Because Clyde’s heart problem attacks along with his asthma.”
“What? Heart problem? What do you mean?” I asked confusedly.
“So you don’t know?”
“Nanay Mira, tell Sir Clint about it.”
“About what? Why? What’s the problem?”
“Clyde has a heart problem,” Nanay Mira said. “When his asthma and palpitations go together, he ends up in the hospital. ”
My eyes widened. I was open-mouthed at what Nanay Mira said.
“He has been through several treatments since he was a baby. Didn’t Chari tell you what Clyde’s condition was?”
I just shook my head slowly.
“We rushed him to the hospital last night. A few hours after they arrived, Clyde still didn’t stop crying until he stopped breathing and had to be taken to the hospital.”
My knees almost shook from what I found out.
“You mean- Is he in the hospital now?”
“Yes, Clint, your son is critically ill.”
“Where can I find him? What hospital?”
IT’S ALMOST a thirty-minute drive from where I’ve been. I tried to call Mama Cha to find out which floor the room was on and which room it was in. But I’m disappointed. Several times, she did not answer the phone.
“Ah.. Hello, Nanay Mira? Can you tell me where Clyde’s room is so I can go straight there?”
I was surprised by Nanay Mira’s answer.
“Ah, o–okay.”
I asked for information on which floor the ICU was on because Clyde was in that room.
MY KNEES were shaking just before I got out of the elevator. I don’t know why I feel like a candle running out now and my mind is floating.
A few more moments
“Ma..” I saw Mama Cha standing in front of a room surrounded by glass.
I hurried to walk. And when I got close, it was,
“Ma?”
She ignored me.
When I looked across from where she was standing, I saw Clyde inside that room, and he was fast asleep. There was oxygen in his nose and mouth. He was covered in serum and had something else stuck to his chest. I couldn’t stop myself. I clung to the big mirror and..
“F**k! Ma? What’s that? W-why is Clyde there? What’s that? Ma? Hmmm..” I couldn’t stop my tears from falling.
My chest felt like it was going to explode at that time. I have so many questions in my mind that she doesn’t want to answer.
“No! That’s not Clyde! We had a good time yesterday! We even fought in the airflaring and then! And- Hmp! Ma? What happened? Please? Answer me! I’m confused!” I said in a low but angry voice. I kept biting my lip because I was angry, really angry.
My children are both in the hospital right now. Tejie, who is in Manila, and Clyde, who was just with me yesterday. My mind’s a mess. I can’t explain the weight of emotion that is felt.
“Your son needs you in Manila, Clint.”
I looked at Mama Cha at what she said so casually.
“Don’t worry about us because I can do it! Clyde and I can do it.”
“Why are you like that? Are you not going to do anything but drive me away? You keep on doing that! ”
“We got used to you not being there! And look! What happened when you came? His mind was just messed up! Everything was just messed up, Clint.” Mama Cha said again to me, casually.
I saw that Mama Cha was already crying, but she didn’t move as she stared at the sleeping Clyde. I approached her to hug her, but she moved away from me.
“Why didn’t you tell me that he was sick?”
“Don’t worry, Clint. That’s why I’m working hard to save enough for his heart surgery.
At that point, we were both just crying. Simply wiping our cheeks wet with tears. We are both calm and gentle.
“You don’t need to save money, Ma. I’m here! I’m here—even if I run out of money, I don’t care as long as I fix everything. Chari, what are you doing? Why are you so stubborn? Huh?” I said at the same time, looking at her. “You’re always like that!”
She also looked at me. “You and Trina have a family and a child. I don’t want to harm you! I don’t want to bother you, Clint. ”
“That’s why Clyde is like this! He got his sickness when you were pregnant! Why did you have to leave, Ma? You saw what happened? He brought it on! ”
She looked at me. “Why did you come? I was the one who left! ”
“Everything has a reason! God made a way for us to meet again! You know why, Ma? ”
“Wh-what? What’s the reason, Clint? Tell me.”
“Because we have Clyde, Ma.”
I approached her and tried to hug her even though she didn’t want to. I locked her tightly in my arms so she wouldn’t get away.
And for a while, it was..
“Clint.. I’m scared.. Hmmn.. I don’t want to lose Clyde. I don’t know what to do, Clint.. ”
I tightened my grip on her even more when I heard what she said. This is the second time I’ve seen Mama Chari vulnerable, who I know is as brave as before. But even a very tough parent will fold when it comes to their children.
“Ma.. Please. Nothing bad will happen to him. Don’t worry. I’m the father! I’m here! Leave me to play the part of being a father.” I said seriously. “In our whole lives, you are all. From me to Clyde? You took care of me and fixed my life, so now let me move! Please, Ma, rest first. Let’s fix Clyde. I’ll fix you.”
“What about your family? You and Trina Clint have a child. I don’t want to ruin your happy marriage. Hmmn.. I don’t want to! That’s why I left! I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Hmp!” She cried so hard.
“You’re not ruining anything, Ma, because the family you’re talking about was never formed. Let’s fix Clyde; let’s fix our family. I’m willing to remove Trina from my life for you. Ma, please. I implore you to give me a chance so I can show you that I have grown up.. that I have grown. ”
She didn’t move. I kept on embracing her. The two of us hugged while looking at our sleeping Clyde, who was going through a lot at that time.
“We will fix everything, Ma. I will not allow anything to happen to him. I love you, Ma, very much. I love Clyde. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. Sorry Ma, sorry..” I kissed her forehead.
“I hope he will be okay. I can’t forgive myself; it was my fault. Clyde baby.. Sorry.” she cried.
I put her face on my chest. I couldn’t stop crying with her. And we are both crying now.
AFTER FIVE days, Clyde was released from the ICU and is now in the recovery room. He still couldn’t talk because he couldn’t speak properly and was still short of breath. He has not been allowed to speak for a long time. There is also a time to visit his room because he is being watched.
Ever since he was here at the hospital, we haven’t seen each other, so today I really begged his doctor to let me see the child at least for a while. It was good and he agreed. When he woke up, the nurse immediately called me.
And even before I entered..
“Clint. Please don’t bring it up. Please?” Mama Cha pleased me.
“Don’t worry Ma; I’ll just make him feel better, okay? I’ll just pass it by as a joke just to cheer him up.” I answered back, but I’m not sure.
After I disinfected, I went inside. Upon entering, it was
“Sh*t.” My eyes couldn’t stop watering. I immediately saw Clyde’s beautiful smile when he saw that I was the one who entered.
Even though it was difficult, I saw him raise his right hand to wave at me, the hand where there was a serum stuck and about three more needles there.
“Sir, it’s only ten to fifteen. He’s not allowed to be exposed yet,” the nurse reminded me. She came out after finishing.
I felt as if I were choking. He just smiled at me. He raised his right hand and extended it to me.
“Clyde…” I came quickly and reached for his hand.
I could clearly see up close how he took his breath. It’s obvious he’s still struggling. But even so,
“Si-Sir Clint.” He still tried to speak even though he had oxygen stuck in his mouth and nose.
“Shhh.. Don’t speak, baby.. Shhh.”
He smiled when I called him baby.
“It’s good you’re awake. You know, I was worried about you. I went back to the coffee shop, but you weren’t there. I even brought something for you. Then they said you were here, so I went to see you right away. Your mom and I didn’t leave until you woke up,” I just whispered to him as I held his hand and kissed it.
His smile reappeared. Smiling lazily now, it’s a sign that the boy really feels something.
“I’ll bring you home to Manila for your treatment, and then I’ll take you to another country for your heart surgery. I’m sorry for being late, Clyde.” I said, trying to hold back my tears. “I’m sorry, son. I’m sorry.. I’m really sorry. Daddy just came.. Hmmn..” I can’t restrain myself.
“D- Dad?”
“Yes, Clyde. You have a father. And it’s me. I’m your father. Don’t tell Mom that I told you, okay? That’ll make her angry at me again. ”
I felt him squeeze my hand. I also smiled at him.
And…
“Really? I have a father. Si-Sir Clint…,” he says.
“Yes baby, it’s me, Clyde. I’m sorry, I just came. Sorry, but don’t tell your mom that I told you. Okay? Okay, let’s keep it a secret first. You know that mom of yours when mad—she’s like a tigress!” I joked with him with a make-face.
He giggled and quickly nodded. My heart skipped a beat when I saw and heard him giggle. I’m so happy that he’s so happy to see me.
“Be strong, Clyde. I’m going to take you home to Manila and show you the house where your Mom and I used to live. I’m going to introduce you to Dad’s whole dance crew! That’ll be great!” I smiled. “Then–then dad will take you to all the dance battles in other countries. Huh? Get better soon, please. I want to do a lot of things with you, baby-with you and Mom. Hmp! Be strong so we can finish. So that you can be okay,” I really cried.
I know I shouldn’t be saying these things, but I feel like both of us feel better. I can also see that his smile can’t be removed while I’m talking. I know Mama Cha will be angry with me, but I can no longer hide the truth from Clyde, especially since I know that the reason he was rushed to the hospital was because Mama Cha and I had an argument last night.
Just a moment and..
“Sir, it’s okay,” said the nurse who entered.
I was no longer ashamed to be seen crying. I wiped the tears as well as Clyde’s eyes, which were also slightly wet.
“We’re just here, baby, Clyde. Mom and I won’t leave. ”
He smiled.
I stood up. He squeezed my hand and said,
“Sir Clint, oh! Dad—please don’t leave, will you? I’ll get better soon, I promise,” he said softly.
I smiled at what he said. I kissed his hand and forehead, and said bye. Before I finally left the door, I glanced at Clyde again.
And I saw the young Clint in him, who lacked personality but was filled by a woman who loved him so much that he was completely formed even then.
June_Thirteen