Sabrina’s POV
I woke up in my room, on a clean bed and a room all alone. Aiden’s bed removed and Aiden gone with it….
The weather depicted exactly how I was feeling.. cold, gray skies and strong winds. I know that it is my doing, probably during the time I was passed out, but I couldn’t possibly worry about the weather right now. It’s not like they can’t handle a little gloom on such a sad day.
The physical pain gone, starting to miss it. I’d rather have that kind of pain than the one growing inside of me right now.
That pain reminded me of what I have lost and it gave me some sort of punishment. A pain I can’t heal? Time had to pass for the pain to move on but I’m not ready to move on. I want that pain, I need it.
A reminder of all that has happened and what it led to. How one choice, one action could lead to this.
It seems whenever there’s a child involved, the men seem to change gears. Aiden was such an angel, a patient angel or so I was led to believe.
A man that went to earth to learn of my way of thinking, my lifestyle to better understand me.
What changed?
Was it really because of his parents dying? Or was he just like his father and finally couldn’t hide his true nature, his true thirst for power?
There were no signs of this new Aiden or real Aiden. He was always gentle, caring and understanding. Maybe I didn’t understand him, I certainly didn’t take the time to better understand him like he did with me.
And if I did take the time to really understand him, would I like what I see? Could I build a future with a man that besides the mate bond, has other reasons for being with me. To put his family first and gain power once again… if I saw all of this by invading his private thoughts, as I could have had I chosen not to trust him after Max but thanks to Xander, who helped me with my trust issues, Aiden was able to find me at my best.
How did I find him?
Did I ask the necessary questions to really get a sense of security from him or did I take the fact that he’s my true mate as the security blanket that barely covers my bruises?
Jumping head first because of sacred law, trusting the process and failing miserably. Do I even know how I found him? Was he okay mentally?
Do I even know what kind of person he was before me? I didn’t even try to find out. I was too hell bent on fighting for a love with Xander to care and when it came time to leave Xander, because his life was threatened, I jumped right in.
Maybe this mate thing is a scam. Why should people be forced to mate? Why can’t they just choose their own lovers and live with their choices?
Many are forced to stay in relationships because of this stupid mate bond. I heard Aiden loud and clear how badly he wants out of this but there’s nothing he can do. I also know how well my relationship with Xander worked out, the one guy I chose to be with who treated me better than the ones I was fated to.
I was happy with him, ever smiling and then the mates gifted to me seem to only hurt me. First Percy and then Aiden, I can live with Max’s hurtful ways because he chose me and I chose him, so we can’t really blame the gods at play for that.
Why must I subject my earthlings to such a life?
Anyone mated to an alpha male is bound to suffer one way or another and I must allow it, let my dear women suffer in the name of love. How many women have lost children? Been shunned upon for being unable to do the one thing we are tasked to do at mated shewolves? Had I be with Percy and lost a child? Goddess forbid, I’d be judged until I can prove myself again and why should I?
Not allowed to grieve a child I lost but instead told I’m incapable… how am I doing any of the shewolves any justice? The way I enjoyed Ralynn not being blessed by the moon goddess, I smeared the joy right on her face.
How many others were out there? Known as the women unable to gift their mate a child? A son?
And when they do, the male wolves can still be heartless.. what kind of life is this? Was this some sort of test? If I know what my earthlings are going through then I’ll better look after them?
“What are you thinking about?” My mother asks, sitting next to my bed. Welcoming the distraction… I turn my face to look at my mother…
“Where is Aiden?” I ask as my mother gently grabs my hand.
“Well, since your father can’t kill him, he put him in a cell where he can better torture him.” She tells me.
“We thought you would want your space when you woke up. He called for us though, when you fainted. Goddess, he was sick with worry.” Mother says, a low growl coming out of me, surprising us both.
I yank my hand from my mother, turning to the other side not to face her anymore. How could she say that? Sick with worry? This was all his fault! He is the reason I’m laying in this bed and I must know he is sick with worry?
“I don’t care if he was beside himself. If he was wailing so loud, the earthlings thought a storm was coming. I don’t want to hear how broken he was about my health or loss of the child.” I say.
“Sabrina, he lost a baby too.” My mother says to me.
“He’s lost more than a baby! His actions have led to this! I almost lost two children for goddess sake! Two! Had I lost Adrastos and then now lost this one? I don’t care what he lost.” I say, my mother not saying another word.
“I need some time to rest before today’s meeting.” I say, trying to get rid of my mother.
“Oh honey, just let Anthony and Hunter handle it. You need to rest.” My mother tells me.
“Fine. I need to rest.” I say harshly, sensing my mother’s mood dampen. My heart is wrecked beyond to care about anything.
I’m aware my words may be hurtful, especially to the ones that care for me during this time…. I just don’t feel like much right now. I hear the door close, finally alone I let the tears fall as I cover my face with my duvet.
Allowing myself to feel all the hurt inside, feeling it all come at me at once with such force…. if I was standing, it would have me on my knees. Maybe mother was right, heck maybe Aiden was right.
Why should I be the one to address the heads of each household? That is not my job, it’s dads and Anthony’s but for good reason, I’ve made it my mission to bring everyone to order. I know Hunter shares my vision but I don’t know about Anthony.
With the public going to possibly fight him on the same sex mate, he may not have a choice. He is their future leader and if he wants to lead them, they will have to fear him. On earth you would have to have balls of steel to go against an alpha and win if you hope to never be banished or killed.
Maybe that’s the road we should take. That is the world I know, a pack with order is a pack well run.
With that, I get out of bed and shower. Opting to wear all black in mourning of what could have been, because I could not show emotion in front of the people that will be in front of me. Yes, I’ll have more time to cry but right now, I will have to keep it all in and pray I don’t lose it.
Once I’m dressed, I walk out of my room to fetch my father, who was waiting for me at the front door. He kisses my forehead and we both walk out, heading out to face the many faces that would love to remove us from power.
When we make it to the podium, my father growls out loud to get their attention and it works. Silence follows as they all sit down, my father greeting them before cutting straight to it.
He speaks on the revolution, the little groups people would think to form to try and push us out of power but they forget that such power is a birthright and as much as people want it, we did not choose it. It may look easy from their view, but we carry a heavy burden.
It is our family that must look after each and everyone, something they could never change.
He goes on and on about our family legacy, the pain many of ours had to endure to rule. The death of my grandmother, the unjust removal of power because my mother was weaker and hated.
My father promised them hell as his ending. Promising death as a reward for disloyalty and disrespect. Making way for me, I walk up to him to face the crowd.
They were all displeased with us, that much was evident in their eyes and body language. They all had Aiden’s eyes… eyes of disapproval but that won’t deter me on bit.
“I’m not here to find favor in any of you. You have all shown how you truly feel and if I wanted, I could read every mind in here but I know what I’ll find. I’m not here to ask you to like me or follow me willingly… no. You don’t have that freedom, this is not some democratic state, you don’t get to vote us out. Like it or not, we will rule over you, over your children and your children’s children. I’ve come to not care anymore if you like me, or that you will all give me and my family a chance to prove ourselves.. that time has come to end. We tried to be fair and goddess, we were patient with all of you. You think I want to be here? Tell grown adults how to behave in front of their rulers? No. I also have a life outside of all this, I have to look after my children on earth but once again, this realm reminds me that you all need to be monitored and whipped in to order so a few things are going change. Starting with, no one is allowed to leave this realm without approval. For each part of the realm, one needs to get permission to visit earth or the barrier will not let you through. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and try..” I say looking at every face around me.
“Disrespect will not be tolerated and will be punished. You are given the choice to either challenge the ruler, Hunter to a fight or be banished. Banishment will be to earth where you will be stripped of your godly powers and strength. You will be an earthling, where you will have to find your way in to a pack and if you can’t join one, you will be a rogue living in the wilderness eating scraps or turning in to a murderer. This rule is now in effect and if one word is uttered as I speak right now, the person will face such banishment. Please be advised that Hunter will fight to kill and if you lose against him, your family will mourn you on earth, unable to bury you, stripped of their powers and strength.” I say, hearing a few growls here and there.
“Now, to those that knew of the revolution that was started to hurt my family, an investigation will take place. If any of you had any involvement or knowledge of this group, come forward and confess because if I find out by myself, I will not spare you. Your lives are in my hands and I will act accordingly. All children are to attend school until their wolves reach maturity and the teachings will resume tomorrow on my family history since you have all forgotten how you all came to possess such greatness. Clearly gratitude has to be taught from a young age. You are not allowed to speak ill of the First family, not allowed to complain about The First Family. You are only allowed to speak praises and great cheer.. the realm will be monitored at all times and if any child from any household is caught spewing hate of my family their tongues will be cut out. We all know it takes children a little longer to heal and that is a fitting punishment for the head of that family to remember not to feed a child any form of hate.” I say.
I could feel the atmosphere change. Many have children and a promise to do harm to ones child will always have a parent ready to burst but they are smart enough to not challenge me.
“My family and I have been tolerant. We have tried the fair and just way of doing things but it seems you all need to be ruled under an iron fist. As you leave here, you are tasked in alerting your families of the new rules. There will only be transparency from now on from all of you. Nothing you do will be kept hidden, I need you all to know that I will be invading your minds from time to time to find the rebels and kill them. I will not tolerate anything anymore and the privacy you were all afforded ends today. Actually, take the night to vent out your frustrations because when the sun rises, a new era comes in to action. I don’t know if any of you know me but I promise to behead anyone that goes against me. Try me, please.” I say, turning around and walking away from the people.
Their feelings of anger and turmoil were too much for me with everything that was going on inside of me. The emotional pain kept poking at me, asking to be acknowledged. My insides were screaming, I want to scream too and this pretense was taking a toll on me.
My father continued to talk to them, breaking up each rule to further explain just how fucked they were.
How did it come to this? Such a world where I have to be the bad guy?
Crushing people. Choosing to be the hated one in order to have order instead of chaos where freedom reigned. Too much freedom is bad thing my father would say and it is clear just how bad it is…. Aiden.
I never want to see him again and yet I still love him. I am hurt because even in my anger, I am his. I’m blinded by hurt and rage but I can feel my heart still beats in the same rhythm as his, our wolves are at a loss. The pain I feel is more of the distance inside than outside.
I can handle being away from him, sleeping in separate rooms but we were far from each other in other aspects too. There was no way we could ever fix this..
I don’t see us getting past this. How do other women do it? Forgive such hurt. Calculated hurt. Deliberate.
How can I stick by him after all of this? Or how do I move on? With him a big part of me. How will I distance myself from him without killing a part of me? I guess a promise of a long life brings in more problems. Each step towards the door seemed to take pieces of me, draining me as I walk on.
The tears were threatening to fall now, I just need to walk through that door before any of that happens and I fight the urge to cry. I walk faster, knowing I was fighting a losing battle and my emotions would soon show.
I reach the door as I was about to break… opening it.
Making it in to the house, I make eye contact with Xander and it all comes crumbling down… everything.
He looks at me before opening his arms wide and after everything, after the loss and Aiden’s scheming I feel the weight of it all pulling me down.
So tired of this life.
So so tired of being this girl in this life with this pain.
I can’t even walk to him, my knees were ready to give out.
I scream out in pain, the force of my pain creating a powerful wind that throws everything and almost everyone flying.
Xander fights his way to me, the force of the wind trying to keep him away but he eventually gets to me… enveloping me with in his arms. I bring us both down as my knees finally give out from that mighty scream that seems to have taken so much from me.. and I start to cry.