“I just, I was just jealous. I hated the fact that she was the hero instead of celebrating her and her ability to ensure we don’t lose any more pack members. I hated how the pack admired her, how they thought she was an angel sent to keep up safe. I am their alpha, I deserved that kind of praise but how could I treat my baby that way?” I say now looking at Damon.
“I allowed the pack members that blamed her for losing their loved ones as ammunition to drive her out. My jealousy drove me to insanity. I can’t believe I thought she was a threat to my position in this pack. I can’t believe I let old traditions get to me. Her being the woman meant she wasn’t supposed to be stronger than me. I felt my manhood challenged.” I say feeling so stupid.
“I didn’t want to admit it, not even to myself. She was good to me. I mean, can I blame it on momentary insanity?” I ask looking at Damon.
“I’m not sure it was only momentary Max.” He says scratching his head.
“Yeah..” I say in a whisper tone.
I decided to be that evil. Every time she’d sleep in my arms I’d get angrier and angrier and yet here I am now, wanting, needing my family here with me.
I had missed the kicks in her belly. I missed the birth of my son because I was stuck in my feelings.
I was going to miss his milestones. Probably his first shift. I wasn’t going to be the one to train him and his wolf. I didn’t have that right anymore. I did that. I made that happen and now I can only blame myself.
“Can you just leave me alone. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Meet me first thing in my office.” I say to Damon. He nods his head and leaves me to drown in my own sorrow.
I take out my phone and call the one person that can help me make it right.
“You have some nerve” She says to me.
“I know. I know I fucked up and I can’t take back everything that I said to her or what I did but I want to make things right and I need your help. Please Josey..” I say to her. She stays quiet on the other side.
“Are you there?” I ask.
“I’m here. I just don’t know if I can trust you to do the right thing. What changed?” She asks me.
“I met him.” I say..
“Ahhh Adrastos got to you, didn’t he?” She says as she chuckles.
“A part of me is a sucker for a whole family. A mother, a father and the children. I never had that, Sabrina didn’t have that and she wanted that so bad with you. She spoke about more kids with you and now she’s probably crying herself to sleep no thanks to you. You shattered her dreams of a perfect family and that’s the other part of me, the part that wants nothing to do with you. To just let you live out the rest of your life to deal with your decisions. To lay in the bed you made for yourself.” She says to me and I sigh.
“Look, Max, you didn’t just hurt Sabrina. Yes, you hurt her the most but you hurt all of us. She hid her hurt from us. Every day we would call her and she would lie about how you were treating her. When I saw her for the first time after my grandfather called us home, she was Stickley thin. She looked terrible and she looked broken. You broke her Max. I can’t even imagine how much emotional strength it took her to muster up the courage to Facetime all of us and play pretend. But do you know what really hurt me?” She asks..
I stay quiet.
I stay silent because her words were like hammers to my heart. One after the other, people got to see what I put her through.
“As her sister, her best friend, I didn’t even notice. She hid it so well from me, from all of us. You abused her. You took a new girl as your mate but you narcissistic and selfish ass didn’t want to let her go. How could you let her go through all of that? All because people died? People died because some crazy old man wanted revenge. Wanted to avenge the little boy that grew up without a mother. You almost took that away from Adrastos. If Sabrina had to endure any more torture, she would’ve withered away. Heck, if she was any normal wolf, she would’ve died. Your new chosen mate is the perfect example. Did she not die from Sabrina removing her mark? Yet you were able to mark the other she wolf and Sabrina lived through it. You still think she has zero emotional strength?” Josey says to me.
Realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
I was wrong.
“I thought.. I… I… I was wrong.” I say to Josey. I couldn’t find the words.
I did to her what I swore I would not do. Why did I ever think she was incapable of ruling beside me? I told her to her face that she lacked in controlling her emotions but in actual fact, I was lacking. I’m the one that lashed out. I lashed out at her, if anything, I deserve more cruelty from her but she hasn’t even dished an ounce of it to me.
I’ve done nothing but hurt her, nailing the coffin with my last act. Trying to replace her as the mother of my child.
“And what is this I hear about you not wanting Adrastos to take over you? You better fix that Maximus. I can’t believe I talked my sister in to being with you.” Josey says to me.
“No. It’s on me, I’m the one that messed up but I know now and I need my family back. Can you help me?” I ask.
“You need to make right with the family. You start with my father, he is killing himself with the whiskey after failing to protect his daughter from you. He blames himself for not being able to see the signs. We all do. Good bye Max.” Josey said before hanging up.
How was I going to face Christopher after everything?!
I done did it this time.