Not one person said a thing. He looked at all of us and then walked out. Uncle Deacon followed him out and I knew then, he was leaving the pack.
Xander was now looking at me and he wanted answers. Probably to find out where my head was at and if I had been swayed by Max’s sudden change of heart.
Lucas read the room and excused himself as Dorothy tried again to take Adrastos from Xander’s arms but this time he let her.
_________________________________________
Max’s POV
I screwed up. I was the biggest fool to ever run a pack. How could I think I could live on without my mate and pup?!
My father drove us back to Green Forrest as I was in no mood to drive. I was lost in my head.
Guilt was washing over me over and over again. Looking in to my son’s eyes broke my heart.
Right there, in that crib, was my son but it felt like I was looking at myself. He looked like me in every way. The color of his eyes to his pointy nose. The idea of wanting him dead disgusted me.
I disgusted myself.
Nicole had every right to stop being my friend. Damon was well on the way too after I told him about the ball. I left Sabrina, a teenager, the mother of my child to fend for herself and care for the baby alone.
I was now locked up in my room. I didn’t want to see anyone.
My room was destroyed. My anger got the best of me and I had destroyed everything. Starting with the new bed that never had Sabrina’s scent. The closet that didn’t have her clothes. The bathroom that didn’t have her shower gel.
Her body lotion.
A room that did not have Sabrina.
I jumped out from my balcony and walked to the old packhouse. I needed to find something of hers to calm me down but when I got to her room, guilt washed over me again. This time ten fold.
Nobody had touched her room since she left and her scent was strong in here. Her bed not made and plates of food lying on the floor. She was a prisoner of some sort. Endured every pain because she made a vow to me. She stayed until I threatened to harm our son.
That was the dealbreaker.
She could never allow herself to stay when she knew I wanted the death of that boy.
Flashes of her skinny form went through my mind. I starved her. I caused her pain. Every damn day I was sleeping with that she wolf and she could feel it. Then I had the audacity to mark her knowing very well what it would do to Sabrina.
To my Kimberley.
Damon walked in Sabrina’s room to find me, on my knees, holding on to her cardigan for dear life. My eyes were glassy and at that moment, Damon knew I was broken.
I know knew what I had done. What they were thinking but couldn’t tell me. He sat on the floor next to me and remained silent.
He could shout at me and tell me how foolish I was for ever mistreating Kimberley. For abandoning my son or for changing pack law so my son doesn’t take over from me.
“I abandoned her too Max.” Damon said with tears in his eyes.
“We all did. We turned our backs on the Luna. It’s not all on you my friend.” He said to me.
“She refused to come back.” I said to him and he nodded in understanding.
“Why would she? We treated her worse than an omega. We left her to fend for herself in her pregnant state. If it wasn’t for Tristan, she would’ve probably died of hunger.” Damon said to me.
I growled.
Not at Damon but at the fact that I did that. I almost killed her.
“How do I fix this?” I ask him and he shrugs.
“I can’t help you there. You’re going to have to figure it out on your own.” He says to me.
I stand up and let out a fearsome growl. Letting out all that anger that was swimming in my veins.
“How can I call myself a man? I abandoned my child. My only child and his mother. How could I not care about his wellbeing even when he was still in his mother’s womb?” I say to Damon. Not expecting an answer.
He understood that I was venting so he remained silent.
“You know, my father took care of me. In his own way, he thought he was doing right by me. When my mother was carrying me, my father never took on another lover. He made sure my mother was fed and clothed. She was the doctors priority patient. Any ailment was quickly attended to. He took care of her so much that the pack thought of her as their Luna. He did right by me even when I wasn’t born yet.” I say looking outside through the window.
“As soon as I was born, my father went back to his old ways. I was out of harm’s way. Even though they weren’t mates, even though my mother couldn’t feel it when my father strayed, he protected her when she was carrying me because heartbreak can send a wolf in to depression. He kept her happy for my sake. After I was born, he did what he did best, take on different women. It broke my mother’s heart but he didn’t care then. He only cared about me. He raised me to be the perfect alpha.” I say staring into the darkness that is my forest.
It perfectly fits with how I am feeling. Loneliness. A big darkness that I can’t get out of and don’t want to. I put myself there, I might as well get comfortable.
“What I’m trying to say is, I failed my son. It’s not that I couldn’t protect him, I didn’t want to. I rejected him. As much as I didn’t have the best examples when it comes to love and mates, I know right from wrong. I know how it feels when someone is unfaithful to you.” I say as I sit back down on the bed and tears fall down my face.
I remember feeling Sabrina’s emotions when I took the she wolf to bed. Every time her heart would break and I enjoyed it. When hope would spread around her whenever I walked in to her room but then it would all shatter when she realized I wasn’t there for her.
I remember feeling her pain when she went in to labor because of me. I felt guilt but I quickly masked it and went on with fucking that damn she wolf.
“She gave me everything. Her innocence meant so much to her and I let her down. How can I ever win her back after all the things I put her through? I’d never trust anyone if they put me through what I put her through. It was heartless.” I say with my head down.
How stupid of me.
Of course I think she should take responsibility for most things and find the strength emotionally to deal with things because when one is in power, they don’t have the time to dwell on their emotions. I just shouldn’t have been so heartless about it.
Did I love Kimberley? I’m not even sure but I’m definitely sure I loved my son the minute I laid eyes on him. He became my everything that very second.
It is because I love him that I feel bad for letting him down in mistreating his mother. How would he look at me when he finds out how bad I was to Kimberely?
I put him in harm’s way when I was ill-treating Kim. I allowed the entire pack to disown her when I promised I’d take care of her.