“daughter?” My forehead frowned while asking. I heard her say something daughter but I’m not sure if I’m right. But instead of answering me, she only smiles at me. “Erika, what are you saying?”
“Come.” She cock her head and walks ahead. My heart throbs in excitement and I can’t explain my fucking feelings. I couldn’t understand myself and the force of my chest pounding as I followed her.
Erika go inside the room and left me outside but she called me so I went in and approached the crib where she was standing. She looked at the crib so I looked there. There is a child wearing pink.
I was devastated to see her thick eyebrows as well as the mole on the corner of her eye. I can’t be wrong and I’m sure. She was the child Lileth was looking at on the cellphone. Her position right now is same exactly the picture that Lileth has been looking at.
“Erika?”
“She’s 8 months,” she said.
“Who is she?” But she did not answer. “Is she my daughter?”
“Yes.” My heart wants to jump. I can’t explain how I feel.
“How? I mean, why don’t I know?”
“I was two months delayed when I said goodbye to you.” I don’t know what I will say. I looked at the child sleeping peacefully. She smiles while asleep.
“Why did not you tell me? Why did you leave?”
“I know Lileth has cancer, Dustine. When you caught us I told her I was pregnant. I also said that I might not survive giving childbirth because of my heart disease. But she told me I had to fight back. She said she was ill. When she dies, she will give her heart to me.”
I didn’t know what to say. They talked but I was not aware. The two women I both cheated on and hurt came together for me. Not to hurt me but to give me what I want when the day comes.
“Dylan helped us to get tested and when our blood matched and so on, Lileth signed with the weaver that she would be my donor.”
“Dylan helped you?”
“Yes, when I gave birth he took Lileth there. When Lileth got worse, Dylan helped me to see her. Lileth has seen Dustle too.”
“Dustle?”
“Our baby’s name. Dustle Live, I named her after you and Lileth.” I don’t know what to say. I just cried at what she said. I am already confused by what happened. But I’m happy.
“I left because I want to give Lileth time to be with you as she requested.”
“Erika.” I hold her hand but I don’t know what to say. I know I am happy because we have a child and I love her. But I’m also sad because Lileth and I dreamt of this also.
He seemed to have guessed how I was feeling so she held my hand back.
“Lileth is happy for us, Dustine.” She wiped my tears that I was not aware of that were already dripping. “I will not force you to be ready and I will not use our daughter to make you mine. But I hope that one day you will open your heart to me again. And remove the guilt for what happened to Lileth. As I said, I will not replace Lileth in your heart. But I will sit beside her and ask her to guide me to make you happy.”
“Please stay and wait for me,” I said while holding her hand. “Wait for me to be fully prepared.”
“I am willing to wait, Dustine. No matter how long I will not get tired and I will continue to wait.” Our conversation stopped when the baby suddenly cried. Erika immediately approached the crib and picked up the baby who immediately stopped. Erika stretched her hand and pulled me closer.
“Dustle, daddy is here.” My baby stares at me. Daddy? I am a dad when I didn’t even take care of her mom. I wasn’t there either when she was born. Am I deserving to call a dad if I tried to kill her siblings?
I mean, yes I did. I actually killed them though Dylan explains to me that they can’t survive either but I can’t deny that I made a way for them to disappear.
“Dustine.”
“Huh?”
“This is Dustle Live, your daughter.”
“Hi,” My baby kicked and hugged her mom and looked at me.
“Do you want to carry her?” Erika asks.
“Can I?”
“Sure.” She handed me the baby. My daughter was just looking at me. Not complaining, not crying. ‘My child’ is nice to hear that I have someone to call my child. But do I really deserve it? Do I deserve to be a father after what I did to my children?
I didn’t realize that my tears were dripping again. Dustle look at me and pouted. She suddenly cried so Erika took her. I wipe my tears as she lays it down.
“I’m sorry, Dustle is not used to seeing someone cry. She also cries when someone cries.” Erika explained.
“Sorry,” I said then adjusted myself. “I didn’t mean to scare her.”
“Dustine, I grew up without a mom. She dies, when she delivers with me. So I fought for our child. Because I want her to grow up with the guidance of a parent —- of a mother. And I am hoping that besides that she will also have a father. I won’t ask you to stay with me, for now, all I would ask you is that we raise her that we are ok. That even if we don’t have a relationship, we can fulfill parenting —- if it’s okay with you.”
“Erika, I don’t know how to become a father.”
“You can.” She took my hand and put it in Dustle’s Face. “Being a father has no course nor no need to study on it, Dustine. You will learn from it one by one. You only need this.” She pointed to my heart.
“Erika,”
“She’s your daughter, Dustine.” I look at my daughter who is now smiling at me. “She is yours so you have a right to her.”
“I will stand on my responsibility to her. I can’t promise that I can be a good father, but I will do my very best.”
“I am here.”
“Erika.”
“Hmph.” I took her hand and kissed it.
“I am not ready for now, for us. But I will ask you to please wait for me until I get ready.”
“I’ll wait, Dustine. Lileth and Dustle and I will be waiting. We will wait for you until you are ready. Just remember we are just here, me, for you.”
“Thank you thank you.” I came closer to them and hug them both.
I no longer knew what was going on. I no longer knew if I could be a father. When will I be ready for Erika and me? But I’m only sure of one thing right now. God is still kind to me because, in a flash, He brought my wife back to me in the person of the woman I love. They came back to me both in the same body to be with me.
And I still have a bonus, my daughter. Dylan is right again, God has a better plan. More than you want to happen what God wants to happen to you.