“Do you want something to eat?” I am standing beside the door. I convinced her to come home and I promised not to come near her. Dylan is the one who sends her here.
I suddenly realized that I should trust my brother. I knew he knew how to position himself. He will not do anything to hurt others just to make himself happy. Above all, he did not take advantage of the situation.
Lileth is in bed now and lying down. I’ll just get what I’m going to use tomorrow because I’ll be sleeping in the other room. I didn’t want to disturb her in the morning or I would come in suddenly.
“I want to rest,” she answered.
“I am just in the other room. Just knock if you need anything or call me. I’ll just get my stuff to wear tomorrow.” I went to the walk-in closet to get dressed when she spoke so I stopped.
“Can you just sleep here?” I looked at her because of what she said.
“Is it okay with you?”
“Yes, even I’m on the sofa and you’re here in bed.”
“No, it’s fine, I’m on the sofa,” I said quickly.
“But-”
“It’s ok, you’re just there. I’m alright here.” I slowly walked closer to her. I saw her shiver as I got a little closer to get the pillow and blanket but it also disappeared as soon as I got away.
“I’m sorry,” she said and wrapped her body in a blanket. I wanted to cry but I restrained myself. I feel sorry for her because of her reaction to me. I know it’s my fault why she’s acting like that so I’ll wait until she recovers.
“Just wake me up if you need anything. Just threw anything something on me. A pillow perhaps for not being too painful.” I tried to pull a joke and I saw her smile while nodding.
“Dustine, I can be there on the sofa and here you are,” she insisted.
“Nah, I’m good here.” I shook the sofa and then sat down. I smile at her to let her know that I am ok.
“Your body might hurt.”
“Don’t mind me. I’m ok.” I just sat down and then wrapped the body in a blanket. “You can sleep first.”
“I can’t sleep yet.”
“Hmp, wanna talk something?”
“Like?”
“Anything,” I said. She did not say a word. She looked around as if thinking.
“I know something,” suddenly she said.
“Tell me.”
“Play the guitar.”
“Huh?” I was surprised by what she said so I was able to sit up. “What are you saying?”
“Guitar, how long have you not played the guitar. Before, you used to play the guitar in the school so my classmate was also thrilled. I’m also sure that’s why Erika fell in love with you because of your playing.”
I smile remembering those old days. At times I still love to play. I always play the guitar while singing and sometimes she goes along. Cooper wants me to be a part of the school band. There is this one time he signed me up but I didn’t show up.
I sing to Erika when the leader of the group heard me. I was taken to the professor and they talked to daddy but I insisted that I didn’t want to. Until the lead vocalist and guitarist fell ill on the day of the University match at another school. Erika was convinced to play at least once to save the school. It’s okay if we will lose the important thing we compete.
For the last minute I said yes. There was no practice because we left immediately into the fight. On the bus, I just practiced the guitar for the song they gave me. And we won the first prize. Because of that we were all exempted from the exam because even without sensible practice we win.
My first was the last performance on stage because of Erika.
“I don’t have a guitar,” I said. I threw it away when Lileth and I started to mess.
“I have it.” I frown my head because of what she said.
“How?” But instead of answering, she stood up and then went to a closet that I did not open because she said it was her old things. She took something there.
“This.”
“Did you hide that?” That was the guitar that I always used when I was in college. I bought that on my first salary in dad’s company when I was fifteen.
I put that in the warehouse to include in the discarded ones when our relationship started to get messy. Because every time I see that I just remember the happy memories we both have. And every time I remember that it hurts me to think he cheated on me.
And lastly, so that I don’t remember Erika anymore. Because she was the first one I sang of that.
“I know how much you love it. You said it was the first thing you bought with your first paycheck.” She laid the guitar on the end of the bed so I picked it up. I smile and start to strum the guitar. It feels like Deja Vu. It’s like just yesterday I was holding and playing.
“Do you remember the song we both sang?” I asked and she nodded. “Wanna sing with me?” Again he nodded so I smiled.
We started to sing and felt each lyric remembering our past and how happy we are back then. Every line of the song penetrates the heart. Every word is a happy recollection of the past. Past without pain and just pure fun. In the past, we were the only ones who understood each other.
I’ll be there waiting
I will always love you
I will always stay true
There’s no one who love
You like I do
Come to me now
Lileth and I cried one after the other when we finished singing. No one spoke to us and we both just listened to each other’s sobs. The fun and smile we had earlier while singing was replaced by tears and pain.
I never thought we would go through this. I never thought we would come to this. To hurt us both was just because she wanted to protect me.
“This is not my dream for us.” I didn’t want to stop crying so I looked up. “This is not what I want for us, Lileth.”
“I’m sorry, Dustine.”
“I want a happy family with you. Have a problem but not like this. Why, why did we end up like this? Why did this happen to us?”
“I’m sorry, Dustine, forgive me.”
“Lileth, help yourself. Promise that when I am free to approach you I will have nothing else to do but take care of you and satisfy you. I will be forgiven of all my sins.”
“Dustine, do you still love me?” I want to stand up and approach her. I want to let her know that my love hasn’t changed. Even though I thought she cheated on me and hurt me I still loved her.
“I love you. Even though I thought you had someone else. Even though I was tempted by others but I still love you.”
“Sorry. I’m sorry.” This is so hard. It’s hard that I am not able to get close to her. I want to hug her and calm her down but I can’t. I want us to be together. I want to approach her, I want to touch her.
I WOKE UP at the midnight to go to the bathroom. I still narrowly walked to the bathroom. When I came out, my eyes adjusted a bit. I passed Lileth sleeping peacefully so I stopped opposite her.
I sat on the floor while looking at her gentle face. She is like a sleeping angel. Her face was very innocent. The pain and hardship she went through were not obvious.
So I also wouldn’t blame Dylan if until now she still couldn’t moveon and he was still hopeful. Except for the boss of her face, they are the only two who understand each other.
I gently stroked her face. From the forehead to the nose and to the cheek. I stood up carefully and kissed her on the forehead. For a few minutes I applied my lips to his forehead. My cold lips felt the heat of her forehead. Following my tears.
I hope I am also free to do it again with her without stealth. I hope I can do it too. I don’t need to sneak while she’s asleep because at any time I can get close to her. Not just a kiss on the forehead, but also on the lips with a hug.
“Hmp!” I quickly stood up and walked away as she moved and looked up at me. She also quickly sat down and put on a blanket. “Dustine.” She grabbed her head as if wiping so I wiped my face as well.
“I’m sorry, you’re asleep so I kissed you on the forehead. I’m sorry if I woke you up. I can’t do it when you’re awake so I took the opportunity while you were asleep.”
“Are you crying?”
“I can’t help it.”
“Dustine, I’m going to try to be okay so we can go back to normal.”
“Go back to sleep. Sorry if i disturbed you.”
“It’s okay, I’ll go to c-cr too.” She put on the blanket and stood up. But when she got up on the floor she fell back on the bed and grabbed her stomach. “Argh!”
“Lileth! Lileth, what’s wrong?” I want to come but how? She might lose her temper when I get close. “Lileth, please tell me what’s wrong?” I had a worried question when I saw her squirm.
I remember it often happened to her. Then she will faint. Before, I didn’t care but now, my worries are too much and I can’t be bothered.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”
“You’re not ok, I’ll call Keisha,” I said because I could see she was sweating and pale.
“I’m Okay. It will go like in the past.”
“Are you sure?” I had a concerned question and I wasn’t convinced.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I didn’t protest anymore even though I was really worried because she didn’t behave normally when she was hurt. But I couldn’t do anything because apart from not being able to get close to her I knew she would insist she is ok.