Chapter 27
Nikolai
After a long day, I’ve just taken a shower when I hear a knock at the door.
I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist before walking to the living room. “Who is it?”
“It’s Abbie.”
My lips curve up, and when I open the door, Abigail’s eyes go wide as saucers.
“Oh…ahh…oh.” She tilts her head as her gaze drifts up and down my body.
“I just got out of the shower. Come in.” I wait for her to enter the suite before I shut the door behind her, then say, “Make yourself at home. I’ll be back in a minute.”
She nods, her eyes not leaving my body.
I’m fucking relieved to see she’s still attracted to me, and I can’t stop from grinning as I walk to the bedroom. I leave the door open as I drop the towel, and grabbing a pair of sweatpants, I pull them on.
When I return to the living room, Abigail’s standing in front of the windows, staring out over the gardens.
She turns around, and her eyes get stuck on my chest again, then she shakes her head. “Ah, I wanted to ask you a favor.”
“Anything,” I murmur as I move closer to her.
She takes a deep breath before asking, “Would you mind if I slept here?”
A smile spreads over my face. “Of course not.”
I take a chance and wrap my arm around her before gently tugging her closer.
She tilts her head back, uncertainty dancing in her eyes. “You’re not going to ask why?”
I shake my head. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”
She looks at me as if I’m one of the seven wonders of the world.
Christ, I really want to kiss her.
Abigail keeps staring up at me, and when I slowly lower my head, she doesn’t try to pull away. Not wanting to move too fast, I press a kiss to her cheek before lifting my head and meeting her eyes.
When she places her hands on my sides, I take it as a good sign, but not wanting to cross a line, I ask, “Can I kiss you?”
Her eyebrows furrow together before she whispers, “No one has ever asked my permission to kiss me.”
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” I explain.
Fuck, this friendship thing is pushing me to my limits, but I understand it’s what she needs from me right now.
The corner of her mouth lifts. “I wasn’t aware friends kissed each other.”
“It’s a new thing,” I chuckle.
When she doesn’t give me an answer, I ask again, “May I kiss you, Abigail?”
Just as I worry she might overthink things, she nods. “Just a kiss.”
Christ, this is a huge moment. Don’t fuck it up, Vetrov.
Lifting my hands to her face, I frame her cheeks and take a moment to just look at her.
Fuck, she’s exquisite.
I feel the anticipation growing between us, and when she lifts her chin, I lower my head. As gently as I can, I press my lips to hers.
Slow and steady wins the race. Don’t push her too hard.
It takes all my inner strength to only nip at her lips once before pulling back. Giving her a thankful smile, I murmur, “Thank you, moya lyubov’.”
Her gaze searches mine, then she asks, “That’s the entire kiss?” Letting out a chuckle, I pull her into a hug. “Yes, don’t be greedy.” I feel her relax against me, and she lets out a relieved sigh.
You did good, Vetrov.
I get to hold her for a minute before she pulls back.
“Would you like to sit and talk?” I gesture to the sofa. “Or we can watch a movie?”
“I’d like to talk,” she answers. When I remain standing, she asks, “Can you sit down?”
My heartbeat speeds up so fucking fast when I see the tension tightening her features.
Fuck, did I push her too hard with the kiss?
Reluctantly I sit down, resting my forearms on my knees. I lock my hands together and suck in a deep breath, my eyes glued to Abigail’s face.
For a while, she stares at the carpet, then she whispers, “Do you know what happened to me?”
“Besides the beating?” My heart stutters in my chest. “I have my suspicions.”
Abigail turns her back to me and stares out the window again. I watch as she wraps her arms around herself.
I wish I could be the one to hold her.
But this moment is huge, and I won’t do anything that will stop her from opening up to me.
She takes a deep breath. Her voice is strained when she says, “This is really hard for me.”
“Take your time, baby.” I clear my throat before I add, “I think it will help a great deal if I know for sure what happened, that way, I won’t accidentally do something to trigger you.”
Abigail nods. “I’m struggling to say the words.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning? Tell me what happened when your SUV was hit.”
My eyes don’t leave her as she gathers the courage to open up to me. “Uhm…” she takes another deep breath, letting it out slowly. “The SUV
flipped a couple of times. I was disorientated, but I heard their footsteps. They were talking in Japanese, so I didn’t understand what they were saying.”
Abigail pauses, rubbing her hands up and down her arms as if she’s cold.
“A man grabbed my feet and dragged me out of the SUV. He punched me until I lost consciousness.”
Jesus Christ.
Closing my eyes, I lower my head. This is fucking unbearable to hear.
Her voice is hoarse and nothing more than a whisper when she continues, “When I came to…” Her breathing speeds up.
Every muscle in my body tenses, and I swear my heart stops beating.
My breathing stalls in my throat. “One of them was on top of me.” Fuck.
FuckFuckFuck.
I suck in a desperate breath of air as horrifying pins and needles spread over my body.
Unable to sit and listen, I rise to my feet. My eyes lock on Abigail as I slowly move closer to her.
When I’m right behind her, a strangled sound escapes her. With her head bowed to try and hide her face from me, she turns around.
Seeing the tears spiraling over her cheeks cuts me to the bone. “You don’t have to say it,” I murmur.
Her head jerks as if she’s trying to get rid of the memories. Her jaw clenches, and I can hear her teeth grind against each other.
“I was raped,” she delivers the blow that changes my life forever.
It’s one thing having a suspicion, but it’s a whole different monster when it becomes a reality.
My woman was violated in the worst way possible. A fucking bastard took what wasn’t his to take.
The asshole in me rages because someone touched what’s mine.
The man in me is fucking appalled with my species. I’ve been raised in a family where women are treated like the treasures they are.
The soul who loves this woman unconditionally weeps for the vile act she suffered.
Uncontrollable rage tears through me like a savage beast. My body starts to quiver like a bow that can’t stretch any farther.
I lift a shaking hand and wrap my fingers around the back of her neck. It feels as if I’m stuck in slow motion as I pull her against my chest.
Stay calm. You have to be strong for her.
I close my eyes and force myself to focus on Abigail.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner,” I groan, my arms locking around her trembling body. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from leaving St. Monarch’s.”
She shakes her head as sobs burst from her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t man up sooner. If I had told you how I felt…if I hadn’t been so stubborn…”
“It’s not your fault,” she cries. “I was ordered to go home by my father.
Nothing you did would’ve changed that.”
I hold her tighter, curving my body around hers. “I’m so fucking sorry you had to suffer such an atrocity.”
I press a kiss to her hair, my heart shattering into a million pieces. I feel her pain radiating from her, and for the first time since I’ve become a man, a tear rolls down my cheek.
My voice is unrecognizable when I whisper, “I’m sorry, moya lyubov’.”
Abigail is the first to calm down, and pulling away from me, she wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hand.
When she keeps her eyes lowered, I place my finger beneath her chin and nudge her face up. Locking eyes with her, I say, “Don’t hide. I love all of you, Abigail. Your demons are my demons.”
Her face is torn from the despair she feels. “Do you pity me?”
“Christ, no.” I shake my head as I frame her face with my hands. “I’m fucking angry, and my heart hurts for you. My soul rages at the injustice that I didn’t get to kill the fucker.”
Fresh sobs burst from her before she throws her arms around me. It sounds like the cries are being torn from her soul as she breaks in my arms.
“It hurt so much.”
I clench my jaw as unrelenting rage consumes me. I need to destroy something the way she’s been destroyed.
Abigail lifts her tear-streaked face to me and allows me to see the disgust she feels. The horror that’s been hiding in her eyes is now a living monster.
“I don’t know what to do.” She shakes her head. “The memories are killing me.” Her hand grips my bicep, her nails digging into my skin. There is devastating desperation on her face as she looks at me like I hold the power to save her. “I can’t deal with it, Nikolai. I can’t…”
I sweep her up into my arms and walk to the sofa. Cradling my woman against my chest, I press kisses all over her face. “I’ll hold you, so you won’t shatter,” I promise. “I’ll carry you so you can use all your strength to fight the demons.”
Her arms wrap around me, and she clings to me.
She faced her trauma alone. For an entire fucking month.
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me,” I murmur hoarsely. “I’ll do everything in my power to help you heal.”
My arms cage her to me where no one will dare to touch her.
I have no idea how much time passes before she whispers, “I don’t have nightmares when I’m with you.”
Thank. Fucking. God.
“From now on, you’ll stay by my side, baby,” I order. If I can make sure she never suffers a fucking nightmare, then I’ll handcuff her to me if need be.
Abigail presses her face against my neck. “I feel safe with you.”
My heart constricts, the words meaning everything to me because I know it’s what matters most to her. She needs to feel safe so she can heal.
“I’ll never allow anyone to hurt you again. I’ll fucking kill for you, Abigail.” I pull her back so I can see her eyes as I vow, “You are mine, and I am yours. You’ll always be safe in my arms.”
There’s so much worry tightening her features when she asks, “What if I can never be intimate again?”
Jesus Christ.
“Baby,” I breathe, “don’t worry about that.”
“But…” her eyebrows draw together, her expression heartbreaking, “you deserve a woman who can give you everything.”
My eyes bore into her, willing her to hear every word as I say, “You.
Are. My. Everything.” I shake my head hard. “You, Abigail.”
Her eyes drift closed. “I’m not the woman you fell in love with.”
“Open your eyes and look at me, baby.” It takes a moment before she obeys. “You are and always will be the woman I fell in love with.” I brush a tender hand over her hair. “You still drive me fucking insane.”
She lets out a burst of laughter, a look of wonder chasing the horror from her soft brown eyes. “You’re incredible.”
Not wanting her to worry about us, I say, “You have complete control over our relationship. I’ll never take anything you’re not comfortable giving.”
The way she’s looking at me, as if I’m her entire world, heals the cracks in my heart.
“Thank you. I needed to hear that.” She relaxes in my arms, resting her head against my shoulder. “You always seem to say exactly what I need to hear.”
I press a kiss to her forehead, then murmur, “Get some rest, moya lyubov’. I’ll watch over you.”
I’ll fight your demons and keep your nightmares at bay.
So help me, God, I’ll find a way to help you heal. You’ll laugh again.
You’ll be carefree again.
If it’s the last thing I do.