Chapter 26
Abbie
It takes me a couple of minutes to wake up. I can’t remember when last I slept so soundly.
I hear Nikolai’s heart steadily beating beneath my ear. I feel his skin against my palm and cheek.
I’m sprawled over his body, feeling rested and calm.
Just how powerful is this man that he can even keep my nightmares at bay?
“Morning,” he whispers. “Did you sleep well?”
I nod, my cheek brushing against his chest. “Like the dead.” “That makes me happy.”
I remember Nikolai finding me last night after I was woken by a nightmare. He brought me here and allowed me to cry my heart out without asking any questions.
Does he know?
For the first time since the rape, I consider telling Nikolai, but instantly my stomach churns, and my muscles tense.
“Get out of your head, moya lyubov’,” he says before his fingers find my chin, nudging my face up so I’ll look at him. “Stay with me in the present.”
I stare into his eyes until the demons retreat to the shadows, then murmur, “Thank you for last night.”
The corners of his mouth lift. “Don’t thank me, Abigail. I’m grateful you allowed me to comfort you.”
Jesus, is this really the same man I drove insane with all my flirting? Over the past month, he hasn’t lost his temper with me. He’s become a solid rock I can depend on.
“I used to annoy the living shit out of you. Why are you so nice to me?” I hold my breath until Nikolai lets out a chuckle. “Yeah, one minute I wanted to strangle you, and the next you held my heart in the palm of your
hand.” His eyes are intense as they stare into mine. “Isn’t it obvious?” Surprise ripples through me.
Could it be?
Really?
His fingers brush over my cheek. “I love you, Abigail.”
But why? I’ve been an absolute disaster. We haven’t been intimate since the ambush.
Nikolai must see the questions in my eyes because he answers, “I love you because you drive me insane. You have no filter.”
My mouth curves into a smile. “It sounds like you should hate me.”
He shakes his head. “I’ll never be able to hate the best thing to ever happen to me.”
Only then do the words sink in.
Nikolai Vetrov loves me.
Or the past version of me.
I push away from him and brush my fingers through my hair. “I’ve changed.”
“I know.”
“I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”
I feel his hands on my shoulders, and his chest presses against my back.
Nikolai kisses my shoulder.
“I love all of you, Abigail. The whole and the damaged.” He turns me to face him, the serious expression on his face telling me he’s being honest. “I want you any way I can get you.” His fingers brush over my cheek again. “And right now, it’s as a friend.”
I stare at Nikolai, my eyes taking in his bare chest, the tattoos, and his tousled hair.
This is the kind of man I’ve always wanted. Everything about him is perfect.
And because I care for him, I won’t give him false hope. I’d never be that cruel.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever…” I hesitate before I force the words out, “be ready for a relationship.”
“I’m not asking for one,” he assures me. “I just want your friendship.” To clarify, I say, “No friends with benefits.”
He nods. “You have complete control over our relationship.”
One of the most powerful men I know is giving me complete control.
I inhale deeply, his words acting as a soothing balm to my soul. They make me feel safe.
“Thank you.” I wrap my arms around him and press a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for being patient with me.”
Nikolai lets out a chuckle. “You can reward me for my good behavior by joining me for breakfast.”
Pulling away, I smile at him. “Is feeding me a fetish you have?”
He shakes his head as he gets up. Walking to his closet, he says, “No, I just don’t like it when my woman starves.”
His woman.
Nikolai glances over his shoulder. “Are you okay with that? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Okay with eating?” I ask.
“No. With me telling you how I feel and calling you mine?”
Be still, my swooning heart.
“Friends can love each other,” I say. “Right?”
A hot smirk curves his lips. “Of course.” He gestures to the door. “Go get ready for the day. I’ll wait for you outside your suite.”
“Yes, sir,” I chuckle, feeling so much better after the good night’s rest and knowing exactly what’s going on between Nikolai and me.
It’s one less problem to deal with, so I can use all my strength to process and heal from the rape.
It also feels good to know Nikolai supports me without knowing what happened. I feel safe with him because he doesn’t ask questions I can’t answer.
Walking to my suite, I quickly shower and change into clean cargo pants and a long-sleeve shirt. The clothes are a size too big for me, but that’s how I prefer them now.
When I step into the hallway and shut my door behind me, Nikolai’s leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
I might be broken, but I still think he’s the most attractive man I’ve ever seen.
“Ready?” he asks as he pushes away from the wall.
I nod, and as we walk to the stairs, bitterness creeps into my heart. My rapist stole so much from me, and I hope he’s suffering endless torture in hell.
Just as we head down the stairs, Nikolai’s phone rings. As he pulls the device from his pocket, he says, “Go ahead and grab us a table. I won’t be long.”
I walk to the dining room and pick a table in the corner. I sit down and pull the menu closer.
“Damn, girl,” a random guy says.
My eyes dart up, and seeing one of the cartel members who’s training here, I quickly climb to my feet.
He waves a hand over me. “What’s with the clothes? You used to be a sight for sore eyes.”
My heartbeat speeds up until it’s hammering in my chest, and sweat beads over my skin. My mouth is dry as I say, “Leave me alone.”
The cartel member’s eyes drift over my body. The way he’s looking at me is creeping me out and making the demons crawl to the surface.
Suddenly the table flies away from me as Nikolai shoves it out of his way.
His expression is pure rage as he stalks past me. The cartel member doesn’t even have time to react before Nikolai’s fist slams into his face.
Jesus!
I scurry away from them, pressing my back to the wall while Nikolai grabs the guy by his shirt and beats the shit out of him.
Oh my God. Nikolai’s going to kill the guy.
Just as suddenly as the fight started, it ends. Nikolai lets go of the cartel member, and the guy falls to the floor, out cold from the beating he just received.
When Nikolai turns to look at me, his features cut from pure rage and danger, I instinctively cower back against the wall.
He takes a step toward me, then pauses. I watch as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The dangerous vibe that tenses the air around me slowly fades away, and when he opens his eyes again, he’s calm.
He stalks toward me, wraps a hand around the back of my neck, and squashes me to his chest. “Are you okay?”
“Ah…” I let out a burst of incredulous laughter. “I should ask you that.”
Nikolai pulls back and frames my face, his eyes searching mine. “Are you okay, Abigail?”
I nod quickly, then whisper, “I think so.” My tongue darts out to wet my lips. “Why did you do that?”
Rage flashes over Nikolai’s face, and I watch as he struggles to calm himself again, so he doesn’t scare me. “No one hits on my woman right in front of me.”
“You almost killed him because he was hitting on me?” I gasp, finding it both hot and unsettling.
“Yes.” Nikolai wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me to the other side of the room while he instructs the guards who have gathered to remove the cartel member from the dining hall.
He pulls a chair out and waits for me to sit before he takes a seat next to me. His hand grips mine possessively, and all I can do is stare at him.
His eyes scan over my face again. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He glances in the direction where the guards are dragging the cartel member to the door.
A server moves the table back into its original position.
Nikolai’s eyes swing back to me, and I quickly nod. “I’m fine. I’m more worried about you.”
Even though his lips curve up, he still looks murderous. Shaking his head, he says, “As long as you’re okay, I’m fine.”
I let out another bust of laughter, then ask, “So you’re the jealous and possessive kind?”
He tilts his head. “If keeping my woman safe means I’m jealous and possessive, then the answer is yes.”
I swear I swoon a little as warmth trickles into my heart.
“You don’t think you overreacted a bit?” I ask, making sure to keep my tone playful, so I don’t upset him.
Nikolai shakes his head. “The fucker is alive, isn’t he?”
Staring at Nikolai, I realize he’s still the same person I flirted with before the rape. He’s still the ruthless blood diamond king I was fascinated by.
Just because he’s patient and loving with me doesn’t make him less dangerous.
He’s just not a danger to me.
His fingers brush over my temple as he asks, “What are you thinking?” “How lucky I am that I’m no longer your enemy.”
He chuckles, a hot smile spreading over his face. He pulls me closer and kisses my forehead before pushing a menu into my hands. “What do you want to eat, moya lyubov’?”
Shaking my head at the sudden change in conversation, I decide on French toast and bacon.
Even though Nikolai just beat the shit out of a guy for talking to me, I feel even safer with him than before.
While Nikolai places our orders with a server, I stare at him again. Maybe I should open up to him? He’s done nothing but support me.
God, he might already know what happened to me. If that’s the case, I’m sitting here worrying over nothing.
Shit, should I speak to him about the rape or not?
Nikolai turns his attention back to me, then gives me a loving smile.
He said he loved me.
He’s been honest about his feelings. Maybe it’s time I do the same.