21

21
BRANDON
“Alicia?” I ask.
“Hmm?” She’s resting beside me, her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed. I’m alternately watching her and staring up through the leaves of the tree above us. I don’t know when in my life I’ve felt this relaxed. Maybe never.
Alicia is what’s always been missing.
“I meant what I said,” I tell her. “I don’t want you to go back to your human life.”
She doesn’t react defensively or angrily this time. She doesn’t even sigh at me. “What’s the alternative?”
It sounds like she’s really asking. Like there’s an answer she’d accept.
So I try. “Stay here,” I say. “Stay here with me. With the pack. With your father and your sisters.”
“And Lonnie?”
“We’ll find a way to deal with Lonnie. You said yourself that he didn’t know who he was dealing with when it came to you.”
“He’s going to be alpha,” Alicia says. “I can’t stay here under an alpha like that. Frankly, I don’t know how any of you can do it. Don’t you sometimes want to leave?”
“He’s a tool,” I agree. “But even so…this is my pack. I’m not going to abandon it just because it’s in the hands of a douchebag like your brother. That’s just when the pack needs good people around.”
She exhales slowly. “You’re a better person than I am.” “I’m really not.”
“You’re thinking of the pack. I’m only thinking of myself.”
“Oh, come on. We both know that isn’t true,” I say. “You’re thinking of what’s best for your baby.”
She nods. I feel her hair move against my chest. “I really am.”
“But you don’t think growing up in the pack would be good for the baby?” “Not under Lonnie.”
“I mean generally,” I say. “Isn’t it going to be hard to raise a shifter in the human world? I can’t even imagine doing that.”
“I’ll figure it out,” she says. “We’ve managed so far.”
“Yeah, but it’s one thing with a baby,” I say. “Toddlers are different. What will you do when the shifting starts?”
“I do worry about it,” she admits. “I think she’s getting close to that point.”
She. It’s a girl.
That’s going to change things for Lonnie, I think-but do I tell him? She’s opening up to me right now. She’s telling me these things in confidence. I feel sick with guilt at the fact that I’m betraying her.
Then again, Lonnie found out this baby existed in the first place from David. David could just as easily find out the gender and let Lonnie know that.
And besides, the fact that the baby is a girl is good for Alicia. It means Lonnie might finally calm down and decide to stop targeting her.
So, yes. I’ll tell him. It’s what’s best for Alicia-and for her daughter. Another thought occurs to me. “Hey, Alicia?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think-could I meet her?”
Now she does grow tense. It seems like something about that suggestion really bothers her, but I’m not sure what.
Maybe I’ve crossed a line. “I don’t have to,” I say quickly. “Why do you want to?”
“Well, just because she’s yours. I’m interested in you. I’m interested in your life. I’d like to get to know her. It’s still so wild to me that you have a kid.”
Alicia chuckles, and I’m glad some of the tension seems to have passed. “It’s still wild to me too,” she says. “Especially now that I’m back here. Being in Greystone territory makes me feel like I’m a teenager again. I’m not sure if that’s something you can relate to.”
“Not really.” My whole adult life has been here. There’s no reason this place would remind me of being young.
“Just being here makes me feel like I’ve stepped into another life,” she says. “A life where I’m just a kid again. And the fact that I actually have a kid of my own doesn’t belong in that life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. It’s just a little disorienting sometimes.”
“That makes sense,” I say. “You really want to meet her?”
“If you’ll let me. I’m sure it must be stressful letting new people into your
kid’s life.”
She sighs. “I like that you get that,” she says. “Not everyone does.”
I figure she’s probably talking about Lonnie, or maybe the rest of her family. Alicia’s always been so independent. It doesn’t surprise me that she would struggle with letting anyone know her child-even her own family.
So what she says next really surprises me. “You can meet her,” she says.
“Really?” She’s seemed so uncertain about this, and I feel as if she’s really going out on a limb for me. I half expected her to say no, or even just tell me to go to hell for asking.
But she nods. “Maybe you should,” she says. “I should?”
“Well-I just mean, if we’re going to keep spending time together, it doesn’t make sense for me to try to keep her away from you. You’re bound to cross paths eventually, right?”
“I’d like to think so,” I say. “So we are going to keep spending time together, then?”
“You were right in what you said before. There’s something happening here,” she says. “It’s a little scary and a lot inconvenient, but I can’t keep trying to deny it. That just isn’t working out for either one of us.”
I nod. “I’m glad you feel that way,” I tell her. “I want us to be close.” “Even though I’m going to leave?”
“You won’t consider changing your mind about that?”
“I just don’t see how I can,” she says. “Not-not with things the way they are.”
She means Lonnie, I’m almost sure. I want to argue with her-to try to convince her-but that would be wrong. She has to do what’s right for her
kid. She can’t be torn by trying to work out what’s right for me.
I’m not going to do that to her.
“All right,” I tell her. “Then I want us to be close for as long as we can.”