He was all doubtful and shaking his head and frowning at me, and God, Nick, that made me so fucking mad again… So I yelled at the dean too, and I threatened to put the whole thing online and call him out on social media and create a big scandal and stuff like that, and that kinda hit him pretty hard, so he changed his attitude and got more diplomatic but he said that an ethical committee will have to review the case anyways and they’ll go over our statements and reach a decision but in the meantime I’m suspended, and they’ll even consider taking ‘further disciplinary measures’ and all that kind of stuff… Fuck, Nick… It’s bad, it’s really bad… They even talked about expelling me, and all the time we were there in the dean’s office and everyone was kinda trying to dismiss my version, Toby was standing there smirking, fucking smirking all the time, seriously, he had this little evil smile, like the weaselly piece of shit he is, and I so wanted to strangle him, you have no idea, but then I felt so stupid for even putting up with him for so long and letting things get this bad… I don’t know how I got through it but as soon as I was out of that office I just ran away and got into my car and drove off and… And…” Tessa stumbled on her words, her verbal storm abating somehow as she shrugged and concluded: “And that’s how I got here, pretty much.”
For a long moment, Nick remained silent, his intense gaze fixed on Tessa’s lustrous eyes as he processed the avalanche of information she had just unloaded on him. Taking a long steadying breath, he relented his hold on her with one arm for a moment, so that he could shut the door, and then, instinctively locking his arms more tightly around her petite curvy form, he said: “So, Toby hit you.”
Despite the apparent calm in his voice, which could have easily fooled anyone else, Tessa knew Nick too well not to perceive the hot seething rage hiding right below the surface of that statement. Peaceful and quiet and sweetly nerdy as he was, Tessa knew Nick to also be fearlessly protective of the people he loved and, when the situation required it, shockingly unafraid even in the face of evident danger. Sure that he wouldn’t think twice about getting in his car, driving to Toby and giving him the ass-kicking he deserved, Tessa was suddenly filled with anxiety at the thought that, by revealing Toby’s behavior and thus triggering Nick’s protective instincts toward her, she was now dragging Nick down with her and forcing him to be involved in a shit storm that she had no right to inflict upon him. Feeling guilty but also deeply happy to see how promptly and willingly Nick had taken up the role of white knight for her, Tessa rapidly shook her head, sending droplets of rain spraying around from her damp hair.
“No, nonono, Nick, don’t worry. Toby didn’t hit me. He was about to, but I got him first.”
“But he was going to hit you,” Nick pressed on, not entirely pacified even by the triumphant smile that had dawned on Tessa’s lips as she reiterated her victory by K. O. in her altercation with Toby. “That sneaky little fuck…” Nick dourly grumbled. “I knew it. I knew he wasn’t even remotely good enough for you, from the first time I met him, I knew. But I thought it was just me, that I was biased against him because I was just jealous. And now this happens, and… If he had hurt you, Tess,” he concluded, locking his arms desperately around her, his deep, usually steady voice trembling in a moment of true fear. “I could never have forgiven myself. Never.”
Tessa was shocked by the vulnerability with which Nick exposed his so far unspoken feelings about her being with Toby, whom she was now all too happy to label her ex boyfriend. Over the last three and a half years, Tessa’s on-and-off-and-on-again relationship with Toby had deteriorated significantly, and more than once she had dwelt on thoughts of Nick, and of how different things would have been if only she had been with him instead. Knowing that their paths had diverged and that he had moved on and had other girls in his life, Tessa had always considered herself a fool for thinking that Nick may still love her the way he used to, even though she didn’t doubt that he would always have a certain degree of affection for her, just like she would for him. But now, hugging him fiercely, looking up into his eyes as he stared intensely at her, visibly scared at the prospect of what could have happened to her, Tessa knew that her fantasies about Nick still loving her the way she dreamed he would were not so fanciful after all.
“Please, Nick…” Tessa murmured, her doe-eyed expression finally dispelling Nick’s moment of grimness. “Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault. And, please, don’t be sad because of me. I’m okay, really. I got away from all that crap, and now that…” Tessa suddenly stopped, realizing that she was about to put Nick on the spot by completing that sentence and admitting that she had thought everything would be okay once she was with him.
The idea of the two of them finally getting back together had seemed so good and right and unavoidable in her mind as she drove all the way to him, but now a sudden chill ran down Tessa’s spine: for the first time since she had wrapped her arms around him, she fully realized that Nick was wearing a pink terry cloth robe that was several sizes too small for his tall frame and quite obviously belonged to a girl. Was it Mia’s? Or maybe it was Ashley’s, the new girl that Nick had mentioned in passing during their last conversation a few weeks before, another girl apparently involved in the ‘buttfuck buddies’ agreement that Nick already had with Mia.
But it didn’t really matter whose robe he was wearing. All of a sudden, Tessa felt guilty and flushed and embarrassed. It had been a stupid idea to show up at Nick’s door and assume that he would drop everything to be with her. It had been presumptuous and crazy and just plain dumb of her, and she hated herself for putting both herself and, which hurt even more, Nick in that awkward position.
Letting out a choked whimper, trying to fight back the bitter tears that once again started welling up in her eyes, Tessa pulled back a little from Nick’s embrace, but she couldn’t bring herself to unwrap her arms from around him, and he wasn’t giving any sign of wanting to break their hug either. In a shaky voice and with her adorable face twisted in a sad, guilty expression, Tessa spoke haltingly while a shiny tear rolled down her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Nick… I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have come here… You don’t deserve any of this, it was wrong of me to do this to you… I… I should go… I’m sorry, I…”
At that point, Tessa was openly crying and sobbing again, feeling distraught at the mere idea of leaving and thus depriving herself of the grounding, comforting, protective presence of Nick. Shivering both from the cold and the anxiety seeping into her very core, Tessa couldn’t stop sniffling and blinking to clear her tear-filled eyes even as she felt Nick’s fingers on her face, his fingertips delicately wiping the tears from her cheeks and stroking her gently, tracing her jawline and calming her, until his hand cupped her chin and raised it so that she was looking up straight into his warm, understanding gaze.