That was all it took to snap Tessa out of the second-guessing, self-doubting mood that had descended on her while she walked to Nick’s place under the pouring rain, feeling like she was making a horrible mistake and yet knowing that she could do nothing else, because this was exactly what she was supposed to do. Now, in a heartbeat, as her eyes stayed locked with Nick’s and she watched his arms opening for her and heard his voice speak her name again, Tessa felt the last of her restraint snap, allowing her to let go completely.
Before she knew what she was doing, Tessa had flung herself into Nick’s arms and hugged him desperately, encircling his slender body with her arms and pressing her face against his chest. Immediately Nick’s embrace tightened around her too, and a sense of inner warmth pervaded Tessa so deeply and calmed her nerves so easily that she was almost overwhelmed by how right and natural and good it felt to be there, safe in Nick’s arms. Without even realizing it, she began talking, pouring her heart out as her eyes brimmed with tears of relief and tentative joy at the sight of him.
“Oh Nick! I’m so sorry to show up like this, I just… I didn’t know what else to do and all I could think about was you, I really should have called first, I’m sorry, Nick… I was just so scared and angry and everything fell apart so fast, but I was kinda happy at the same time… I know it makes no sense but it actually does, in a way, I mean… I’ve been living a lie and I hated it and I knew, Nick, I knew it, but until today…”
Forced to take in some air after delivering that initial verbal barrage, Tessa sniffled and blinked, locking gazes with Nick. After a deep steadying breath, she went on in a somewhat calmer tone, the comforting feel of Nick’s embrace egging her on to answer the questions she could see fleeting in his intense brown eyes, questions that she loved him for not actually voicing nor forcing her to answer, questions that she felt nonetheless he deserved to know the answers to right away.
“I broke up with Toby,” Tessa blurted out, gulping down the lump in her throat. Much to her surprise, she felt almost instantly better once those words were out, as if only by speaking them out loud in the presence of Nick they became true and fully made sense, finally unveiling the positive implications that, so far, had seemed all too vague to Tessa but now became solid and real like the tight, comforting hug she and Nick were sharing.
“We’re done, it’s final. God, I feel so stupid for staying with him so long, I should have just… Well, it’s over now, but it was so messy, Nick, oh my God, it was such a mess you have no idea… Basically, he kinda, uhm, caught me playing with one of my buttplugs, like right while I was using it so, yeah, he really freaked out and said lots of nasty shit about me and, Nick, I swear to you, I just kinda snapped, you know, like, I couldn’t take it anymore. So I told him to go fuck himself because it was all his fault, and I wouldn’t even need dildos or buttplugs or anal beads and none of those ‘filthy things’, as he calls them, if he had only fucked me in the ass once in a while for a change! I was just so mad, Nick, but it’s true, like, he never wanted to do anything anal and I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I just yelled back at him and, uhm, I also mentioned you, and how I was always satisfied with you and I never had to use toys and stuff when I wanted to have something inside my ass… At first he was kind of in shock, but then he got even madder than before, I had never seen him like that, ever, and he started calling me a slut and all sorts of nasty things, but at that point I was like fuck you, so I yelled back, and I mean loud, and I think he wasn’t expecting it, and then all of a sudden he was in my face and he looked so scary and threatening, you know, and he sort of pulled his hand back, like he was about to slap me or punch me or whatever, but I was in this sort of berserk fury at that point so I kneed him in the balls real fast and he just kinda feel to the floor, like, instantly and, and… Well, that’s when I sort of snapped out of it and realized what I’d done and, uhm, I sorta panicked, and I ran out of my room and there were all these people out in the hallway, oh my God, Nick, it looked like half the dorm was there, seriously… Anyways, we got called into the dean’s office, and that’s Toby’s uncle by the way, and fuck, I can’t believe he did it, but he actually did, fucking Toby… Basically, he told the dean, his uncle, that I was ‘anally masturbating with a sex toy’, yeah, seriously, he used those exact words, and I was like, ‘what the fuck, you moron, why don’t you shut up, that stuff is, like, super private’, but he didn’t care, he just went on and said that I was immoral and my behavior was all messed up and he even said that it was me who attacked him and it was totally unprovoked! Can you fucking believe it?! That lying piece of shit said that I attacked him and kicked him in the nuts for no reason, and he made a big deal about the whole thing, talking about our duties as good Christians at a Christian college and blablabla, all sorts of phony moralistic stuff, that lying hypocrite! I tried to tell my version of the story too, which happened to be the truth by the way, but guess what: the dean, surprise surprise, sided with his spineless liar of a nephew! Yeah, he didn’t believe me!