Collapsing into my chair I kicked off my sneakers stretching out my toes. So much for taking it easy. It had been non-stop from the minute I finished my first surgery.
I had just finished removing a bullet from a man’s chest which took longer than expected. Not gang or club related, his son found his gun and open fired. Josh had spent 30 minutes on the phone to social services explaining the situation. I had to message my mom to pick up Everleigh as I couldn’t get away.
I hadn’t heard from Blaze since I told him to get out. Probably away licking his wounds somewhere. It’s best he stays out of my way for the rest of the night and possible tomorrow.
What pissed me off more was him thinking that wasn’t cheating. Cheating isn’t always physical although a lap dance is physical. He wasn’t getting off lightly this time. I wasn’t the same person I was all those years back.
I wasn’t going to cry over it, over him. He knew that I wouldn’t tolerate the same bullshit as before. I was better than that. I had more to worry about, more responsibility than before.
I had our daughter to think about and our unborn child.
“So, I have an idea”. Ally came bursting through my door like always.
“I thought you were in surgery?”. I asked.
“Got cancelled until tomorrow. The patient ate something beforehand therefore I can’t do it. Anyway, are you busy?”. She was grinning from ear to ear.
That was never good.
“How about we go get our first ultrasound together?”.
As much as I wanted to I couldn’t. Blaze wasn’t my favourite person right now, but this was something I couldn’t do without him. He missed so much with Everleigh. I wasn’t taking this away from him.
“I can’t”. I smiled.
“Oh”. She frowned. “Blaze?”.
“Yeah”. I shrugged. “Even though I want to punch his fucking face in I can’t do this without him”.
“Are you two fighting again?”.
“At the clubhouse last night, a girl I haven’t seen before told me to ask him where he was last Friday”.
“Do not tell me what I think you’re going to tell me”. She glared. “If he’s cheated on you again Ava, I’ll chop his balls off”.
“She gave him a dance”.
“A dance?”. She frowned. “She a stripper?”.
“Stripper, dancer, I don’t know but tell me I’m not overreacting”. I wasn’t right? He deserved to suffer right?
“I’d cut the bitch. Fuck I swear she’s glad I’m pregnant”. Hands on her hips she started pacing my office. “I knew he was in the doghouse. Dirty little rat”.
“What do I do?”. I asked.
“Nothing”.
“What?”.
“You do nothing”. She smirked. “He’ll be expecting a massive argument, the tears and all the rest of the shit that comes with it. Take your ring off”.
Glancing down at the finger I chewed my bottom lip. If I took that off, he would know I was serious.
“Take it off and give him it back. He doesn’t fucking deserve you”.
Slipping the ring from my finger I slipped it into the front pocket of my uniform. Truth was I didn’t want to give him it back. I was so desperate for us to work, for us to be a family. Why did he have to go and fuck everything up?
“I’m done for today. I’m going to pick Everleigh up from my moms and go home”.
“Will he be there?”. She asked.
“I hope not”. Getting to my feet I slipped on my jacket before picking up my bag. “I haven’t heard from him all day”. Slipping my feet into my sneakers I groaned at how sore they were.
“Do not forgive him Ava. Make him work for your forgiveness, make him beg. I swear I’d slit his throat”.
I wasn’t giving in so easily this time. If he wanted me then he could earn me. I was sick of always running back with my tail between my legs. I was always the one who ended up apologising.
Not this time. Locking my office behind me Ally walked me to the front doors.
“I’m here until nine. Are you in tomorrow?”.
“Yeah 8 until 4 but I was meant to finish at 4 today”. It was already 7pm.
“Surgery at its finest”. She grinned. “Keep me posted and if you need me call me, okay?”.
“I’ll be fine”.
Walking to my car I dumped my bag in the back seat making sure I had my phone before getting in. I was hoping he wasn’t home not that I had high expectations. He was never home. Starting my car, I pulled out of the car park and drove to my mom’s.
I was nervous so much I felt sick. I couldn’t go through this again. I wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with his shit. I couldn’t face him right now. Opening the window to let some air in I turned on my radio. I didn’t like the silence. My own thoughts taking over. Hitting my dad’s number, I waited for him to answer.
“Aye?”.
“Are you home or at the clubhouse?”. I asked.
“Home darling! You alright?”.
“I’ll be there in ten. See you soon”. Ending the call, I put my foot down and drove the rest of the way to his house.
Parking in the drive I got out and headed inside. My dad was sat at the dining room table a beer in hand looking over some paperwork. My mom sat opposite eating some pasta.
“Hey baby”.
“Hey”. Taking the seat opposite her I rubbed a hand over my face. I was deadbeat and couldn’t wait to climb into bed. “Is she in bed?”. I yawned.
My mom frowned. “I gave her dinner and bathed her, but Blaze picked her up about an hour ago”.
Of course he did!
“Okay”.
“Are you okay?”. She asked.
“Yeah, just tired. It’s been a long day. I’m going to head off. I’ll phone you tomorrow”.
“Okay baby take care”.
……….
I had sat in the driveway for over an hour. I didn’t want to go into my own house. I didn’t want to face him.
I knew he knew I was there.
Getting out my car I grabbed my bag and slowly made my way to the front door. I had to brace myself for what was to come. Opening the door, I kicked off my sneakers and hung up my jacket.
It was quiet.
Walking through the living room area I headed into the kitchen for some milk. The heartburn was killing me. He was sat at the table nursing a whiskey and a smoke.
Finding a glass, I took the milk from the fridge and poured myself some. “Has she been sleeping long?”. I asked.
“Out like a light on the drive home. Listen darling-…”
“Not now Blaze, I’m going straight to bed. Sleep in the spare room tonight please”. I wasn’t fucking around this time and sex wasn’t going to do the trick.
We argue and that would lead to sex. It wasn’t happening, he wasn’t getting off so easily with this.
“Babe please”.
“No”. Washing out my glass I put it on the draining board and walked out. Heading upstairs I stopped by her door peeking my head inside. I couldn’t help but smile. Arms above her head, one leg out the covers and her mouth wide open catching flies.
She sure as hell was her dad’s child.
After having a quick shower, I changed into clean pjs and went straight to bed. I was sound asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
..
I missed my alarms, slept right through them all. Never once did I wake up through the night and that rarely happens. Stretching out my arms I groaned when I caught sight of the time. It had just gone 10 o’clock.
“Fuck my life”. I sighed.
I had missed taking Everleigh to preschool and I was now 2 hours late for work. Any other time I would have been freaking out and rushing to get myself ready and on the road, but I just wasn’t feeling it today.
I had zero energy and zero motivation.
Grabbing my phone from the nightstand it started to vibrate in my hand. I wasn’t expecting him to be calling me after yesterday.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”. I asked.
“Babe, I did three fucking times. All you kept saying was five more minutes”…
“What happened to pulling the covers off when I refuse to get up?”.
“You’re carrying my kid darling. I don’t need you pissed off and stressed. You obviously needed the rest”.
“Just means I have to work the hours back”. I sighed.
“We need to talk when you get home”…
I wasn’t ready to talk yet. I didn’t want to deal with this right now. He broke my trust, and it wasn’t going to grow back over a conversation.
“Not yet”.
“Ava, you need to let me explain. I-….”.
“And I will but it’ll be on my terms and when I’m ready. I’m not doing this right now. Pick Everleigh up at 4 and drop her at my mom’s. I don’t want you staying at the house”. I didn’t want it to be like this, but he had to learn his lesson.
Everything wasn’t going to go back to normal anytime soon.
“You can’t be fucking serious”. He hissed.
“Bye Blaze”.