With the radio playing in the background, I watched as people started to arrive. I had no idea how long I had sat here but the peace and quiet was giving me time to think.
Would it be easier just to throw in the towel and say it’s over? Had we grown so far apart that we couldn’t rekindle what we once had? Let’s face it we aren’t the same people we were 4 years ago. Do I let it play out and see if we can become those people again? I didn’t know what to do or how to play it. I wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore.
Everything had changed because we had.
I knew my mom wouldn’t be happy because I wasn’t there. It had just turned 8 and I already had numerous texts from her, but I couldn’t bring myself to go inside.
Hearing the roar of bikes, I watched as Blaze and Jared pulled into the lot. Even seeing him made my heart skip a beat. The way he made me feel was the reason I so badly wanted to be together again. I had never lost the way I felt about him I just buried it way deep inside.
I had to see it through. I had to see if this was it for us. Were we strong enough to get through it? Who knows but I had to put everything into it and give it my all.
Never taking my eyes off him I watched as Jared patted him on the back before heading inside. Blaze stood a smoke hanging from his mouth phone in hand. Not a second later my phone vibrated.
‘We need to talk’
Instantly my heart sank. Those are the words you never want to hear or in my case read. Swallowing the lump in my throat I hit reply.
‘Okay’
After hitting send I watched him closely. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions, and he just wanted to explain what was going on. As he disappeared inside, I closed my eyes squeezing them tight. I wasn’t going to cry or so I thought. Leaning back against my chair I let my tears roll down my cheeks. I wouldn’t let him see me cry.
Hearing the loudness of a door being slammed shut I jumped up in my seat watching as Blaze stormed from the clubhouse Jared and Cage not far behind.
“You need to calm down”. Jared yelled. “Shes probably just at the store”.
“She’ll be okay”. Cage sighed but Blaze wasn’t listening.
“I thought she was here. Fuck I swear if anything has happened to her”. Watching as he ran a hand through his hair, I flashed my head lights causing them all to look my way.
As Blaze stormed towards me Jared and Cage headed back inside. Opening the passenger side door, he jumped in slamming it shut.
“Can’t be doing that shit Ava”.
I didn’t know how long his hot and cold attitude was going to last for. I know he was having a hard time and that he had hit a rough patch, but I wasn’t going to let him take it out on me.
“I didn’t do anything I just didn’t feel like going inside. What do you want to talk about?”. May as well get it out the way.
“What?”. He asked rolling down the window as he lit a smoke.
“You said we needed to talk so let’s talk”.
“Later first we’re going inside and showing face”.
“No, you want to talk then we’ll talk right now”. I wasn’t letting him put it off. If he was going to say what I think he was then he was doing it now.
“Damnit Ava”. Slamming his fist off the dashboard I jumped in my seat. Screw this I wasn’t usually scared from him but right now I was terrified. He was off the rails, and I had no idea how to handle him. Something bad was eating away inside.
“You’re right”. I whispered my hand on the door handle. “We’ll do it later” Opening the door I didn’t get far when his hand grabbed my elbow.
“I’m sorry”.
I had to put everything to the back of my mind. I was angry with how scared he was making me feel. I shouldn’t fear the man I love right? But I had to let him work out what he was going through and just be there for him.
I had to toughen up and take it. I had to be his old lady and show him that I still wanted to be.
Leaning over I placed my lips against his cheek. “Later”. I whispered but I didn’t pull back. My hands found their way into his hair his head leaning against my chest.
I missed him so bad.
“We’ll be okay, won’t we?”. I asked my voice barely a whisper. Even with all the different thoughts running through my mind I knew regardless I wanted to be with him. I wanted to be his old lady and someday his wife.
“Yeah babe”. Pulling back, he ran a hand through his hair. I wanted my Blaze back. The cocky, arrogant, hot-headed biker. He was lost and I had no idea how to make it better.
“I miss you”. I whispered causing his head to snap in my direction.
“Miss you too baby so fucking much but right now I can’t seem to get out the bit”. Sighing he took a hold of my hand in his. “Never have any doubt about us Ava. It’s you, me and Everleigh against the world. I haven’t been the best these last few days especially to you but please bear with me and don’t give up on me”. Bringing my hand to his mouth he kissed my knuckles. “Never doubt the love I have for you and only you”.
“I thought you were going to finish us for good”.
“What?”.
“I had all these different thoughts running through my mind. I thought you didn’t want to be with us anymore and that’s what you wanted to talk about”. My heart was hammering in my chest. I knew I should never have doubted him. He loved me.
“Come here”. Not giving me a chance to do anything he was already pulling me into his lap. “I’ve been an asshole. I left you once I promise that won’t ever happen again. I’m not me without you babe and I know that might be hard for you to believe just now but it’s true. You’re stuck with me”. He smiled his nose brushing against mine.
My full body relaxed. Every stupid thought disappeared.
“One little thing we need to talk about”. I whispered my eyes never leaving his. “Everleigh is yours and I won’t tolerate you or anyone else saying she isn’t”. I know my tone had changed but he needed to realise I was being serious.
“I know she’s my kid”. He sighed trying to turn his head away from me but of course I didn’t let that happen. Holding his chin tight I brought his face so close to mine.
“I mean it Blaze don’t ever let me hear you say she isn’t yours”. Nobody and I mean nobody messes with my child.
“Ever tell you how sexy you are when you get serious”. He smirked.
“Blaze”. I huffed letting go of his chin and moving back slightly.
“Got it sweetheart now let’s go get dinner before your mom has both our heads”.
..
Everyone was already sat around the table enjoying the food my mom had prepared. The sound of chatting and laughter spread throughout the clubhouse, the buzz was good.
“Mommy”. She was off her seat and in my arms within a second. “I missed you”. With her hand going straight up into my hair I kissed her cheek.
“Have you been good for nana?”. I asked perching her on my hip. She was never usually awake at this time, and I could already tell she was tired, her hand tied up in my hair was a big tell.
“Yes, mommy tired now”. She yawned burying her head against my neck. She was always in bed and asleep for 7, this was way past her bedtime.
“How about we get you some milk and then I take you to bed?”. Kissing her head, I ran my fingers through her hair.
Milk was out of the question when I heard the light snores coming from her. Another trait she took from her dad, she could fall asleep within minutes.
“I’ll take her you get some food”. He was already detaching her hand from my hair and taking her in his arms.
“I’ll fix you a plate”. Kissing his cheek, I had no idea we had an audience until I turned around and caught my mom smiling at me.
Rolling my eyes, I bit back a smile. The atmosphere in here was different tonight. It was all about family. There were no club girls hanging around just brothers and their old ladies.
Family.
“Hey baby”. Kissing my cheek, she embraced me into a hug “Ill fix you a plate”. Taking a seat, I sat quietly just watching everyone around me. It was nice to finally have a dinner where everyone was in a good mood and there was no drama.
“He good?”. Jared asked taking the seat beside me.
“He’s good”. I smiled taking the plate from my mom. As I began to eat, I started to wonder where he had got too.
“Good”. Squeezing my shoulder, he got to his feet. I had a feeling something was going on with him. Jared didn’t seem himself, but I didn’t want to pry. I knew and he knew he’d come to me if he needed me.
“You, okay?”.
“Always darling. Going for a smoke I’ll catch you later”.
Shaking it off I continued to eat and enjoy the company around me. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal or even something proper to eat. I was always snacking on something or too busy and tried to cook something.
Too caught up in my own thoughts I didn’t notice that people had started to leave the table until I lifted my head and there was only my dad left.
“You good?”. He asked.
“If you mean, are we good then yes we’re okay”.
“No sweetheart are you good?”. Just then my mom made an appearance placing a beer in front of my dad and kissing his cheek.
“You need anything else baby before I go shower?”.
Regardless of their past I knew they were made for each other. The love they both had for each other was priceless.
He whispered something in her ear that made her cheeks red, and I was thankful I couldn’t hear.
“You dirty boy”. She smirked causing me to pull a face. No matter how old you get your parents having sex or talking about sex was gross.
“Yeah, I’m out”. Getting to my feet I could hear them both laughing at my expense. Reaching his room my heart skipped a beat at what I found.
Both out cold and catching flies. Seeing them together like that I couldn’t stop smiling. She was even more like him now. As the little chuckle left my mouth Blaze stirred his eyes slowly opening.