Washing the dishes, I used for breakfast I felt her little arms wrap around my leg.
“Mommy I go outside and play?”.
Bending down I picked her up and held her against me. What Jared said last night hit me hard and I could never imagine the thought of losing a child.
“Just let mommy hold you for a minute”. Squeezing her tight I kissed the top of her head. I couldn’t imagine my life without her and if something or someone had to hurt her, I would die.
“Mommy you crying”. Her little hand reached up and lay against my cheek.
“I’m okay baby”. Kissing her cheek, I placed her on her feet. “Go play but stay inside”.
I didn’t sleep much last night I couldn’t stop thinking about Blaze. The pain and suffering he must be going through. I wanted to be there for him I just wish he would let me. Blaze never was good with emotion. Never was one for letting someone look after him.
Caught up in my own thoughts I didn’t hear him come in. It wasn’t until his arms circled my waist and he pulled me against him.
“Dealing with some shit Ava, heads fucked just don’t give up on me”. With a kiss placed on top of my head his arms fell from my waist and he left.
“Okay”. I whispered my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. He would come to me when he needed too, right now I was letting him deal with it. Grabbing my coffee cup, I walked into the bar area.
“Family dinner tonight”.
My mom and her dinners.
Giving her a nod, my eyes fell onto Everleigh. She was sitting on the floor, but I couldn’t make out what she was playing with.
“Here 7 o’clock and bring Blaze”. Winking at me she diverted her attention as soon as my dad walked through the door.
Family dinners never really turned out as planned. Someone always got too drunk, or someone got too mouthy.
“Papa”. She squealed running into his arms. I didn’t miss the money he shoved into her pocket. Rolling my eyes, I grit my teeth. I knew he was only trying to help but it was embarrassing on my part.
“Your moms going to take her for the night”. He had her perched on his hip as he walked towards me.
“No, she’s coming home with me”. She stayed out last night. I wanted her home with me where she belonged.
“Few things you need to sort out. Your moms keeping her”. The way he said it told me not to argue or disagree.
“Dad”. I sighed.
“Ava”.
“She’s my kid-….”
“And she’s my granddaughter”. He argued putting her down on her feet. “Fix things with her dad” He whispered. “He needs you right now”.
There was nothing to fix we were okay. He was going through stuff, and I was giving him the space to do so. “He’ll come to me when he’s ready dad. I’m not going to push anything”.
“She’s still staying with us”. Grabbing my hand, he placed money into it. “Treat yourself we’ve got it covered here”.
“Dad, I don’t need your money”. He wasn’t giving me the chance to give it back. He just gave me the dad stare, the one that told me to shut my mouth and take it. No arguments needed. “I don’t have anywhere I need to be”. I muttered but his attention had moved onto Everleigh as she was sat in a booth playing with a toy motorcycle.
So that’s what she was playing with earlier.
“New toy?”. I asked him. He was always buying her something. He spoiled her rotten, his excuse she’s his only grandchild.
“Nothing to do with me darling now get out of here. Go buy something new for tonight”. Kissing the top of my head he disappeared to his office.
“Why’s he trying to get rid of me?”.
“Ava”. My mom sighed.
“Sounds like it”. Grabbing my purse, I checked to make sure my keys were inside.
“He’s trying to make it a little easier for you. You do have stuff to do, yes?”.
“No not really”.
And then she gave me that look. They want me to go running after Blaze, but I wasn’t doing that. He needed space and that’s exactly what I was giving him. His son’s anniversary was important, I didn’t want to cause him more stress. His head was all kind of messed up and I didn’t want to make it worse.
“Fine I’ll make myself busy”.
I wasn’t really the type of girl that loved to shop. I had been here for over an hour and yet to by something for myself. Everleigh on the other hand had some new sneakers along with a few new outfits.
Walking into another aisle I came to a stop when I noticed the leather cut the words prospect on the back. He always did like to have someone follow me or so I thought.
My eyes landed on the blond from last night. Wait was she trying it on with a prospect now? As if he could feel me staring, he turned around his mouth falling open when he noticed me.
“A-Ava”. He stuttered catching the blond’s attention. Her nose was plastered up and I started to feel a little guilty especially when she snuck behind him.
“I’m sorry”. It was quiet but loud enough for me to hear her. She wasn’t the one that needed to apologise, I broke her nose. “I know my place here but trust me I’m not interested in Blaze”. Snaking her arm around Luke’s waste he diverted his attention from me and gazed down at her.
“Didn’t look that way last night”. I knew I was scowling but sometimes when it came to Blaze, I couldn’t help it. He was mine.
“I know”. She whispered. “But I’m seriously not interested and even if I was, I’d be wasting my time and I’d really like to not have my nose broken again”.
Wincing I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip. I got her good. Sporting a broken nose and two black eyes.
“Can we talk?”. I asked.
“S-sure”. She stuttered coming out from behind Luke and making her way towards me. I wasn’t going to touch her or do anything bad. I just wanted to make sure she knew what she was really getting into.
“You really like him?”.
“Yes, he’s not like the rest.
“You aren’t his old lady. What happens if one of the other guys wants something?”. I didn’t know Luke that well, but he did seem like a sweet kid, and I’d hate for something bad to happen.
“I only want Luke, I’ll tell them no, I’ll leave if I have too”.
“How old are you?”.
“19”. She whispered.
Yeah, that sounded about right. I had no idea why girls so young wanted to hang around a clubhouse where the majority was older men.
“Dead mom and an alcoholic dad. I have nowhere else to go so your dad lets me hang around and take care of cleaning the club”.
That answered my next question.
“What about college?”.
“School wasn’t really my strong point”. She shrugged “My mom died when I was 15, I ran away on my sixteenth birthday and haven’t looked back”.
“Do you really know what you’re getting yourself into if he gets patched in. It isn’t all hearts and flowers”.
“If I’m here and I’m lucky enough to become his old lady then I’m happy. Haven’t had the best of times but I feel like I belong here”.
Was it bad I didn’t even know this girls name?
“Just be careful and you”. I pointed to Luke “Treat her good and she’ll stay. Don’t fuck it up”.
“I-I won’t”.
“I have to run see you later”. With my phone vibrating in my hand, I held it against my ear.
“You good?”. I asked.
“Getting their baby. You going to your moms tonight?”.
“Why didn’t you tell me Blaze?”. After everything we’ve been through, I didn’t like that he thought he couldn’t come to me when he was feeling like this.
“I’m handling it Ava the best way I know how”.
“You don’t have to do this on your own”. Never once did he tell me the date of his son’s death but never once did, I ask. “I- We’re in it together”.
“You’ve been through enough; you don’t need my shit on top of everything else. I’ve got something to take care of so I should be there around 9pm you good with that?”.
“I’ll keep you some food see you soon”. Ending the call, I put away my phone and started searching for something new to wear.
I had no idea why my mom made such a big deal out of this. She was the type of person that liked to have everyone around the table.
Her family.
My mom could be a bitch at times, but she was the glue that held everything and everyone together. She was fierce and handled her business. No one messed with my dad, or her family and it worked better when she was with him than apart and everyone could see it.
“You look beautiful baby”. My mom stood leaning against the door frame of her room. “But didn’t your dad give you money to buy something new?”. Perching her eyebrow, she made her way into the room.
“Why would I need to buy something new it’s just dinner with family”. Shrugging I took a seat on the edge of the bed slipping my boots on.
“When was the last time you bought something new to wear?”.
“Mom”. I sighed. “Jeans are good for tonight, yes?”. Standing up I slipped on my leather jacket.
“Is that Blazes shirt around your waist?”.
“I have to go run a few errands I’ll be back soon”. Kissing her cheek, she grabbed a hold of my arm.
“You’re beautiful in anything you wear remember that, but we all need a little me time now and again. We’re not trying to take over by keeping Everleigh for the night we’re just trying to give you a brake. You brought her up on your own with no help but please know that we’re here to help”.
“I know and I’m grateful but I’m doing okay. I appreciate you and dad wanting to help. Now I have to go”.
Truth was I didn’t have to go anywhere so sitting in my car at the back of the parking lot was the best idea I had. I felt like I was in a situation I couldn’t get out of. Blaze was dealing with stuff that was more than just his sons’ anniversary.
Something was going on in his head and I so desperately wanted him to tell me. I knew there was things he couldn’t tell me; club life had its secrets that only brothers knew. I honestly wasn’t sure where we stood anymore. He was the love of my life, but I didn’t know if the flame was still burning.