Not eating regularly and having irregular meals can cause stomach problems. Elisa has experienced this, even suffering from stomach cancer.
Hamish, speaking now, is afraid of her pain, her discomfort, her stomachache like before, but he forgets that he is the one who hurts her the most.
Perpetrators probably never see themselves as such.
True to his name, Hamish is harsh, making you uncomfortable and then more uncomfortable.
The conversation comes full circle, and Hamish knows that if things continue like this, Elisa will argue with him.
“Eating something is better than nothing,” Elisa says. After a long silence, Hamish changes the subject: “If you don’t want to eat, then don’t. Don’t upset yourself.”
“Do you even know that one can make oneself sick with anger? You’ve done plenty to make me sick to the point of vomiting,” Elisa slams down her bowl and gets up, her eyes red with anger.
“Hamish, you really don’t care about me at all. By restraining me like this, it’s nothing but your wounded pride. You, Mr. Burns, can only dump others, how could you possibly be dumped? Now you’re watching the people you’ve toyed with happily with someone else. Does that make you feel particularly unsettled?” She doesn’t want to get angry, but when pushed to the edge, she can’t help but lose control, like a trapped animal, only able to rage helplessly.
Hamish says nothing, sitting quietly, listening to Elisa’s words, his hand trembling as he holds the fork.
He’s holding the fork in his right hand, but for some reason, his left hand hurts terribly, as if the scar that had long healed in his palm has been torn open.
The most prominent three lines in the palm, the love line, the career line, the lifeline, Elisa’s cut severed all three lines.
The one who pushes away has no right to regret.
Elisa looks down, “Hamish, you always do things that I can’t understand. What are you really after? Are you truly doing this for my own good? To prove that what you’ve done is right? Or to make others just as despicable as you, so that you can find peace with your past?”
When people are pushed to their limits, they always compare themselves to those worse off, as if dying would leave no regrets.
Hamish still says nothing.
Seeing him looking like a block of wood, Elisa smiles, a self-mocking smile, then turns and walks to the living room, sitting on the sofa where she usually picks up her phone to check for messages, only to realize she’d turned off the internet.
She used to think time flew by, but now she feels every minute and every second is torture.
With blood in his mouth, Hamish slowly finishes the remaining food on the table. He never used to cook; he hated the greasy smell in the kitchen. He usually ate out or ordered food to be delivered. Later on, finding it too much trouble, he hired a chef, but the chef’s meals were never as good or as frequent as Elisa’s.
No matter how good the food at restaurants is, it can become tiring when eaten too often. Only home-cooked food, perhaps simple, will never become tiresome, and even when unable to eat it, one will always long for it.
He really wants to eat Elisa’s cooking again.
Elisa had cooked for him for four years. He had complained about it, but now her cooking has become a luxury he can never taste again.
After Elisa’s death, he suffered severe mental illness for a period, going insane, searching for chefs all over in an attempt to recreate Elisa’s dishes. He even searched all of Chiwood but couldn’t find the taste he was looking for. Finally, he went to Bankshire, thinking of the dumpling shop Elisa often mentioned near Hirola University. Once he tasted it, he knew it was the flavor Elisa loved.
The owner had only seen Hamish in photos on the internet.
When Elisa and Hamish got married, only Elisa was happy. She was so joyful; she wanted to tell the whole world that she was marrying the man she loved. But she knew in her heart that Hamish didn’t love her. The commotion at the wedding only made him more disgusted with her.
The day before the wedding, she went to the dumpling shop with Hamish’s photo, ordered a steaming bowl of dumplings, like a girl in love, full of hope for the future. She pointed at the photo of Hamish and said to the owner, “Mrs. Schoellman, I’m getting married. I’ll be with him for the rest of my life.”
Perhaps at that time, Elisa didn’t know that “the rest of my life” wouldbe so short, that merely four years would consume all her passion. Even boiling water, left for too long, will turn cold. Let alone a heart, which cannot withstand constant grinding. A stone, when ground for too long, will become smooth, but a heart, being flesh, will only decay with grinding. Perhaps that “rest of my life” was meant for the previous life, or maybe the next, but it certainly couldn’t be this one.
Elisa received many blessings at her wedding, and the owner also wished her happiness. However, she didn’t have a happy wedding day. Hamish treated her like an inflatable doll, to be used and discarded, not even fulfilling the duties of a husband.
No one at the time knew that Elisa would die, believing that the man she thought would bring her happiness would be the one to end her life. The Elisa who was once so full of joy ultimately turned to ashes. After enduring so much, she was no longer the same person.
Afterward, Hamish often visited the dumpling shop. The owner, warm and chatty, recognized Hamish and shared many stories about Elisa.
Everyone knew what Elisa liked, but aside from those few who cared for her, no one knew the terrible things he did to her. The dumplings there were Elisa’s favorite. Hamish wanted to learn how to make them, but the owner refused. After being pestered to the point of irritation, she finally gave him an address and told him to find a teacher himself.
The address the owner gave him was the same place Elisa had learned, but the master had retired and no longer took on students. After a long search, Hamish finally knelt at the door for nearly an hour, his legs numb, until the master finally agreed to teach him how to cook.
After leaving the master’s tutelage, the dishes he cooked were very close to what Elisa used to make. In the three years after Elisa’s death, Hamish suffered from severe mental illness, as if his soul had been split in two. He had searched for so many chefs but couldn’t find anyone who could replicate Elisa’s cooking. In the end, he learned it himself. Every time he ate, he felt as if Elisa were still by his side.
Hamish finishes all the food, even when he can’t eat anymore, and finally clears the table, heading to the kitchen.
Hearing the sound of washing in the kitchen, Elisa looks back. She remembers that Hamish is a clean freak; he wouldn’t even cook, let alone wash the dishes.
After washing the dishes, Hamish looks at his phone and flips through the days. “How are you planning to spend Christmas this year?” He asks, noticing the light in Elisa’s eyes dimming.
“If it weren’t for your interference, I would have spent it with Louis,” she replies. She had already made plans with him to prepare a giant Christmas tree and spend a good Christmas together. She had even thought of what Christmas present to give, but now it’s all been disrupted by Hamish.
Christmas is still over a month away, but these days are getting colder.
In reality, Hamish doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas at all. For most people, Christmas is a Western holiday, a good time for couples to go out, but for Hamish, Christmas isn’t pleasant at all. It only reminds him that five years ago, on Christmas Day, he got engaged to Lila, and Elisa died a tragic death in a fire. Christmas is Elisa’s memorial day.
Micah’s words. “Hamish, remember, every year is her memorial day.”
He remembers it very clearly, every day, unable to forget.
“Don’t you like watching the snow? I can take you to the north to see the snow. We can even build snowmen and have snowball fights. If you’re afraid of the cold, we can go to a hot spring?”
Elisa tightens her lips and remains silent.
Standing aside, Hamish speaks to himself, “If you don’t want to see the snow, we can go on a seaside vacation. It’s warm there, and you won’t have to wear heavy down jackets when you go out. I remember you also liked the sea. You once told me that if we honeymooned, you wanted to go to an island.”
Elisa always said he didn’t care about her. Tobias also said that when Lila wasn’t feeling well, he would take Elisa to the hospital for blood tests, but when Elisa coughed up blood in front of him, he remained indifferent.
Did he really not love her, so he chose to ignore her? But he clearly remembered Elisa’s every smile, her likes and dislikes, her fear of the cold and of pain. She mentioned liking snow and going on a seaside vacation, and he could remember for a lifetime.