After spending my day at James’ place, I had come home to take some time to relax. Well, probably because Vicki was very annoyed, she hadn’t come home with me. I had tried calling her a couple of times, but her phone wasn’t going through. She had switched it off, I guessed.
Closing the cupboards in the kitchen, I headed to the living room. Settling to sit on the couch, I threw my back against it, closed my eyes, and inhaled hard. Trying to get rid of my crazy thoughts, I tapped my feet against the floor. But, too bad for me, these thoughts were overwhelming. They weren’t leaving my head.
Particularly, it was the lips. James’ lips. How they had grabbed mine. How he had kissed me as if I was his; as if I didn’t have a boyfriend. It hurt so much.
“Ow!” I yelped and flinched when the knock on the door cut me off my thoughts.
Running my fingers into my hair, I sighed, standing up to open the door. Finally, Vicki had come home. I had thought she wouldn’t.
I opened the door gently. About scolding her for her annoying attitude, my lips lingered open when I saw Ryan behind the door. Once again, the guilt attacked me. It ran through my chest, making my heart leap to my throat.
He put his hands into the pocket of his hoodie sweater, twitching an eyebrow at me. “You don’t want me to come in?” He smiled. That smile pierced my chest.
I looked away. I felt embarrassed to look him in the eye. Without saying a word, I stepped backwards so he’d step in. And, as soon as he did, I shut the door. Hesitantly, I turned around to look at him. Gosh, this hurt.
We just stared at each other. I couldn’t do anything else. Would I have ever known that I would be this uncomfortable around him? This was so upsetting.
“Hi,” I broke the silence between us. I had to ensure that he wouldn’t get suspicious of anything.
He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Just a hi? Seriously? I mean, no kisses or something? Are you for real?”
“I’m sorry.” Tears were forming in my eyes. I didn’t think I would be able to keep my emotions to myself. Once again, I looked away. “I’m not in the mood for those. You should just state your reason for coming here.”
For some reason, he sniggered. Wait, why would he do that?
Noticing he was stepping close, I turned to him. Fear jerked into my chest when he grimaced at me.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” He gave me a small smile. A weak one.
My heart skipped beats. Had he… found out?
Uncontrollably, a tear escaped my eye. “I-I can explain this,” I said.
He sighed. “Why’d you hide it from me? It hurts, really.”
“It isn’t my fault.” I gulped down my tears.
He sighed. Gently, he took my hand. “See, Sherri’s almost lost her place in my heart. Believe me, her threatening messages are really useless. She can do nothing to separate us.”
I was silent. Threatening messages? Wait, what was he talking about?
“I-I don’t get you.” I squinted my eyes at him in confusion.
He pulled me towards the kitchen, pulling me to sit on one of the high stools beside the counter. He sat on the stool beside me, facing me as he squeezed my hands in his. He looked disturbed.
“Serene, what’s going on with you? You’ve changed so much. I-I just don’t understand you anymore,” he said.
Oh. What a relief. He didn’t know anything about the wedding. I had thought that that was what he had been talking about.
“Nothing’s wrong.” Still feeling uncomfortable, I pulled my hands from his. I scratched the back of my neck, feeling quite embarrassed. “I’ve been busy. Nothing else.”
He looked down at my hands, looked up at me, then looked down again. “Busy?” He gazed at me intently. His eyebrows furrowed at me, something quite weird about him. “That’s just it? You’ve been ignoring my calls. You haven’t been replying to my texts. I feel like you’re avoiding me.”
Again, the tears built up in my eyes. Not wanting to cry, I stood up from the stool, swiftly walking into the kitchen.
“Ryan, you shouldn’t always think this way.” I walked to the sink, grabbing a foam so I’d clean it up. It was neat already, but I just had to do something, in order to avoid him. “I’m sorry if my attitude upsets you. I’ve just been too busy. Nothing else.”
“This is crazy.” He hurried over to me. He scoffed, and stood beside me. “I know something’s wrong. Fine, Sherri’s probably been threatening you with her dumb messages. But, this isn’t the first time she’ll do that. Is there something you’re hiding from me? Are you—”
“I said I’m fine!” I cut him off, snapping my neck towards him. “Stop repeating it. It’s annoying.”
He squeezed his face. “Then, what’s with the tears in your eyes? What’s with this sadness?”
I spun around, striding back to the counter. I grabbed a napkin. About cleaning the counter, he gripped my arm, twirled me around, pulled me close to him, and pinned my back to the counter.
“Leave my arm,” I commanded.
He shook his head, glaring so much. He was glaring, yet I could sense how pained and sad he was. He wasn’t angry. “What’s the meaning of this? Huh? Since when did you become uncomfortable around me? Since when did you start avoiding me?”
“See, I’m not in the mood for this. Try to—”
“Understand you?” He cut me off. “For how long, Serene? Am I not trying my best? These days, you’ve been so erratic. Amidst my busy schedule, I find time to call or text you. I never want you to feel any sort of loneliness. But, you just make me feel useless.”
I was silent. I just kept staring at him, and kept holding back my tears. I wished I could make him understand that he wasn’t the problem. I wished I could tell him that he was trying his best. I wished I could let him know that he was just perfect for me.
“Things are hard for us, but you’re making it harder by being this way. What’s wrong? Why are you doing this to me? Do you wanna see me get hurt on purpose? Are you—”
“That’s enough.” I pulled my palm over his mouth, shaking my head at him. I couldn’t continue to see him blame himself for something that wasn’t even his fault. “It’s okay. I-I’m so sorry. I’ve been silly, I’ll admit. Please, let’s just forget about it. This argument isn’t worth it. I’m really sorry.”
Slowly, he pulled my hand off his mouth, the weariness on his facial feature aggravating. “Stop doing it. It hurts.”
“I will,” I assured him. “I promise.”
Silence followed. And, finally, a smile crept to his lips. Taking a hold of my waist, he yanked me closer. Though I felt very embarrassed, I feigned a smile. He leaned close, pecked the corner of my lips, then finally smacked his lips against mine.
I pulled my hands around his neck, while he held my waist.
I kissed him. My heart wanted him, but my mind was completely rejecting him. After all, in less than forty eight hours, I would be someone else’s wife.
He clinged my back to the counter. Letting out a moan, he tugged my lips even more. His hands crawled down to my hips, a strange feeling rapidly swimming in my chest. As if I would run away, he locked the tiniest space between us. The moment his hands rambled to my lap, they jerked them, and lifted me up so I’d sit on the counter.
Our kiss was getting intense. We were attacking each other’s lips as if we were fighting a war. A deadly one.
All of a sudden, James’ image attacked my mind. I snapped my lips from Ryan’s, breathed hard, and looked away.
He pulled my chin so I’d look at him. “What’s the problem?” he asked.
I gulped. “Nothing. It’s nothing. I just… don’t wanna—”
“Though I think you’ve been avoiding me, though I feel like you’re uncomfortable around me, I’ll ignore those,” he stated.
My heart pounded against my chest. I just kept staring at him. “I’m sorry. In the meantime, I don’t want us to get close. Please.”
“Fine.” He stepped backwards. He glanced at his wristwatch, placing his hands in his pocket. “See you later. Was planning to have some fun with you tonight, but since you still aren’t in a good mood, I’ll leave now.”
“Take care,” I said.
The small smile returned to his lips. “You too. See you later, okay? Good night.”
“Night.”
As he walked towards the door, my eyes didn’t stay off him. We both flinched when we saw Vicki standing beside the door. He greeted her by waving, just walked out, and shut the door behind him.
I stared blankly at Vicki, and she did the same.
She scoffed. “What a gamer.”
With that, she walked to the stairs, and left.
Determined to not cry, I stepped down from the counter, heading to my room so I’d go to bed. My tears could actually change nothing.
Tonight, after seeing Ryan, I realized that my betrayal may eventually change him into a bad person. He trusted me so much. He loved me so much. Would he understand this in the end?
Well, sometimes, sacrifices had to be made in order to save some lives. Surely, this would pass. We would all move on, we would all be fine. Someday.
***