Roman sipped his drink and looked around the club. There were a few couples just holding each other and swaying rather than dancing. By the looks on their faces, he doubted they even knew what song was playing, they were lost in each other.
It made his chest ache.
He turned back to his drink and the woman beside him. At least the music was low enough to allow a conversation.
If he could open his fucking mouth.
“How have you been?” he asked.
“You could have asked me that when I came to your apartment earlier,” Evelyn snorted.
“I know. But I think you’ve already figured out that I’m no good at these things.”
He was still messing up now because he was supposed to be staying away from her.
Evelyn didn’t respond. For the first time since he’d met her, he had no idea what she was thinking. She was cold towards him, rightfully so.
When he finished his drink without another word from Evelyn, he contemplated calling Phillip to pick him up. This wouldn’t achieve anything other than messing him up again and he wasn’t sure he could get himself back up this time around.
But he found himself ordering them both another drink.
“Why did you do it, Roman?”
What to say there? Tell her how she’d felled him when she’d taken her light away? Tell her he would have done anything to have her back? She had been so quick to walk away from him that he didn’t think she would believe him.
“Because I wanted you, Evelyn.”
He still did. So much it hurt just sitting there.
Evelyn looked at him and he looked down into his drink instead. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes.
“And I didn’t know how to make you come back to me,” he admitted.
“You could have just spoken to me like a normal human being.”
“The last time we spoke you trembled every time I came near you like you believed I would hurt you. You didn’t want me anywhere near you and you said you were done with me.”
It still hurt to remember that weekend.
He twirled the drink in his glass as he trudged up the memories he had tried to bury.
“I thought if you came back and we got to talk… It doesn’t matter now. I knew I messed up the first time, and I still did it again. I can’t ever make up for that.”
Then why was he still here? Why was it so hard to just let her go?
“You turned my life upside down. I thought… I guess it was my fault, too, for letting things go that far when I knew there was no future for us,” Evelyn said.
Those words hurt to hear. No future for them. He’d broken her trust too many times.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to break your trust,” he sighed. “I won’t make any excuses for that, I deserve everything I’ve got.”
“Why are you here, Roman?”
Because she was in his blood. Because he would always be pulled towards her no matter how much he told himself to stay away. That much was clear. It was probably better that he was leaving the country to keep away from this temptation.
He finally looked at her and saw the uncertainty in her eyes.
“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “I saw you sitting here, I should have gone somewhere else. But I can’t help myself around you, Evelyn.”
“You should have walked away. I can’t get on this rollercoaster again. I can’t keep second-guessing myself and questioning every decision I make.”
“I won’t ask you to,” he said thickly.
He cleared his throat and finished his second drink.
This would be the best time to go. They’d talked. Cleared the air a little. They could now cut ties for good and get on with their lives. But he still sat there, holding onto his empty glass. Because he realised that after he walked out now, that would be the end of everything. There could be nothing else.
Evelyn would go back to university and forget about him. She would meet someone, get married and have kids. Maybe the pain would heal for him, too, eventually. Maybe life would return to normal.
But there were still too many unsaid things. And if he never said them, he would have regrets for the rest of his life.
“Would you like to dance?”
Evelyn’s brows shot up at his sudden question.
“We’ve just talked about this. We can’t_”
“I know. But this is me. No games. And I’m asking a beautiful girl I met in the club to take pity on me and dance with me.”
What was he doing? His heart was pounding as he put it on the line again without any thought.
A dance wouldn’t be just a dance, and Evelyn knew that.
But Phillip had brought him here for this reason. His advice made more sense now. Could it be what he needed to do?
To lay himself bare and make himself vulnerable?
“One dance,” he whispered.
Evelyn held his gaze for a while, in that uncertain moment he had several mild heart attacks, he was sure.
But she bit her luscious bottom lip and then gave him a small nod. And the hope he had been trying to stomp out filled his chest and became uncontrollable.
Did he have a chance? Or was Evelyn just saying goodbye?
He didn’t wait for her to change her mind as he stood up quickly, probably too eagerly, and removed his coat. When he helped her up, he linked their fingers as he led her to the dancefloor. The small contact electrified his whole body like he was still a boy dealing with raging hormones.
And when they reached the dancefloor and he finally turned to face her, he saw the look in her eyes as if she knew this was a bad idea but was also unable to help herself. But he was going to take this chance. One last time.
He put his hand on her waist and gently pulled her forward. Their bodies touched and Evelyn put her hands on his shoulders. Home. He was home.
Another piece of his heart repaired itself as he started swaying to the music the way the other couples were doing. The only music he could hear was the beating of his heart. Could Evelyn feel it pounding his chest?
One song turned into two. His arms tightened against her and he put his head against her hair.
He hadn’t wanted to be in this position again. Maybe he was heading for another crash. But he wanted no regrets. If she still walked away after he told her how he felt then he would have to accept that.
Two songs turned into three. Evelyn fit so perfectly against him because she had been carefully crafted just for him. The one who completed him. The one who brought the sunshine. The one who held his heart in her hands.
It was only when someone tapped his shoulder that he realised the music had stopped playing, all the lights were on and the other couples had already left.
Evelyn seemed as surprised as he was. When he got their coats and led her out of the club, she was so quiet he wondered if this would scare her again before he could talk to her properly. Phillip was already waiting outside, and when he saw them, he got out of the car to open the door. He had a smile on his face as if he was proud to have played Cupid.
He wished he had Phillip’s confidence. This wasn’t a done deal and could go either way.
The ride to where she was staying was made in silence. For some reason he’d thought she would be staying with Brendan so he was surprised when Phillip parked at a B&B.
He got out to walk her to the door while he racked his brain trying to find a way to ask her to meet up with him again.
“What are you doing for Christmas?” Evelyn asked suddenly.
“Um. Nothing,” he lied.
“I haven’t been able to tell my parents the truth. They still think… Do you want to come for Christmas dinner?”
And that was all he needed. His chance.
“I’d be honoured.”