“Ellie, my brother committed suicide.”
“W-what?!”
Kaela didn’t say anything. All I can hear was her nonstop crying.
I hang up the phone and went straight to the hospital. I called Luna and asked her to go to the hospital to take care of the kids.
When we reached the hospital Luna was already there.
“I heard what happen. How is he?” She said upon seeing me.
“I don’t know yet. I need to talk to Kaela first. Can you get the kids and take care of them?” I asked.
Luna nodded. “Don’t worry. Just leave the kids to me and go to Ulysses. He needs you. And please find it in your heart to forgive him.”
I just showed her a forced smile and nodded at her. “Thank you.”
Then I went straight to the information booth and ask for Ulie’s room.
When I reached the VIP room, I saw Kaela and Quen outside the room. Kaela was crying hard while Quen was comforting her.
I walk in their direction. Kaela saw me, she runs towards me and hugs me tightly.
I tap her back to console her. “How is he?” I asked.
She broke from the hug and wipe her tears. “He is stable now as per the doctor.”
Kaela grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Please Ellie, help us. We don’t know what to do anymore. I know it’s hard for you because you lost your family, but please help us with my brother. I don’t want to lose him. I can kneel if that’s what you want.”
My tears fell. “You don’t need to kneel at me. It was an accident. And I should be the one apologizing to Ulie and your family because I blame him and call him names he doesn’t deserve. I was about to go and reconcile with him, but I was too late.”
Kaela shakes her head. “You are not late. My brother is stable now. You can still reconcile with him. Thank you, Ellie, for giving him a chance. He loves you so much that he wanted to take his life to give you justice.”
“But that is not the justice that I want,” I told Kaela.
She nodded. “I know.”
When Kaela and I settled, I took a deep breath before I decided to go inside Ulie’s room. I saw his parents crying beside him.
I swallowed hard. I feel nervous, I am not sure if they will still accept me for their son. I was the one who causes him pain.
“Auntie, uncle,” I called them.
They both look in my direction. Auntie Adelia went to me and hug.
“Thank you for coming Ellie. My son needs you right now. You are the only person who can convince him to stop doing this to himself. We are all afraid that if he woke up, he might take his life again.” Auntie Adelia said while sobbing.
“I’m sorry Auntie, I was the one who pushes Ulie to do this. If I did not hate him that much” I was not able to finish what I’m about to say because Auntie cut me off already.
“We understand your anger. You lost your parents at an early age. You suffer for many years. But we always believe that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive my son and will give you love a chance.” Auntie Adelia said.
I smiled at Auntie Adelia. I can’t believe that I am hearing this after what happened to Ulie. I look at Uncle Laertes to see his reaction. He just smiles and nodded at me.
I was left alone with Ulie. He was sleeping peacefully. I look down and saw her wrist covered with bandages.
I touch his hair and caress it. I remember the things that my parents told me about Ulie’s inner struggle.
“Baby, listen to us. Stop blaming Ulie for the accident. He never wanted it to happen. He suffered enough. You need to help him to let go of the guilt that he was carrying for years.” This was the exact word that my mother told me about Ulie’s inner pain.
My mom also told me that his mind couldn’t take the pain that he is feeling at that time, the reason why his mind shut his memories about me and the accident.
I may have suffered from my parent’s death, but Ulie suffered also. The guilt did not leave him even if he lost his memory of the accident.
He was always anxious whenever we reach any stoplight. I finally know the reason why he was always like that.
“I’m sorry Ulie for bringing you more pain. I’m sorry for doubling your guilt. I will make it up to you once you wake up. I promise.” I whispered to him then I kiss his forehead.
When I was about to move away from his face, I saw Ulie’s eyes open. I startled. I didn’t know what to say to him.
“Ellie?” Ulie said then he looks at his surrounding.
“I failed? I didn’t die?” He said to himself.
A moment later, Ulie started to sob. He looks at me.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I failed.” He keeps on saying those words.
“What are you saying?” I said.
He looks at me, full of tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry because I failed to die. I’m sorry for being alive.”
I didn’t like what heard from him. I couldn’t help myself, I slap him a bit hard.
“Are you serious with what you are saying to me now?! How dare you kill yourself!” I shouted at him.
I can’t stop myself from being mad at him “Did you ever think about the kids when you did this?!”
Ulie lowered his head. “It was the only solution that I could think of. If I will die, then you will have sole custody of the kids without them hating you.”
I can’t believe what I am hearing from him. Did I push him this much?
“If you are that guilty, then MARRY ME!”
Ulie still looks so down. I guess he did not absorb yet my proposal.
“Of course, I should do that- wait! W-what?” Ulie said when he finally realize what I just said.
I look at him with coldness in my eyes. “I said if you are that guilty, then marry me.”
“W-why? I thought you hate me.”
I sighed and touch his face. “I did. You know how much my parents mean to me right?”
Ulie nodded.
I smile at him. “When I learned about the accident, the only thing that came to my mind was to blame you. For so many years, I’ve been looking for something to blame for my parent’s death. I was not able to mourn properly before.”
“And now that I found someone to blame, then I finally allow myself to mourn for them. I blame everything on you and even called you a murderer. I’m sorry Ulie. I’m sorry because I doubled the guilt that you are carrying for years. I now realize that what I did to you is wrong.” I told him while my tears keep on flowing.
Ulie holds my hand that touching his face and caress it. “Your feelings are valid. I am at fault. I was the one who caused the accident. I was the reason why you lost your parents. I was the one who caused you so much pain. I was the murderer.”
My heart is breaking with every word I heard from him. I shook my head.
“You are not a murderer. It was an accident. And you never want that to happen.” I told him.
“But I was the one who caused the accident.” Ulie keeps on insisting on himself.
I glared at him. “I said stop blaming yourself. It was not your fault. It was meant to happen because my parent’s time is already up.”
I finally said. For many years I can’t accept the fact that they leave this world this early. But now I finally accept it. I finally let go of them.
I looked at Ulie again who was still absorbing everything that I told him.
“I dreamed of my parents last night,” I said.
Just like what my parents told me, I should tell Ulie about the things that they told me.
Ulie didn’t utter any word. He just looks at me and waited for me to continue.
“We were in our old mansion. We had our barbeque in the garden just like the old times.” I can’t help but smile when I remember that dream.
“They are the ones who made me realize that what happened is an accident and I should not blame you for that.”
I held his hand and gently squeeze it. “My parents knew your inner pain and suffering. And they are worried about you.”
“They did not hate me?” Ulie asked a bit surprised.
I smile and shake my head. “No. In fact, they are very worried about you. They want you to know that they never blamed you for what happened. They knew that it was already their time.”
“Tell him that we never blame him for what happened. And we thank him for loving you since then until now. Even though he lost his memories of you, he was still able to find you and be with you.- This was the exact word of my mom for you.” I told him.
Ulie’s tears fell. He cried so hard.
I went to him and console him. “Thank you, Auntie, Uncle. Thank you.”
I look at his face and touch it. “Stop blaming yourself. Let go of the guilt now and marry me.”