I wake up the next day with dark circles under my eyes, like shadows in the night: stalking and judging me. I am awake as if on the eve of a funeral. I see myself in front of the mirror. Early in the morning, Donatella brought up a suitcase with clothes my mother sent me. Just the right thing, since I brought nothing but my body and the commitment to be with Darío for the rest of my days on this earth.
The reflection looking back at me seems even sadder than I feel.
It is the true face I wear.
Is it normal to feel caged, a prisoner of my own body and soul? What a fool I was last night to approach Darío! What was I thinking when I begged for a kiss from his lips?
I shake my head, annoyed by my distress. I am not the one who will stay locked in this room forever.
Among the things my mother has packed for me, a note stands out that I am only now becoming aware of its existence. I take the envelope in my hands and recognize Tere’s handwriting immediately. I hastily open the paper, eager to know about my sister.
I don’t understand why she hasn’t written to my cell phone.
The cell phone!
I was so engrossed in the wedding that I completely forgot my cell phone at my parents’ house.
I start reading. Teresa has always been the outspoken and dreamy one, the one with a relentless desire to enjoy life and the one who never lets the drama go. It is as if she is constantly haunted by a novel story; full of secrets and adventures. At twenty years old, she has lived more than I have!
I can’t help but blush when I think of Darío and our magical night under the starry sky, with the gaze of the moon above us. It was our confidant, the only witness I have of that night.
Dear Tatiana:
How are you?
I know you think that it is idiotic to write you a letter, something so pathetic and unusual in this century. I know, I know you. I know that’s what you thought when you saw this letter. However, you have left your cell phone, and, by the way, you know that I love to write.
I know I am a hopeless romantic. I will forever believe that I was born in the wrong era. I would have loved to dress up in those elegant dresses with tulle and silk, with those huge hats full of brightly colored flowers… And the crewmen who would fuck me!
Oh, Tati, how I miss you!
I raise my eyes to heaven as I perfectly recognize my younger sister’s way of thinking. Those twenty years are so strange and complex. She is a walking bundle of crazy ideas.
I continue reading and settle into bed with the satin sheet over me. I didn’t know it could be so soft and pleasant to sleep even when my mind was not in the mood for rest. I know I would enjoy this place at another time.
Another time, another circumstance… and another partner.
Tati, I must tell you something, and I’m afraid our father will know.
I’ve done something stupid.
Oh, Tati, how I wish you were here with me!
I am getting married. I’m getting married in a month. I know, you can’t believe it. I can almost swear you’ve glued your eyes to the sky and cursed life and me. I’m not playing games. I’m getting married in a month. He’s a beautiful man and full of life. He’s the one I love. He’s the one I fell in love with. You don’t know him. He’s not from here. You’re close to home, but you’re not here, and I don’t think you’re coming back. You’re a married woman now, a lady, a madam.
Soon I will be too.
The only thing is that I must leave Canale di Tenno. I must go with him. My fiancé has permanent trips that force him to be constantly on the move. He’s not a drug dealer or anything like that. I’m not some crazy hothead either. And yes, he has a huge dick.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
There’s that crazy face you know how to give me.
I get out of bed at full speed, the letter still in my hands. My trembling fingers don’t know whether to drop it or hold on to it like an anchor to a ship. I search like a madwoman for my cell phone inside the suitcase. I throw my clothes on the floor, my perfumes on the mattress, and my sandals follow the same path as the clothes.
I begin to despair.
I don’t see my cell phone, and I have no way to communicate with Teresa before she makes the biggest mistake of her life. Marrying at twenty? Who wants to get married at that age?!
My sister has always been impulsive, but not like this, never like this.
“Damn it! Damn it! I’ll be damned! Fuckin’…!”
“Wow, I didn’t know my wife came with such delicious language included.” I’m interrupted by a sleek, well-groomed Darío, who looks at me with raised eyebrows from the doorway and hands stuffed in his pants pockets. Yet, he is relaxed and confident.
How long has he been there? How much has he seen?
I was so engrossed as I searched through my suitcase for my cell phone, read Tere’s letter, and cursed life that I didn’t notice the intrusion.
“Again, without knocking? I think I should start putting the latch on right away.”
“Good morning to you too.”
“Good morning, Darío.” I look at the clothes, then at everything lying on the floor and the bed.
I watch my husband, who doesn’t smile or blink.
The letter is still in my hands, and I watch as Darío turns his attention to the white paper. I place it behind my back. It is something private, something mine. It’s my sister writing to me, and it doesn’t concern him in any way.
“What do you have there? Who wrote that to you?”
“None of your business,” I grumble. “I’m kind of busy. Do you need anything from me?”
He reaches over and evades a heel standing in the middle of the room. Instead of feeling embarrassed by the colossal mess I’ve created, I feel invaded and annoyed by his presence.
Is he coming to show me that I want to be his wife in every sense of the word? Is he perhaps coming to mock me for wanting him to kiss me?
“I wanted to have breakfast with you before taking a little trip out of the country, but now I have… an extreme desire to know what you are hiding, Tatiana.”
I take a step back as I sense his intentions.
“It’s something of mine. Private. I don’t have to tell you.”
“Are you seeing someone? Do you have someone else?” He stops in front of me.
He scrutinizes me with his gray eyes full of questions and… A new gleam I hadn’t seen in him.
His words offend me, but they make my stomach and chest tingle. It is something new. I don’t know why his reaction gives me that feeling.
“I am not, nor will I be unfaithful to you, if that’s what you mean,” I clarify, annoyed, and put my hands on my hips to let him know how uncomfortable his comment has made me.
“Then let me see what it says.”
“No.”
“Tatiana…”
“No, Darío. You don’t have to see it; you just have to trust me. Trust that I’m not going to cheat on you. That’s what relationships are all about. You can’t start this marriage thinking that I’ve already cheated on you since our first day as husband and wife.”
“You didn’t sleep in my bed last night! Don’t talk to me about marriage! How do you think I looked when you left on our wedding night? Like an idiot!” he yells at me, annoyed and offended. “You didn’t even bother to have dinner, and thank Donatella for preparing your favorite meal!”
I tie up ends. I found it odd that she was cooking something like that in the evening and a huge coincidence that it was my favorite meal. Most of the time, women are happy to eat shrimp and lobster, expensive and elaborate dishes, with good and expensive wines. I, Tatiana Mattew, with a good bowl of veal soup or beef stew, was more than happy.
“I didn’t know she did that because of me.”
“For you, which is totally different. She did it for you, and you left. You can’t blame me for my brother’s words. I’m nothing like him.”
“You offended me with your attitude on the balcony.”
Darío watches me, languid. He lowers his gaze. Seconds later, as if by magic, he pulls himself together and looks at me again with plowed eyes. This man is hiding something. There’s something he’s not telling me and that my sixth sense, still of little use, is shouting at me with banners.
“Whose letter is it?”
I think of my mother telling me, growing up, that sincerity opens doors and breaks down barriers.
“It’s from my sister Teresa. I left my cell phone at my parents’ house, and she’s always been… weird,” I explain and walk over.
“Weird?” he questions without understanding and without stopping looking at me with a frown.
“Who writes letters in the twenty-first century? In the middle of the digital age? Only Teresa is capable of taking twenty minutes out of her time to write a letter to someone.”
“She’s your sister. You should value the time she spends writing for you.”
Looking at it this way, he’s right. Sometimes we get used to actions, and they lose value in our eyes. However, those actions are worth even when we stop paying attention to them.
“She will get married.”
“Isn’t she younger than you?”
“I need to call her and find out what’s going on. She’s impulsive, always has been, but it’s just that this…” I lift the letter between my fingers and shake it, “it’s too much.”
“Who will she marry? Unfortunately, in Canale, there’s not much to choose from.”
I find it even silly and laughable that he, precisely, he should talk about marriage and such wretched subjects when he paid off my father’s debt, married me, and arranged our marriage as if we were in colonial times.
I smile at the thought.
“It doesn’t say with whom. At least I didn’t read it. I didn’t have time to read it because I was reaching for my cell phone to call her.” I open my arms and try to show her the reason for the mess.
“Finish reading the letter. Maybe it’s all a joke.”
“It’s not a joke. I know Teresa.”
“Read it. If when you finish, you need to call her, use my cell phone, or I’ll take you down to town myself before I leave.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to delay your trip.” I sit back down on the bed and lay the paper on the mattress.
I know I look like shit. Still, Darío doesn’t look at me with disgust. He doesn’t judge me. That’s not what his eyes convey to me.
“You’re my wife. It’s my duty to help you and support you in any way I can. My trip may be delayed a few minutes if I have to take you.”
I nod, agreeing. I don’t say anything out loud for fear he will notice how his words have affected me.
He is so cold and so sweet at the same time. What kind of person is this man?
I shake my head to keep from ranting and get ready to read. Slowly, my eyes widen like saucers as I realize the gravity of the situation. Finally, I stand upright, and the paper falls from my hands. I walk towards Darío, unable to believe what my sister has written.
“Take me to my sister.” My pupils connect with him. “Take me to her before it’s too late.”
“What’s wrong? You’re pale. What’s wrong with your sister? Who is she marrying?”
Sensing that’s what this is about, Darío looks at me expectantly.
“With your twin, Dawson.”