After my memory was altered, Sophia became cold and very mean towards me, but not all the time. The way she could switch from cold to warm towards me sometimes was surprising and I knew something was wrong.
She started acting out but everytime I was there to save her and take the blame, because I did a research about her symptoms and it all pointed to BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). So the more she pushed the away, the harder I pressed on.
“… I didn’t mean to make you hate me so much so you think I destroyed your life. But give me a chance to make things better, we… can make things better.” I added.
“I don’t want things to get better, I need it to end! Even now you’re trying to help me like you give a fu’k…” She answered angrily with gritted teeth, “… I loved you Livy. I followed you everywhere all day because you swore to protect me no matter what, but you didn’t. You left me alone in that dark basement where mom left me.”
“You lied about Soul when you know I would never hurt her.” I interrupted in my defense.
“Still, you turned on me the minute you had the chance and left me all alone in that dark place.”
“The basement wasn’t dark! It wasn’t even a basement Sophia, it was the music and art room with lots of light. What you thought was scary wasn’t, your fear was all in your mind!” I yelled out in frustration as my efforts to make her understand that she’s sick was becoming futile.
“It wasn’t all in my head, because I started hurting from that fu’king day. I wanted to hate you so much so I wouldn’t feel anything even if you disappear, but I couldn’t do a good job at hating you either. Unfortunately for me you’re always better at everything including loving me than I was at trying to hate you.” She blurted out as she weeped the tears streaming down her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“What do you mean?” I asked confused.
But she ignored me and walked away behind me as she started to pulling something towards me. It sounded like she was dragging a heavy object on the cemented floor.
Only when she pulled it beside me did I realize what it was, or who it was.
“Mom? Mom!” I called out panicking.
What has Sophia done to our mother?
“Sophia, what did you done to her? Why isn’t she waking up?” I asked hastily.
“She’s fine. I drugged her but she’ll be up any minute now.” She replied causally.
“Why are you doing these to us, to our family?” I asked tiredly and frustrated.
The throbbing pain in my head was starting to intensify, but freeing myself seems like an impossible task.
“Exactly. Because we are family, we have to stay together and love each other right? But I never had a family you see, your love took it all away…” she said sternly shocking me, “… Your love is a curse, it turns everything in it’s path to ashes. Dad, me, even Markian and those unfortunate things inside you.” She answered heartlessly.
“And you’ll end the lives of my unborn kids because of your hatred for me?” I asked her as I stared straight into her eyes.
If I thought she had any humanity left, I was proven wrong.
“I don’t hate you, I tried for years but I failed every single time. I got you kidnapped back then and somehow you survived, returning home broken but I was even more broken than you were. I thought if you hated me then everything would be ok, that there’ll finally be a good reason for me not to beat myself up for nothing, but you didn’t hate me. Instead you choose to forget everything, leaving me alone to bear the guilt and insecurities. I felt suffocated by your love because it wasn’t right that you’d love me still after everything I’ve done to you. My obsession to make you hate me, to win against you even in that bit became the bedrock of my actions. But no matter how hard I tried, I was never able to even come close to beating you. I started acting out so I could get mom’s attention as well as her scolding. I needed to be punished somehow, but you took that away too. I was screaming in silence telling you that your love for me was killing me, but you never heard me. You’d rather sacrifice your life for me than tell me that you’re disappointed in me. But today is your lucky day since it’s also going to be you last. You’ll not get a chance like these again…” She said driving me deeper into confusion.
She then walked over to our unconscious mother and tapped her awake on the cheek.
“… Rise and shine mom, your ideal daughter has a couple of hurtful words to say to you before she goes.” Sophia told mom before she took a step back to sit back down on her chair and stared at me.
“What’s… going on here?… Sophia, what is the meaning of these?” Mom asked.
But Sophia just smiled and signalled with her head for me to ‘go on’.
“Mom I’m so sorry, but we’ve been kidnapped by Sophia.” I explained carefully.
But Sophia still stared at me as she asked, “is that all?…” and I nodded in agreement.
“… c’mon Livy, the only reason you ever turned on me was because you didn’t want to fall out of mom’s favor. Tell her that if she hadn’t made us strive for her love and care, we both wouldn’t have ended up here… Tell our mother that she destroyed our lives the minute she decided she’d continue grooming you to take over Verc after dad’s death. Go on, tell her that…” Sophia urged me upset, but I shook my head in protest.
“… tell her!” She yelled at me.
“No! That’s how you feel Sophy, not me and I understand why you’d feel that way. But just listen to me, ok? You need help and I swear to you that I’ll get you that help if you let us all go for now, before Markian gets here. Please, let’s put all these behind us and start afresh. Just you, mom and i.” I begged earnestly.
“Yes honey, you have to let us help you.” Mom added softly.
“I don’t need your help!” She yelled in protest.
Anger is starting to control her again so I knew we had to be careful of what we say next.
“But you’re not well. You’re mentally imbalanced at the moment, you need help.” Mom blurted out to my dismay.
Damnit mom, I cussed in my head.
“Shut the fu’k up or I swear I’ll…”
“Kill me? Is that what you want to say?”
“Mom! Please stop…” I pleaded with our mom whose making matters worse.
She kept quiet before I turned my eyes to Sophia who seems to be possessed with fury at the moment.
“… What is it you truly want? Is killing me going to end you pain and self-torture? Because I don’t know what else I can do to help make you feel better.” I inquired patiently, only for her to burst into laugher.