Livy
A month Ago
I stared outside the window to the busy city as I sat in the doctor’s office of my shrink.
She went on and on about expressing myself and letting my true feelings show. Well, my feeling is the same as it has always been since I recovered all my memories.
I love Sophia, I still do despite everything I remember. And even if she’s a danger to me and my pregnancy, I still want to protect her. It’s madness I know.
With the return of my memory everyone would expect me to hate her, but my earnest quest to save her from herself have only increased. Maybe mom was right, I would have been better off without these memories.
Markian is also hurting and I honestly don’t know how to make him feel better without forsaking my sister. It pains me to see him worrying about me each time I slowly recover from one of my episodes, so I started taking things to help make him feel better.
I still can’t give up on Sophia, not now.
“Mrs Winfrey, can you tell me how you feel about your past experiences with your twin sister?” Dr. Gina Decker asked for the 100th time.
It’s as though nobody believes I can still love someone who wants me dead.
“I’m scared… I’m scared that my need to protect my sister might cause me my life. But I’m also scared of losing her again.” I replied without looking at her.
My eyes were still fixed outside the window. I love watching people, it calms me
“And why is that? Why do you think you can’t choose between protecting yourself and saving your sister?” She asked again.
Because it’s not her fault? Maybe I’m crazy about Sophia, but I really can’t bring myself to blame her for anything.
“Because we are like 2 sides of the same coin. When tossed, it’s either me or her, it can’t be both…” I repeated Sophia’s words once. “… If I’m happy, my sister is miserable. And whenever she’s happy, well I’m always comfortable with her being happy. I’ve tried to stop that cycle, so we both can be happy at the same time but it keeps repeating itself. She is my younger sister and I’m bound by a promise to protect her no matter what.” I replied, finally dragging my eyes to look at her.
Markian would hate me if he heard me say all these things. It always messes with his mood and I hate seeing him so upset with me.
“Or maybe it’s your guilt on display. At the influence of strong emotions like guilt, our mind usually arrives at the conclusion that our happiness is obsolete as compared to the emotions of the person we feel we’ve wronged. But that isn’t a healthy way to reason. You blame yourself for what happened between you and your sister when you were both babies, but it’s not your fault what happened back then.” She countered.
What would she know? She knows nothing of how it feels like knowing that I could have been the reason my very own twin sister would have died.
“You’re probably right. But that aside I have a responsibility to protect her no matter what.” I replied plainly.
I’ve been avoiding her long talks for weeks now by agreeing to everything she says.
“Shouldn’t your main priority be to protect your unborn babies?” She asked.
Yeah, my pregnancy. Somehow I’ve unconsciously successfully wrapped it up and lost it somewhere in the shambles of mess my mind has become.
Why can’t I think of anything or anyone except Sophia?
“Each time I try to make my pregnancy or my husband as my top priority, the feeling of that guilt you talked about come to bed with me. Being selfish isn’t a trait I possess even though sometimes I wish I did. I don’t know how to control this obsession of mine, I can’t seem to move past it no matter how much I try.” I replied in all honesty.
“Sometimes, our mind creates an image of the perfect relationship which helps us strived towards that goal even though it could be dangerous. But most times, when we finally see the real picture, we’re often shaken to the realization that what had seemed so perfect in our mind, wasn’t.” She advised.
“Do you mean like having a some kind of closure?”
Present Day
I felt a striking pain on my face that jolted me back to consciousness.
As I slowly opened my eyes, my nostrils tingled as i inhaled the dry-cold breeze mixed with rusted metals and dust.
“Good, you’re awake… shall we get started?” Sophia’s voice cooed from behind me.
Aside from the sting I felt on my face, my head was throbbing immensely I felt like keeping my eyes shut awhile longer.
I couldn’t move because I’m tied up to a chair. I blinked my eyes to make my vision clearer as I looked around to see if we both are alone in- wherever the hell this is.
She walked from behind me to sit on a chair few feet in front of me and crosses her legs, staring at me as she crooked her head to the side.
Then I began to remember how I got here. I was all dressed up this evening for Heather’s party and was only waiting up for mom who seemed to have been held up at the office.
It’s been a while since I interracted with people I cared about except Markian, mom and Dr. Decker. I soon received a call from mom, but when I had answered, it was Sophy’s voice I heard.
“I have mom…” she said, “… but it’s you I really want.” She added.
Of course it’s hard for her to get to me with all the security that kept watch over me all day and night on Markian’s orders. But she still found a way to get to me by using our mother.
“Where are you?” I asked intensely.
“Come alone to Schmidt’s highway bridge if you don’t want me to hurt her. Breathe a word of these to anyone and I’ll end both my life and mom’s too.” she threatened before ending the call.
The Schmidt’s highway bridge is an hour drive from the Luthel mansion. I have to get there in less than an hour before Sophia does something she’ll regret, I thought.
Ditching my security wasn’t easy at all, but I did and left the Luthel mansion before anyone could notice. I had arrive at the bridge she told me about and got out of the car to look around, when I felt something hard knocked me unconscious.
“I’m sure you’re done recalling how you ended up here?” She asked still staring at me.
“You didn’t have to hit me, I arrived as you requested.” I stated oddly.
“I wasn’t sure you’d cooperate. I’m even surprise you came. You sure are fearless, aren’t you?” She replied causiously.
“I’m here now. I did as you asked, no one knows I’m here. So where is mom?” I asked concerned.
“Relax, mom is fine. But why are you here alone? You’ve been unconscious for 40mins now and nobody has showed up for you. Are you really not scared of me? Do you think so little of me, that I’m incapable of harming you or are you just plain stupid?” She threw back looking at me suspiciously.
“Don’t think any of those Sophia, I’m not here to cause trouble either. You called me here, so I came to you…”
“But it’s a bit too late for that now, so drop your big sister- always ready to protect you act. You’ve never been around when I really needed you.” she countered interruptedly.
“Sophy, I’m…”
“Your husband called, he’s going out of his mind not knowing where you are. He probably would never find us, which is why I feel you should have one last talk with him before we leave.” She stated interrupting me again.