I remember how she would turn hostile towards me each time Barbra visits. Barbra was so fond of Sophia and would never let me come close whenever she’s with my sister.
I was on the slides for a while and lost track of my sister, thinking she was still playing on the seasaw. But when I looked over at the direction of the seasaw Sophia was on, I couldn’t find her anywhere.
I panicked as I searched for her on the playground but couldn’t find her. It wasn’t until I looked further across the fence, did I sight her following a strange man.
I ran to them and yanked her hand off the stranger’s hand, then pulled her to my side protectively.
“I want to have lollipop, Liv” she said to me angrily.
Mummy doesn’t let us have sweets, so I understood why she would crave for sweets. But to go with a stranger?
“I’ll tell Stella to give you some when we get home,” I replied in a hush voice, as the stranger stared at us.
The park was empty and lonely, I didn’t know why until much later.
“No! I want one now, with this uncle!” She yelled.
We aren’t allowed to talk to strangers let alone take things from them, so why is she acting this way now?
“Let’s go home then so Stella would give it to you. We are not allowed to take things from stranger, remember?” I asked carefully.
“I want to go with him and get a lollipop!” She answer irritatedly.
I don’t think I can stop her, she’ll do what she wants. So, I turned to the stranger and stared at him for a while. He was a lot taller than us, so as he hovered over us the sun casted a shadow on his face and I couldn’t see him clearly because he wore a dark hoodie.
“What is your name Sir?” I asked with the intent of being familiar with him.
“I’m ‘Ikon the candyman’.” He had answered cheerfully and nicely.
I didn’t think he was a candyman- he didn’t smell like one at least.
“May I see the lollipop you wish to give to my sister?” I asked seriously.
He gave out a dark laugh as he replied, “of course I don’t have any with me here, I’ve given it to all the other kids that were here before you. But I do have more in my van across the road where your sister and I were just heading to.”
I was skeptical but Sophia was tugging at my cloth impatiently. So, I stepped back to whisper in her ear.
“I’ll go get it for you but you have to go sit at the playground… If I’m not back before you go up and down the seasaw 20time, go call for help.” I whispered and she nodded in agreement.
So I went with Ikon the candyman, but he was no candyman- he was a bad man.
When I had opened my eyes, I was in a basement in the middle of nowhere. I was brutally tormented and punished if I let out a scream or cried. It would take like what seemed like an eternity of torture, and that’s when I would wake up from the nightmare.
I later found out- after I returned home, as I overhear the cops telling my mom that there was a kidnapper on the loose and that was why the park was empty that day.
For 4years, I was unable to dream past the torture as I’d always wake up trembling in agonizing fear and panic. Some nights I’d wake up still feeling the pains from the torture like my nightmare followed me into my reality.
Flashback ends…
“Please mama, make it stop hurting!” I screamed in my mother’s chest as she held me tight.
I wanted to forget, to be able to sleep in peace and for the longest time I did forget about those 2 horrible days.
Whenever I would get stressed- either from defending Sophia or taking her blames, the nightmare returns. But they would disappear again as soon as my mom takes me to Dr Joe.
It didn’t matter how much of my memory I lose, I was just glad I don’t resent Sophia and my nightmares gave me some space. I couldn’t recall how often the visits to Dr Joe became, I lost count.
But I remember everything now.
Every single time Sophia took advantage of my missing memories, I remember it all. I don’t know when her hatred for me started or what triggered it, but she would let her friends bully me when I finally started highschool.
I was blamed for all her misconducts and frivolous living, and godforbid I refuse her, she’ll emotionally blackmail me with a promise I made to always protect her no matter what.
She would purposely get me into trouble I would never committed on a normal day, so my mother thought I had dissociative identity disorder.
When I was taken for medical reevaluation I couldn’t tell them that I’ve just been acting that way so Sophia won’t get in trouble. So, I faked my symptoms and condition to appear like I really had DID.
My sister was still the same person who told the whole school of my condition and made me an outcast- a mental outcast. Soon I had no memory of that either, but I remember it all now.
Flashback (5months ago)
I never thought I would ever forget the day of Sophia’s accident and everything that led to that day, but I did.
A day before the accident, Sophia came home to visit us. After dinner, she came to my room and laid down beside me on my bed.
“I miss home…” she stated casually with a sigh and continued, “… I always felt the happiest here”.
That doesn’t sound right at all. Isn’t her happiest suppose to be when she’s with her husband?
“Markian’s home doesn’t make you happy?” I asked curiously.
What was I expecting to hear, really? No?
“Like you said, it’s Markian’s home not mine. All everyone does there is judge me all day long. But I’m free here, no one’s looking forward for me to make a mistake” she replied.
Maybe her in-laws are giving her a hard time- that’s understandable.
“And Markian? What does he have to say?” I questioned further.
“He thinks he loves me. Honestly, he loves someone else who he thinks is me…” she replied in hush voice then scoffs. “… our marriage have just been one long guilt trip.” She completed confusing me even more.
What does she mean ‘one long guilt trip’? And he loves another? But I see the way he looks at her, it’s not possible that he loves another.
“How do you know this?” I pressed on.
“Rose cheeks- sometimes he unconsciously calls me that. You and I know I don’t blush unless I apply makeup. Sigh… In the end, my dear sister would always win over me” she answered tiredly.
My sister would always win over me? What? I’ve never won over her- I’ve never tried to either, so where did that come from?
“How do you mean I would always win over you?” I asked concerned.
I never wanted her to feel such way- detached or alone. I know that feeling and it’s not nice.
“(Yawns)… You’ll get married soon to someone you love, and you’ll make sure your marriage works. I on the… on the other hand…(yawns)… can’t even afford to have and keep my husband’s heart.” She replied almost dozing off to sleep.
Not everything in our lives have to be a competition, Sophia. You’re my sister and I hate that you always treat me like a constant competition.
“Promise me Liv… even if I’m not around tomorrow, you’ll not touch what’s mine. (Yawns)… that way I can at least win against you… for once.” She stated as she fell asleep.
I remember it all now.
The promise I broke was getting married to Markian. I indeed touched what was hers even after I promised not to.
I remember it all now.