Seth’s POV
“You guys are up next.”
I look up once I heard what the music PD said.
In just a few days for our comeback, here we are in Macau, about to perform for a Music Show along with some fellow idols.
“Ahm, you call him. I’m scared of Seth right now. He’s been out of it for a week.”
I heard Grey said as he and Sky kept on arguing.
“Yah, of course, I’m scared too,” Sky responded and I had to resist the urge to call the two and tell them that everything is fine.
It has been a week since the episode with Zanaya and ever since that day, I haven’t had the chance to talk to her.
Or should I say, I don’t have the guts and the balls to do so, after all those things that I’ve said?
I didn’t mean for her to hear those words and regardless, I’d say I don’t fully regret saying those words because that is partly true. But I may have said those words in the wrong order that’s why she felt like I was choosing them over her.
I care about my brothers the same way that they care about me.
But I never would have meant that I don’t care about her. Of course, I do! She’s my wife after all and I wouldn’t have fight for her after all those bullshits that we’ve been through if my love for her isn’t real.
But I guess I said those words too harshly. However, I still hope Zanaya would listen.
And at this time, I am still confused with what I want to do with my life.
I can still remember Storm’s exact words after Zanaya left, “Are you letting her go as I did with Cali?”
The boys were taken aback. I almost forgot how they never knew about what happened to the two.
I wanted to run towards her and tell her not to worry. But the thought of having a child this early scared the hell out of me.
A baby that is so delicate, would I be able to cradle the precious baby in my arms?
Will I be able to give a good future or even set a good example for the child?
I’m so scared.
And I can say that this is a lot scarier than attending a major awarding body in America and standing in front of those famous celebrities.
This shit is so real.
I mean, just the thought of having a baby with the guys around, especially with Mono with us, it’s making me lose my shit really bad.
What if it cries? How will I be able to handle that?
But then just the thought of feeling the baby’s warmth through my arms excites me.
I will be a father. It is something that I can be proud of.
Zanaya, I know she will be a good mother for our child.
But why am I so scared? Is it normal to get scared like this?
She must be scared as well, stupid.
I feel like I’m turning back on my responsibility with Zanaya but I am fearing a lot of things, I’m afraid my heart would drop on the floor any minute.
I can’t even blame Grey and Sky for being scared of me. I started to be sensitive.
My mind was wandering off lately as I think about everything, Zanaya, our baby, SHADOW’s future and our fans.
Why do I feel like I am about to lose one of them?
Is it really bad that I’m having second thoughts about my decisions in life?
Of course, I don’t regret being with her. I love her and I know I can’t ever picture myself being with someone else in the future.
I guess I’m just really getting scared. I skipped the wedding jitters but now I have this. I feel such an asshole.
“Seth, are you okay?”
My head snapped back to my member’s direction when I heard Demo calling my attention.
That’s when I realized that they are all looking at me expectantly as they’re all standing near the door.
Oh, I almost forgot that we are about to perform.
“You know, nothing will happen if you spend your time thinking alone. You have to talk to her and you two figure it out together.” Mono muttered and a sigh escaped my lips.
It’s only us left inside the room as the makeup artist already went near the stage.
“You need to make a move Seth,” Raze added and I raised my eyebrow a little.
“I don’t know if you realized but your Zanaya is quite popular with the boys,” he added, a frown now visible on my face.
“Hey, we’re married.” My voice raised a little and even I was taken aback for a moment.
Just thinking about some other guy laying a hand on her makes me wanna explode.
“We know, but people don’t and at this rate, she might leave you for acting like a stupid asshole.”
I cringed at those words. This time, it was Storm and I can’t say that he is wrong.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“I hate to break it to you guys but we only have a minute left before our names will be called.” Grey Chimed in and I quickly stood from my seat and headed to the stage along with the boys.
Soon enough, the loud cheering of our fans blew us away.
This feeling, I am still amused by how a lot of people support us and all I can say is that I am so thankful.
“Are you guys ready?” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
And then the music started, our song “Fire” coming in.
Like every other performance, I give my all.
Everything is the same, the choreography, the loud cheering, the boys dancing and singing with me. Everything…
Until my eyes caught the attention of that cute little girl just in front of the stage.
She was smiling and dancing innocently as our music continuously plays.
A few of the fans are gushing over her and in an instant, my mind went blank.
I felt like I am floating.
Images of me waking up with Zanaya by my side flashes before me.
Her sweet smile, her laugh…
Her beautiful voice…
Her…
“Seth” I can hear her calling my name.
I felt my stomach churn.
Oh, God.
I can’t live without her.
And then another image of her being pregnant appears before me.
Beside her is a cute little girl who looks like a doll, little Zanaya…
She’s so beautiful…
My heart skipped a beat and before I knew it, one part of the choreography and my lack of focus made me slip on the floor.
My back touched the ground, and my vision was greeted by the ceiling.
The crowd was shocked.
I can see the boys from the corner of my eyes getting worried as they try to continue dancing.
A chuckle escaped my lips as I stare at the ceiling.
“Seth, you stupid” I can hear Zanaya laughing at me.
It’s funny how a realization hits me in the midst of performance and I can’t even stand to continue.
But then I don’t want to worry people so I quickly stood up and flashes my signature smile indicating that I am indeed fine.
I’m getting more motivated.
I’ve decided and I need to tell Zanaya right now.
After our performance, I quickly head back to our dressing room to get my phone.
I quickly typed a message to her.
“We need to talk.”
A smile escaped my lips once I was able to send it.
“What’s that smile is for?” Sky asked as he seated right beside me.
“Nothing. I’m just so happy.” I told him as I try to hug him real tight.
“Aissst! You’re stinking Seth!” he screeched as try to push me off of him. I just laughed at his words.
“You don’t exactly smell so good right now, Sky.” Raze teased and we all laughed as they find a chair to sit with.
“So, what happened? Did you hit your head earlier or something?” Mono said as he wipes the sweat on his face with a handkerchief that one of our managers gave.
“More like, I am enlightened.” I chuckled.
“Wait a second.” Sky cut us off as he stares at his phone.
“What?” Demo asked.
“I think we need to go back to Korea real fast.” Sky suddenly stated.
“Why?” We all stared at him expectantly.
He scratched the back of his head, his face pale as he stares at Grey a little hesitantly.
He gulped.
“Max said Tokyo is missing.”
That’s it. Grey dropped his phone on the ground.
Shit. Zanaya must be freaking out.