Zanaya’s POV
It’s been a week but I still haven’t heard from him.
After I cried that night, I decided that I would still trust him and listen to him.
There’s got to be something.
I can’t easily believe that Seth will do that to me.
I mean, if he really is that bad, he would have done it right after we got married.
I still have this feeling that he wouldn’t do that to me.
He would never hurt me like that.
But then, each day that I don’t hear anything from him, my hope lessen and it’s making my heart restless.
I knew that the girls were starting to get worried about me.
“Yah, Zaya, wanna go play?” I look at Tokyo who was smiling cheekily at me.
When she said play, she doesn’t literally mean playing a game.
She meant something else.
I stared at her for a moment before a sigh escaped my lips.
Whatever.
I quickly stood up and went to my room to change my clothes and I had to cover my ears because Tojyo’s squealing can be heard even though my door was close.
“C’mon, Tokyo!!!!! I just barely sleep.” I chuckled after I hear Max’s voice roaring throughout the dorm.
“Sorry, Max, I love you!” Tokyo shouted back.
“I love you too, now shut up!” Max shouted back.
A smile formed at my lips.
At least I still have friends to make me laugh.
After wearing my black pants and a loose stripe shirt which I tucked in front, I grabbed a coat since it’s cold outside.
I wore my eyeglasses and my cap while I have my mask on my other hand.
After grabbing my sling bag, I went out of my room and found Tokyo wearing almost the same thing except her shirt was black.
“Let’s go?” she asked as she hung her arm around me.
“How about Cali?” I asked.
Tokyo shrugged. “Probably sleeping like Max.”
We went our way out.
We’re resting because we don’t have any schedule for two days. After this, we’ll have to attend another awards show which I am slowly dreading to come because now, I’m not really sure if I’m ready to see Seth.
We rarely go out especially after our debut but the girls and I have this habit of sneaking out and we were never once caught.
I guess we have the talent to blend ourselves to people and places or perhaps, we aren’t really that much known yet so not a lot of people can recognize us.
Well, at least I can still go and have some fun.
Our first stop is at the restaurant where we usually eat even when we were still trainees.
Ahjumma smiled at the sight of us.
“It’s been so long girls. I thought you forgot about my place.” she pouted and we were glad she can still recognize us even with our cap and mask.
“Ahjummaaa….” Tokyo cooed.
Tokyo had always been the one with the sweet tone regardless of how much they say that I do.
Or maybe because our voice tends to get a little higher because we don’t speak the language naturally. I mean, her growing up overseas.
“Okay, just go at your usual table and I’ll send someone your order. The usual, right?” she smiled.
I gave her a thumbs up.
“You’re the best Ahjumma. We love you.” I said as both Tokyo and I gave her our signature hearts.
She just shaked her head as we laugh our way to our table.
There aren’t many people in the resto as the school is still on. Plus, the people who eat here don’t normally mind others.
Once seated, Tokyo removed her mask and smiled at me cheekily.
“Where do you want to go next? Shopping? Arcade?”
I giggle at her eagerness.
When I’m with Tokyo, I always forget whatever problems I have.
“We can do both. I’ll need to buy some new clothes and I haven’t had my revenge on you on that shooting game, you cheater.” I rolled my eyes on her and she just laughed.
After a few minutes, ahjumma came with our food.
“Ahjummonie, did you miss us?” Tokyo pouted her lips and I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing.
“I don’t because you’re always noisy. By the way,” her eyes landed on mine.
“I saw your face on some articles about having a boyfriend, is that true?”
I almost choked on my saliva.
“Ah, of course not ahjumma.” I lied. I’m not even sure why but I just saw myself not telling people about Seth.
She then nodded.
“I thought so too. That’s impossible. Because that guy was definitely dating someone else.” she added.
“Huh?”
Why does everyone literally tells me that he’s dating someone?
Is it that really obvious and I am just making a fool of myself?
Tokyo looked at me worriedly.
“Yes. That guy had been a regular here with his girlfriend before. But they stopped coming together until last year I believe. But then, they came back earlier so I was a little surprised.” she added and I felt a lump on my throat.
It’s always me and Seth against the world. Why?
“Did you said they were here earlier?” Tokyo asked.
Ahjumma nodded. “Yes. Like a few minutes before you arrive. But you know what, they seemed to be fighting.”
I balled my fist in anger.
Ahjumma must have noticed my silence and stared at me.
“Zanaya, are you okay?”
I looked up and smiled at her.
“Of course ahjumma, don’t worry about me. I really missed your cooking.” I diverted her attention by praising her food.
She crosses her arms across her chest.
“But why are Max and Cali not with you?”
“Oh, they are sleeping!” Tokyo added joyfully while I no longer have the appetite to eat.
So he’s not sending me messages because he’s out on a date.
And here I was getting really worried, trusting him until the end but he was busy eating with her ‘girlfriend’.
My grip on my utensils tighten.
Is this how you wanna play Seth Devon?
“Zaya, are you okay?” I heard Tokyo asked and I looked at her, dead tired of all these dramas.
“I’m not okay. I want to cry but I won’t because I can’t. I can’t cry here. But I’m with you so I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear anything about him and for once, I’ll try to live a day without him on my mind.” I bravely told her which earned me a thumbs up from Tokyo.
I thank God Tokyo is so weird.
We both enjoyed the food in front of us and after a few minutes, we bid our goodbye to ahjumma.
“We’ll be back soon. We promise and next time, it will be the four of us.” Tokyo and I promised as we bowed to her once again.
Afterward, we head down to the shopping mall across the street.
A girl needs to buy a dress when she’s broken-hearted.
Tokyo and I took our turns in the fitting room trying to check some clothes for personal use.
Yep, because those dresses that we wear for performances aren’t from us.
I was able to find three dresses while Tokyo had five.
Yep. She’s a shopaholic.
For the first time, I’m actually glad Max isn’t with us or we might end up staying at the mall for another hour.
“Hey, how about we go to buy a coffee before we go home?” Tokyo suggested and we turned on a corner where not a lot of people are walking.
I wish we didn’t because I had to stop from my track once my eyes landed on Sally and Seth walking together.
Seth was looking at the ground while Sally was smiling.
So they date every day?
My heart stopped beating for a second.
Seeing them together in person breaks my heart a dozen times harder than before.
I feel like my lungs stopped functioning and I can’t breathe.
Tokyo looked at me worriedly and before I knew it, Seth’s gaze landed on mine, the shocked look evident on his face.
We may all be wearing a mask on our faces but that doesn’t stop us from recognizing each other.
Sally’s eyes landed on me as well and the smile on her face faded.
Seth looked worried and I had to stop myself from shouting at him.
It seemed like he wanted to move forward in my direction but I saw how Sally grabbed his arms to prevent him.
And he stopped.
I felt a sharp pain on my chest.
He stopped.
If he wanted to come to me, he should have released her hand and run.
But he didn’t.
I’m not dumb. He chose her. Not me.
So you have made a decision.
I wanted to scream but I refrain myself.
No Zanaya, you’re better than that. And you will not cry. You will no longer cry.
It’s okay. After all these, I don’t think there is anything that I can no longer handle.
A sigh escaped my lips.
I looked at Tokyo and smiled at her.
“Let’s go?” I pulled her by the arms as we moved forward.
If this is what he wanted, I will give in.
My eyes were focused in front pretending that I am not seeing them.
Don’t look Zanaya. Don’t.
We were almost passed them when I felt him grabbed my arm. I had to stop for a moment.
“Zaya,” he whispered and I heard the longing in his voice.
Be strong, Zanaya. Don’t give in.
I stared back at him, my eyes no longer showing any emotion.
I released his hands on my arms and bowed a little.
“You must be mistaken. I’m sorry, we have to go.”
And then, Tokyo and I walked forward, away from them. Away from my heart breaking into pieces.
For the past weeks, he had become both my strength and weakness.
In the end, I was left with only pain.
Sometimes, they are things in life that no matter how much you desire, you need to let go and give up because it’s already owned by someone.
And I’m letting him go so I can be free.
A tear escaped my eyes as I walk forward, not even minding the continuous attempt of Tokyo to get my attention, forgetting everything behind.
I have lived more than twenty years without him, I can surely live another by myself.
No matter how much it hurts.