MEGAN
I REMEMBERED Forrest fluttery kissing my forehead like a butterfly feather and whispered that he had to go. I didn’t know what time he left, but I felt confident that he would keep his words.
When I went down, Mom was already ready for work. “Forrest left already.”
I halted in the middle of the stairs, feeling my cheeks flared. I was mortified that Mom knew that Forrest visited me last night.
Mom smiled. “No need to feel embarrassed. I knew Forrest would come. He asked where were you staying and he didn’t give me any choice not to give him the address. You know that I have a soft spot for that guy. When he told me he was waiting for you at your apartment yesterday, and you didn’t go there, I felt bad.”
“He could be lying,” I defended myself.
“That man doesn’t lie, Meggie. That’s his strong suit. He chose to stop talking than to lie. And I like him.”
“I’m sorry, Mom.” I walked down toward her. “I should have not let him in, but I know he won’t stop knocking until he got what he came for. I’m afraid he’d wake you up or worse our neighbors.” My reason was not convincing. I just felt mortified that we might disrupt her sleep during our well, very eventful night.
“If things between you two have sorted out, I have no problem. You both are adults, and remember what I told you to go out on a date? I’m just glad you followed my advice.”
“Yeah, but what happens between me and Forrest isn’t really planned, and we are not dating.”
“Baby steps, honey. Let’s go. We still have to stop by the flower shop.”
***
My heart pounded in my chest as we entered the cemetery. For the first time in five years, I was going to see him again. My world seemed to spin, and I felt the chill running down my spine while I was tightly gripping the flowers we bought earlier, but I was not taking any chances.
I felt Mom was squeezing my arm in encouragement. I blew a breath and nodded in determination. It was now or nothing. I had to face my regrets, my grief, and my fear once and for all.
“It’s okay to feel terrified.”
“I know.” I nodded vigorously.
I still remembered the tree to my left where I ran to and broke down under after the casket had rolled down.
We were getting closer to his grave, and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding, yet my stomach was twisting.
“A few more steps, Meggie. You can do it.” Mom was rubbing my arm.
“This is it.” My steps slowed and slowed, feeling my knees wobbled, but I put all the courage and strength together, and I kept reminding myself that I couldn’t return the time to stop the inevitable.
My lungs expanded, and I smiled down in relief when I was already looking down at his name engraved on the plate.
“You did it, Meggie,” Mom whispered.
“I made it, Mom!” I gushed, wiped my tears dry, and pulled Mom into a hug.
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Meggie. I am so proud of you.”
“I know, right?” I let out shaky laughter as I placed down the white lilies and sat down. “Hey, Dad.”
Mom sat beside me and removed the withering flowers and replaced them with her pink carnation on another plate; for my mother.
My mother, Mom’s only sister died in childbirth, but Mom treated me like her own. Then, when things went awry, I just left her. Just like that. That was my biggest regret. I blamed myself, and I couldn’t stand my guilt. That took years for me to face her again.
“I’m sorry, Dad. If it takes a long time for me to visit you again, but never a day passed by that I didn’t think of you. I missed you so much.” I bit my lip when my chin started to tremble, but it wouldn’t stop. I shook, pouring out all my regrets and pain to this one cry, and hopefully, this would be the last.
“What’s important is you’re here now, Meggie,” Mom said.
“Then, yesterday, I realized that we couldn’t redo the past. Someone inspired me to do this. He said that he has to do something risky for the right reason, that he has to do that to have a better life. Honestly, I’d been blaming myself for what happened, that was why I ran away, leaving Mom alone, but for these past years, nothing happened in my life away from you and Mom. I was in the dark the whole time. I couldn’t move on. All I did was hide my pain, my guilt, and it felt like I was fooling myself all along because every time I went to bed, I still felt the emptiness inside me. I’m so sorry if it took so long for me to realize that. I hope you can still forgive me, Dad. I also have to forgive myself to start a new life.”
Mom was rubbing my back as I continued telling Dad like we used to do. I felt a sudden lightness in my chest when Mom started talking to Dad and my mother about our dinner plan. We ended up laughing as if they were just right in front of us.
***
When we got back to work, I remembered I had not thought of Kyland’s job offer.
Hours went by uneventfully. Mom sent me to my apartment, but she didn’t let me go if I didn’t promise her dinner. Before I could enter the elevator, someone called my name behind me.
I turned around, ignoring the burning sensation inside my chest. “I would say you might be a British spy.”
“Megan, right?” She still looked sophisticated.
I would be damned if I wasn’t jealous of her big eyes and tanned skin. Her makeup was perfect. I couldn’t blame Forrest if he was still banging this woman because she was definitely a catch.
“And you’re Meadow.” I did an ugly laugh. “Last night, I told Forrest that he has a thing with M. What a pretty awkward coincidence.”
“So, he was with you last night and chose not to be with his mother.” Her accent was posh, and it added points to her sarcasm and bitchiness. “Are all Americans like to influence abominably to everything they touch?”
My stance stiffed to her rude behavior. “Why are you exactly here, Meadow? And should I remind you that you are standing right now on American soil? Be careful with your words.”
“I’m just finding it hard to believe that Forrest just turns a blind eye.”
Well, I was already fuming with anger. “Turns a blind eye? Are you serious right now? Look, Meadow, I can a bitch and turn on my catty behavior, but what’s the point? Forrest told me that you two were over. And if there’s one thing you two have is just.” I paused and jabbed in the air. “Sex? His words, by the way. Not mine.”
Her eyes narrowed, obviously offended. She did a cruelly, disgustingly, and low laugh. “And do you believe him, darling? Do you trust him?”
“Yes. He has no reason to lie. He could’ve done that before if all he wanted was to get into my knickers because he knew very well. I would still fuck him though even if he lied right to my face.”
“You’re such a promiscuous woman!” Meadow cringed in disgust.
I gave her a sweet smile. “So, I’ve been told. Far worse too many times.”
“What did he see in you?”
“What he sees is what he gets. And he got some standards that contradict your first impression on me, you know. I didn’t have to hide my true nature behind another skin, besides, Forrest made me realize how important of facing your own fears, letting go of the past, and think of the future. I am not perfect, but I accepted my flaws. I think you should do that, Meadow.”
She muttered something under her breath, eyeing me cold, dead, and flat.
“Just let him go. He should be with someone who can make him happy. And we both know who that person is, whether you like it or not. Anyway, you can’t stop him from doing what’s needed to be done. You should know that because if anyone knew him well, it would be you. As his friend, it’s better that you offer him your support. That’s all he needs.”