I Never Told Him How I Feel
BLAINE
Mom placed some potatoes in the preheated oven, and for the first time in like forever she allowed me to help in her kitchen. I was back home for almost a week now, but we hadn’t gotten a chance to spend time together. She invited me or rather forced me to stay for dinner, and I knew there was something she wanted to talk about so urgently.
I sliced some red radish and tossed them into the bowl. I left Ben with Daddy in the living room as they tried to solve some puzzles on his iPad app.
Mom sighed deeply as if she wanted to say something but holding it back.
“Just say it, Mom.” I watched her moves closely as she wiped her hands with the flowery kitchen towel Bianca had slipped into my luggage for her.
She finally moved beside me, tapping her short fingernails against the wooden countertop. “So, what is your plan, sweetie?”
I slowed down slicing and met her gaze. “What plan? For Ben?”
“For you and Ben, sweetie, and please don’t hide things from us again.” Her sweet voice laced with concern.
“I will enroll Ben at the private school downtown, Mom. I inquired online last week,” I answered carefully. I cared a lot about Xandry. I planned on moving to New York since my parents told me it was better for Ben to start with an excellent education, but after my encounter with Mr. Williams, I had to set it aside. I was not a coward nor giving up what I had with his son, but I couldn’t risk Xandry and Sammer’s future because of my own choices.
“I thought you plan on moving to New York.”
I put down the knife. “I can’t stay away from you and Daddy, Mom. My friends are here and my life—”
“But your love life is there, Blaine.”
My brow arched. “My love life?”
“I know you like Xandry more than your dickhead ex.”
“Mom!”
“What’s wrong with saying—”
I raised my hand to warn her. “Don’t say that again.” I ended up laughing.
“It’s true. Now answer me, young woman.” She crossed her arms around her chest with a serious look on her face.
I sighed. “Have a seat, Mom because this is kind of a long story.”
She moved and sat beside me, and I faced her. “Xandry’s dad did a background check on me and well, the woman Xandry had gotten pregnant. She agreed to do the DNA test to prove Xandry was the father of the unborn child.”
Mom listened to me attentively.
“He threatened to pull out Xandry’s trust fund and fire him if I won’t stay away from his son. You know rich people were connected with money. I can’t let him lose everything because of me, Mom.” My voice shook at the end. I grabbed her hand, and she squeezed me back.
“How about Xandry?”
“Well.” I chuckled sadly. “You know him. He’s determined that we’re good together and the threat can’t stop him from being with me.”
“If he fights for you, sweetie, then you should do the same. Fight for him, for yourself, for both of you. That guy loves Ben. He’s good with kids and I’m not gonna guess if he is good in bed—”
“Mom,” I whispered.
“How about the mother of his baby?”
“They signed an agreement that Xandry gets the full custody of the child since Sunshine was barely living when she went to see him. She has to finish school too. So, his family offered her an apartment and a fully paid college plan and some cash.”
“So, I met Mr. Williams at the club, and we exchanged words.”
“He threatened you, was he?” Mom’s voice turned sharp. Her posture went rigid.
I nodded glumly.
“Sonof—”
“Mom! What happened to you? You kept on cursing.”
“I’ll let Miranda talk to him,” she simply answered.
“What Aunt Miranda has to do with Mr. Williams?” My brows met together.
“They used to date.”
“What?” My eyes bulged. My hand slapped my mouth. I swallowed hard, staring at mom in disbelief. “Why the hell nobody told me about this?”
“We don’t usually talk about what happened a long time ago, sweetie, especially what happened to Miranda before she appeared in this town.”
“Mom…”
“The FBI offered her a new identity after they caught a drug dealer who used and killed her mom. Miranda’s mom was using her to date Phoenix, that’s Xandry’s father while she was secretly sleeping with Phoenix’s dad, Henry. Miranda and Phoenix broke up, but there was something in her mother that made her pursue another plan, so she blackmailed Phoenix to break up with Samantha, Xandry’s mom. Later she found out, that bitch was not actually her real mother.”
“Oh, my god, that’s terrible.” I kept on listening to Mom while goosebumps crawled my skin as I had to hug myself.
“The FBI able to save Miranda before the group of drug dealers kill her, but too late for her mom. So, they gave her money and a new identity to start over and that’s how she ended up at Max’s bar. She was Gabrielle Cox.”
I wiped my tears and sniffed. My chin was trembling to Aunt Miranda’s life she had before. “Then Phoenix and Sam got back together and got married.”
“Samantha has a good heart, Blaine. I can’t blame Phoenix for being overprotective over his children because he’d been a lot. His father beat his mom and he and Hawk, his brother let their mom escaped to New York to start a new life. And after what happened to him and Samantha, I completely understood. He fought their relationship because he felt in his heart that Samantha was the right one for him despite the circumstances.”
“I know, mom. Xandry’s dad sent a book every day to prove how much he loved Samantha. He even bought a building where Samantha was renting an apartment to help her payout the rent. That time she just broke up with her ex and just started living in the City. That’s what Xandry and Saph had told me.”
“It was a lovely story, Blaine. And I want you to do something for me, sweetie. Fight for you and Xandry. Fight for what is right. If you think and feel that Xandry is the right one for you, fight for him. True love comes once in a lifetime, and I don’t want you to regret not doing the right thing. Me and your dad fight for our love as well, and we are still happily married until now—”
“Oh, please, mom, don’t tell me the gory details. That’s just ew, awkward.” I laughed, wiping my tears from my face, but they kept pouring down like rain.
“So, sweetie, do you love Xandry?”
I shook to cry and launched myself into Mom, and she caught me midway. I wrapped my arms around her and poured my frustrations and pain over what Mr. Williams could possibly do to Xandry, my love, and my hope toward his son.
“I never tell him how I feel. Do you think it’s too late, Mom?”
“Not when you hurry your ass off.”
“Mom!”
***
“Are you sure you don’t need help?” I asked Kyland as he lifted the last box inside my apartment. Yes, my apartment.
I ignored Xandry’s message with an angry emoji. And he kept on sending. The last one made me snort.
XandryTheGreat: Blaine, I’m mad at you. You will not get orgasms from me, woman.
“You ask me when I’ve got the last one?” He laughed, wiping off the sweat from his forehead.
“Can’t thank you enough, Kill.” I decided to surprise Xandry by not telling him I moved to New York. I got Kill and Cam’s old apartment. I was lucky it was still on the lease. I found an animal clinic online not far from the apartment, but the school I found for Ben needed a thirty minutes ride. Bianca lent me her ford since Kyland didn’t allow to drive yet.
“No need to thank me, Blaine.”
“Kilan, can I come and see Aunt Bianca?” Ben gave Kill puppy eyes, making him difficult to say no.
“No, Ben, not now. Kill is exhausted.”
“But, Mommy, I can’t see Sandry and Aunt Bianca too.” He pouted, slumping to the brand new brown couch in our small living room.
“Okay, I’ll see if I can take you to Xandry, but I can’t promise, Ben.”
“Just promise, Mommy, and call Sandry already.”
Kyland laughed, shaking his head with amusement. “I think I’m done here.”
“Kill, thanks so much. I’ll drop by sometime tomorrow. I need to see B as well.”
“No worries, take your time to adjust. Shall I call a pizza delivery for both of you?” he offered, but I had already in mind.
“Don’t bother, Kill. Thanks a lot though, go home and give B a Swedish massage. She’s been blowing my inbox.”
“Call me when you need anything, okay?”
I nodded and smiled at Kyland as he waved goodbye to Ben. I looked around at our new apartment where I and my son were going to start a new life together. My parents were glad about my decisions and they helped me out choosing some appliances online. The furniture had arrived yesterday, including my bed and Ben’s.
Kyland had asked the landlord to re-paint the entire apartment and change the old sink in the kitchen into a new one. Bianca and Meg helped each other to make it homier for us when we arrive. Our clothes and a few photographs were the things left that I was going to arrange.
“Wanna go see Xandry, baby bunny?”
Ben’s eyes lit up with excitement. He stood quickly, sprinting toward me, then wrapped his tiny arms around my thigh. “Let’s go, Mommy!”
I laughed, ruffled his hair, and grabbed the keys.
***
“Are you ready, big guy?” I asked Ben as I pressed the doorbell on Xandry’s apartment.
Good thing, Jun recognized me instantly and he didn’t need to call the tenant. Saph didn’t have any idea that I moved already though we still chatted with each other. I was afraid she couldn’t keep secrets from her brother.
The hustling of footsteps made my heart thud in my chest. I squeezed Ben’s hand as my nervousness arose.
The door swung open. “I know, Shine.” Xandry wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
My blood rushed in my ears, making me want to scream to stop from tingling. My heart ached like it had been stabbed with knives simultaneously. Tears formed at the back of my eyelids when his most gorgeous blue eyes staring back at me with wide eyes and as shocked as I was.