SHADOW
I felt like I woke up from a deep slumber to a strange and unfamiliar feeling- emptiness, disconnected. Then, the first thing I saw was the royal wallpaper on the ceiling, but it was dark, just the yellow light from the lampshade illuminating the room.
So, I slept in my room at the palace. I had no idea for how long, but I felt so damn exhausted.
Then there was this hollowness and heaviness and tightness deep in my chest. It somewhat felt like a long-term despair- so painful, as if I had lost something significant to me or someone I couldn’t live without. And the disconnection made it more heartbreaking.
Califf. Oh, my God.
“Califf!” I jolted to sit on the bed, and someone was startled at the corner.
“Shadow!” The tall shadow got up, and the voice was familiar to me.
“Everlee?” I asked in surprise.
“Oh, my goddess!” Her eyes lit up, and she sprinted toward me, pulling me into a tight hug. “I’m so glad you wake up. We’re so worried about you.”
“Oh. How long have I been sleeping?” I blinked at her.
“Almost two days.” She cupped my face and kissed me on the cheek. That was surprising, but it made me smile.
I looked at myself, and I was already wearing pajamas.
“Oh, wait,” she said with excitement. “Stay here. Don’t move. I’m calling Cal.”
“Okay,” I replied, but she was already gone. I still got up. My bladder was full. I walked to the bathroom, but something wasn’t feeling right. I ignored it and emptied my bladder instead. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, but I knew my intuition was always right, and something terrible happened.
“Oh, no.” I stared at the mirror to see my highlights were gone. “Where did it go?”
I quickly got out of the bathroom, startled to see everyone staring at me, and no one even moved or blinked.
“Is something wrong with my face aside from my missing highlights?” I pointed at my head.
“Jeez, you made us worry.” Zack came to me, hugged me tight, and lifted me. “I missed you, Shadow.”
“Jeez, thanks.” When I looked at Calder, Lyon, Kairo, Everlee, and even Zarah, they were still in the same position, and then I realized Califf wasn’t there. “Where’s Califf?”
“Baby?” He may have looked tired and sad, but he was still handsome and hot as ever standing at the door.
“Hey.” I ran to him and threw myself at him, and he caught me and wrapped me in his arms tightly, a little tighter.
“Um.” I couldn’t help but giggle. “You’re squeezing me too tight, big guy.”
He let me go and stared at me for a moment before he hugged me again, kissing my head. And then he sighed. “I thought I lost you again.”
“I’m not easy to get rid of, trust me.” I chuckled.
“I know, baby.” He kissed me on the lips.
“But what’s going on? Why are you all looking at me like I just came back from the dead.”
“How are you feeling?” The way he stared at me, he looked so lost and in misery, and it hurt me so much.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, holding his hand as I walked to the bed. I sat there, and I could still feel their gazes on me. “Stop staring at me, guys. That’s rude.”
“What do you remember?”
I lifted my gaze at Califf. “Oh.” My eyes widened, and my heart beat so fast. “I thought I was going to die. We were at the nightclub, and I sipped Negroni, and then the next thing I knew, my throat was melting, and I couldn’t breathe, and then I thought I was dead. So I might have passed out or something.” I shifted my gaze to Zarah. “How am I still alive?”
“I had help. You were dying. Your drink was spiked with Wolfsbane, Digitalis, but there’s something else.”
“What? What’s Digitalis?”
“A Foxglove. It’s a poisonous plant. Margaret and I sensed the use of magic, and-” She swallowed hard, and I instantly saw the guilt in her eyes. The last time I saw it was when I first met her, telling me about my mother.
“And what?” I was already on my feet.
“The magic was used to kill your wolf.”
“Oh, my-” My eyes widened. My knees weakened, my world started spinning around me, and I fell back to bed. I gasped for air when I felt I couldn’t breathe, still staring at her.
“Hey, breathe. It’s gonna be okay.” Califf knelt before me, rubbing my arms. “We’ll figure this out.”
I stared at him, and when reality hit me, my world fell apart. “My wolf?”
The pain in his eyes became so deep and hard to endure, and they began to fill with tears. “Baby, I’m so sorry-”
“For what?” I began panting and shaking my head violently because I had just figured out what was wrong with me. “No, no, no.”
“Shadow, please? Calm down.”
“No!” I pushed him hard, but I barely nudged him. I punched him on his chest, and it didn’t even budge while I whined in pain. I looked at my shaking hand and realized it felt like a sucker punch. It broke my heart catastrophically, cosmically like I watched the world end and couldn’t do anything to save the people I loved. “She’s gone. She’s gone! How’s it even possible?”
“We will find a way,” Zarah said, but even her look could not convince me.
“No! You’re lying.”
“Shadow, I will do everything I can, even if I have to give up my powers to find a way to get back your wolf. I will do it.”
Tears streamed down my face, and everyone seemed to be crying, but they didn’t know what it felt like to lose a part of me that had been there all my life. She was a part of my soul, a part of my being, and she completed me. Now that she was gone, half of me was also gone.
“Raven is gone. I can’t feel her anymore.” That was the first time I called her name out loud. She didn’t like it when she had her own name because she felt I was putting distance between us, like she wasn’t a part of me. “She’s gone.”
“Shadow, we always-”
“No! You don’t know that! She’s half of me, Califf. Now that she’s gone, half of me is gone, too, and I will never feel complete without her.”
“That’s not true.” Pain and misery filled his eyes. He was hurting, but nothing could compare to what I felt inside. “I’m still here. We’re still here.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know the feeling of losing the most important thing in your life.”
“I actually do. How many times have I watched you lying in bed with the thought of losing you? I lost the part of me, not only once, but twice, Shadow.”
“Try losing your wolf.” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“If I could trade our positions that night, I did it in a heartbeat because watching you unconscious in my arms broke my heart all over again. I’d rather be human than watching you endure that pain.”
“Oh, my God.” I stared at my hands. “I’m human.” Then my gaze landed on his neck, and I instinctively touched his mark on me. “They’re gone.”
Califf dropped his gaze, swallowed hard, and grimaced in pain.
“That was why I felt weird when I woke up. That something was missing in me. I couldn’t feel our bond, our connection.” I briefly closed my eyes, and I was right. “I couldn’t connect to the pack link. So what that leaves me? Just a human, married to Califf Stone. I’m not a Lycan, not a Night Stalker Pack member, nor your Luna.” I looked at the guys, who were distraught, still in silence. Then I shifted my gaze back to Califf. “You better find another Luna, Alpha.” I got up and walked towards the door.
“I’m still your husband, Shadow, and you are still my mate.”
I turned to him, glaring. “Your mate? What makes us mate, Califf? I’m human. I don’t have a wolf, I don’t have the super hearing, the strength, and I can’t smell like you do. I can’t run with you. Everything I had is gone.”
“You can still be our Luna. Humans can mate with a werewolf, Luna.”
“No, Lyon.” I looked at Lyon. “I don’t wanna be a part of this anymore.”
“We had to do it, Shadow, or we lost you forever,” said Califf, “we had no choice-”
“Who made the fucking choice?”
“Me,” my father replied, who just arrived.
“We did,” Califf backed him up.
I laughed in sarcasm. “So you both put my life in your hands and decided to save me? That’s fucking awesome!”
“We saved your life-”
I snapped at Zarah. “So now I’ll be forever indebted to you? Is that it?”
“Don’t blame her, Shadow. I’d rather have you as human than watch you die.”
“That’s noble of you, father. Now, you better make an heir with Zarah because I’m neither a Lycan nor your princess, and I’m not a half-witch. I’m nothing but a loser, pathetic, weak human.”