He knews.
“You think i should have told you? ” I asked him back.
“Yeah of course ” he said.
“And how…? ” I asked him back instantly.
“By your… Ummm…. Ummm…… ” his words hesitated to come out. He also knew that it wasn’t not my fault to not to tell him.
“Leave it Jason…. ” I said.
“Call me Leyson” he said.
” ”
I didn’t said anything to him. He also kept quiet…….. For a long time else stayed quiet there.
“Leyson you found someone?? ” he asked breaking the silence
I looked at him sideways, he was looking at me. I looked at him and I didn’t know what to say to him.
“You gonna ask these when we met again after all these years”
“I think it’s important. ”
“What is important? ”
“You to know that I never dated even a single girl in these two years because I was keeping myself for you ” he said.
My head started going dizzy at his words. What is he talking about.
“I think I have cleared this two years ago ” I said facing him, I didn’t withdraw my eyes this time.
“I know… But… I thought you might have changed your mind until now ” he said.
“What are you talking about Jason ”
He turned the car and stopped at the side.
“Please I want us to be Leyson ”
“But Jason…. I told you ”
“I know what you told me. But I can’t control my emotions. I want you still, I want to be Leyson , I want that you want to be Leyson ”
“Jason” I called his name.
“I want us to be Leyson. You remember how we used to be happy in the past. I want to be happy again. ” he didn’t listened to me. He kept talking….
“Jason ” I shouted… He stopped blabbering and looked at me. There are a bit of tears in his eyes, they were moist. He was forcing them hard to not to let out from his eyes.
“Jason please don’t do this to me. I can’t force my feelings on you either. Look I don’t want to break your heart… You are my good friend, I also want you to be happy. But…. I can’t.. I don’t… I can’t force my feelings ”
I don’t like it either But I can’t say something good to him. He needs to let go…. Even if it hurts . It’s better to be hurt now rather than later. Maybe in future he will forget me if he gets hurt…. Maybe in future he’ll understand that I am helpless too…
His moist eyes became teary…. And then in an instant, a drop of tears rolled down his face.
He was fighting with himself, but his eyes didn’t support him. His eyes betrayed him and showed his heart in form of tears. He bent down his head and tears dropped continuously on his lap.
I felt bad for him. He is my friend, I love him but I don’t love him the way he wants me to…. I can’t even force my feelings on him…. This won’t make any of us happy.
I don’t know how to console him while I was the one to make him cry. I don’t know how to make him feel good. How should I react in this.
I keep in that state for a long time. I didn’t move nor did he.
“Jaso…”
I called his name but he cut me off. He didn’t look up at me , he was still bending down but his his eyes were not flowing out now. He said still looking down ” You… Did you found anyone else? ”
He lift up his head and our eyes met. His eyes were a bit swollen from crying. I felt bad for him and more guilty that I was the one who did this to him.
But this was not a thing I did on my will. Even if I don’t find anyone else…. I still didn’t love him…
“No Jason… but… ” I wanted to say something to him. But he wouldn’t listen. He stopped me in the middle.
“No but Leyson, ” he wiped his tears with his both hands. ” if you don’t find someone till today… Maybe your heart still loves me and you are not seeing that… I won’t step back. I returned here for you and I will win your heart one day. I’m sure of this. You can take your time but… I’ll wait. Let’s just pretend that nothing happened today…. You didn’t said those words to me and I… I didn’t listened .” he said and smiled than he looked at me.
” I’ll wait for the day you get your feelings”
“…”
“You will soon get that.. That I really love you Leyson ”
“Jason ”
“Leyson please don’t say anything. ” he look away from me “You must be tired… I’ll take you home ”
“I…. ”
He press the peddle and the car sped away. We reach our apartment in less than a few moments. I was amazed that he still remembered this route. We actually used to came at Cami’s after our school or exam times or the weekends. We loved to buy a few packets of popcorn and watch movies together. We used to learn and teach cooking to each others. We had eaten burned pizza. It was still school at that time that is why we never bunked our classes. We usually did those funs at Saturday after schools.
I never have much time to spend with them after school hours. But Cami learned driving from him.
He parked his car in front of our building. I unfastened my seat belt, and got out of the car. Then I saw him he was still eaten there, he didn’t have any intentions of getting out today
“Aren’t you coming? ” I asked him.
“Another day Leyson, take rest today ” he said to me not looking to me not even once .
“Cami is sick, don’t you really want to see her? ” I asked him once more.
“She’ll be fine. I’ll came to visit you guys tomorrow morning ” he said.
I didn’t ask him further because there was still black porshche parked in front of our building. Ethan must be still here. It’s good for Jason to go….. And he needs some space for himself.
“Take care Jason. Good night. ” I waves my hands at him.
He turned to me for a brief moment and smiled. ” Good night Leyson. ”
He drove off his car far from the building , I was waving my hands from far while he went further and further away.
After he went out of sight, I went inside the building. Today I didn’t take the elevator but taje the stairs. I felt so tired while moving. Even stepping one step forward was so difficult. It took me more than 5 minutes to cross two level of stairs.
Finally I reached in front my apartment and I was totally exhausted from the walk.
“Ding dong ” I pressed the bell. I waited for few minutes and there was no response in return.
“Ding dong ” I pressed the bell again.
After a few minutes, some one from inside make moving sound. It came towards the door hurridly and opened the door. It was Cami.
She was standing in front of me smiling. Her pale face has recovered it’s color and she looked more healthier than the morning. I thought she might get more sick if I left her alone but she was looking healthy now as If she wasn’t even sick at the morning.
I quickly put my hand on her forehead to check the temperature, but her temperature had gone away as if it was never there.
I pulled her into a hug. I was so happy to see her healthy and smiling again.
“finally you are cool…. I felt so relieved ” I said hugging her.
“I’m always cool dude… You just noticed it after my fever ” she said lifting her thumb, Intel and small finger up in the air.
“You know what? I missed your lame joke all day around. ” I said to her. And we laughed at this.
“Where Is Ethan by the way ?” I asked her.
“He is sleeping now ” Cami said as she dragged me down to sit on a chair.
“You know what? He kept taking care of me all the day. He even made dinner for me. ” she said happiness dropping from her words..
“Really? ” I asked her.
She nodded with excitement.
“He must be really good at caring people. Look I have left a I’ll Cami to him and he had returned me the healthy one. ” I said to her. ” He must have some magic”
“No” Cami denied me “I… I mean it was you why take care of me at the first place… You were the one to make hot water to clean me. You make me porridge and fed me strictly… You fed me medicine and cooled me before he came ”
She started saying all these…. I know she was trying to cover up for Ethan.
I looked at her and felt funny. She was just singing Ethan’s song just now saying that he did this, he did that and now she was covering his all hard works and saying I was the one to make her cured not Ethan. I wonder…. What will happen if Ethan heard us.
“Ethan” I got up from the chair. Cami who was in front of me froze and her face starting fading. She slowly got up and turned back.