I am rushing to the hospital; this damn car cannot go fast enough; it feels like the road is endless, and there are million other cars in my way. The world around me has stopped, and I swear so has my heart; I am numb; it is all crashing down on me.
I do not bother to park like a normal person nor even lock my car. Instead, I am racing like a lunatic through the passages to get to her room. I hear someone screaming her name; when I see no one around, I realize it is me.
I find the doctor outside her room.
Doctor ~ “Slow down, Trayton. At this rate, you are going to have a heart attack.”
Trayton ~ “How is she?”
Doctor ~ “She is sleeping.”
Trayton ~ “What happened?”
The doctor explains to me how she has been hiding her medication and not been taking it. Something about a psychotic episode and her getting her hands on a blade. She does not want to say why and she will only speak to me.
Trayton ~ “Can I go in?”
Doctor ~ “Yes, take as long as you need.’
I find her fast asleep; she does not have her blanket over her. It is freezing outside, so I pull it up to her chest; she scrunches her fingers in it and pulls it over her shoulders; it is as if she knows it’s me.
I bend forward and place a kiss on her cheek.
Trayton ~ “I am here, baby. Everything is okay.”
I watch her sleep throughout the night until early the next morning, when I finally doze off to sleep
I hear a faint voice calling out my name.
Ava ~ “Trayton. Trayton. Trayton, wake up.”
Trayton ~ “Hey you. Sorry baby, I could not keep my eyes open.”
Ava ~ “If I watch you the whole night, my eyes will also get tired.”
Trayton ~ “How do you know I was here?”
Ava ~ “I smelled your cologne.”
Trayton ~ “I knew it was a good choice when I bought it.”
Ava ~ “You would smell good even if you don’t bathe for a week.”
Trayton ~ “Baby, that is gross.”
I know she is avoiding the question, but I am going to ask it anyway.
Trayton ~ “Are you okay?”
Ava ~ “Yes, I am.”
Trayton ~ “You scared me there for a bit.”
Ava ~ “I am sorry.”
Trayton ~ “Baby, why did you want to do that?”
Ava ~ “I don’t want to be in here anymore. Please take me home.”
Trayton ~ “Baby, you must get better first before they will let me take you home.”
Ava ~ “How long is that going to be?”
Trayton ~ “That is up to you. The sooner you want to get better, the sooner I can take you home.’
Ava ~ “You promise.”
Trayton ~ “Yes, baby, I promise. I want you to get better. And I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Please promise me you won’t do it again.”
Ava ~ “I promise, baby.”
Trayton ~ “Please talk to the lady so she can help you make the nightmares stop.”
The doctor comes in with her medication, and the nurse checks her blood pressure. She does not stay awake long after that. I hold her hand while I wait for her to fall completely asleep.
She is lying there so peacefully. She looks like an angel, but an angel with broken wings; I am the only one that can fix them; I see that now. She does not want to get better if I am not around, I do not care if I have to book myself in here, but I am not leaving her side.
That is when I say it for the very first time.
As I sit there and look at her, I take a stray lock of hair and tuck it behind her ear, and I whisper.
Trayton ~ “You have to get better, my baby, because I want to marry you.”
The words bring tears to my eyes, and for the first time in months, I cry tears of joy
…………………………
Five months since admission.
She is taking her medication and has made a lot of progress with her Psychologist. Today is the first time she has come outside the hospital into the garden.
Ava ~ “Can I ask you a question?”
Trayton ~ “Yes, baby.”
Ava ~ “Are you doing okay? You know after all of this.”
Trayton ~ “I will be okay the day I take you home.”
Ava ~ “I think the nurses will be glad. They call you grumpy ass.”
Trayton ~ “Why grumpy ass.”
Ava ~ “They say you are a grumpy man with a sexy ass.”
Trayton ~ “Is the nurses checking my ass out.”
Ava ~ “I think they have been checking more than your ass out.”
Trayton ~ “That just sounds wrong.”
Ava ~ “You the one getting undressed in my room cause you don’t want to go into the bathroom and change.”
Trayton ~ “You must tell them it is rude to stare.”
She giggles and looks out into the garden
Ava ~ “I am very lucky to have such a sexy boyfriend that cares so much about me.”
Trayton ~ “I am the lucky one.”
Ava ~ “To think over a year ago you were a man whore and now you holding hands with your crazy girlfriend on the other side of the world.”
Trayton ~ “You not crazy. Don’t ever say that about yourself.”
…………………………
Five months and two weeks since admission…
I am meeting the doctor this morning to discuss her progress.
Doctor ~ “Morning, Trayton.”
Trayton ~ “Morning doctor.”
Doctor ~ “Our nurses have grown quite fond of you two. It is going to be sad to see you guys go.”
Trayton ~ “This is my second home now. Whoever thought I would practically live in a hospital when I don’t need to be here.”
Doctor ~ “For a sane person that is quite insane.”
Trayton ~ “Wait, did you say see us go?”
Doctor ~ “Yes. I think she is ready.”
Trayton ~ “When? How long?”
Doctor ~ “Another week or two.”
Trayton ~ “You fucking kidding me?”
Doctor ~ “No, she can go home.”
Trayton ~ “Fuck, doctor, if you were a woman, I would kiss you. That is the best news I have had in months.”
Doctor ~ “One thing, though.”
Trayton ~ “Yes?”
Doctor ~ “Try to keep her away from your work.”
Trayton ~ “What do you mean?”
Doctor ~ “She let it slip what you do and what happened to him. She is not ready for that.”
Trayton ~ “I will, and thanks for not saying anything.”
Doctor ~ “If I had to, I would have done the same thing. Now go tell her the great news.”
…………………………
Day of discharge…
Ava ~ “Baby, let’s go. I want to go.”
Trayton ~ “Baby, we must wait for the nurses; they want to say goodbye.”
Ava ~ “I think they just want to see your ass one more time before we go.”
Trayton ~ “In that case, I should put tighter jeans on.”
Ava ~ “Don’t you dare. That is all mine.”
The nurses come in and start hugging us goodbye; some of them are even crying; they have become such a big part of our lives; they are like family. They surely have put up a lot with my tantrums and ordering them around.
Doctor ~ “Now you two try to stay out of trouble.”
Trayton ~ “Doctor, thanks for everything; it does mean a lot to both of us. And thank you for not kicking my ass out.”
Doctor ~ “You the only person I have ever met that insisted on staying in here. If it were not for you, we all wouldn’t be standing crying and saying goodbye now.”
After lots of hugs and lots of tears, we finally leave. I watch her face light up as she steps out the door
Ava ~ “Goodbye, horrible place.”
The drive to my old home is the most exciting I have had for a long time. She has not stopped talking since we left, she is so happy, and I am so happy to see my baby happy, to see her back to being herself; she is even better than before.
Ava ~ “Baby.”
Trayton ~ “Yes.”
Ava ~ “I don’t want to be ugly, but I hope we are not going to stay here.”
Trayton ~ “I was thinking maybe just a little bit.”
Ava ~ “Please, can we rather go home? It’s like living in a morgue here.”
Trayton ~ “How do you know what it feels like living in a morgue?”
Ava ~ “I am just imagining.”
Trayton ~ “Fuck baby, that is sick. Compare it to a cemetery.”
Ava ~ “How do you know how it feels like to live in a cemetery?”
Trayton ~ “We use to play in the cemetery here when we were young.”
Ava ~ “Baby, that shit is sick. How can you play around dead people?”
Trayton ~ “Me and my brother did a lot of sick shit when we were young.”
Ava ~ “Will I meet him one day?”
Trayton ~ “Maybe you will.”
Ava ~ “So can we go home in the morning then?”
Trayton ~ “Yes, baby, we can.”
We do not unpack the car, we go straight inside, and she insists that she wants a glass of wine. I pour us two glasses, and we go sit outside.
Ava ~ “Thank you.”
Trayton ~ “For what, baby?”
Ava ~ “For not giving up on me again. Sleeping there every night to make sure I am okay. Holding my hand through every nightmare. Hugging me through my tears. And for just loving me.”
Trayton ~ “I love you, Ava, and that means I will do absolutely everything and anything for you.”
Ava ~ “Really?”
Trayton ~ “Why do I think you have come up with an idea.”
Ava ~ “Is it that obvious?”
Trayton ~ “No, not at all.”
Ava ~ “Now you just messing with me.”
Trayton ~ “I would never do that.”
Ava ~ “I am going to smack you.”
Trayton ~ “Be careful. I might just like it.”
Ava ~ “You know what I would like now.”
Trayton ~ “Tell me.”
She whispers in my ear.
Trayton ~ “Seriously. I can arrange that.”
Ava ~ “Can you do it now?”
Trayton ~ “Yes, I can do it right now.”
I get up and go pour her another glass of wine.
Ava ~ “Do you think we can go lay down for a bit?”
Trayton ~ “Yes, we can. Are you tired?”
Ava ~ “A little bit.”
I take her by the hand and take her to the bedroom; she is sitting on the edge of the bed while I take her shoes off. When she pulls me up by my shirt, I know that sleeping is not what she wanted.
Trayton ~ “Is this your idea of sleeping?”
Ava ~ “Yes, I am sleeping with you.”
Trayton ~ “In that case, I am going to insist that we sleep together more often.”
I take her body as mine, and I make love to her the whole night. I have never been a man that made love to a woman, but with her, it feels like we have been doing it for years. The way she makes me feel when I am deep inside her, the way her body forms a perfect rhythm to mine. Our skin is melting into each other, naked flesh against naked flesh, the heat burning between our bodies. The way she moans my name. There is craving, passion, and lust. She is mine, all mine.
The next morning I lock everything up, and we head back to the city.
Trayton ~ “Do you want to stop here to get something to eat?”
Ava ~ “It looks like a bar.”
Trayton ~ “It is, but it is also a restaurant. This is a small town, so they like putting things in things.”
Ava ~ “Almost like you did last night.”
Trayton ~ “Not really, but let’s agree it is.”
Ava ~ “You scared you going to lose an argument.”
Trayton ~ “I know I am going to lose an argument.”
Ava ~ “I am glad you learn so quickly.”
We head on into the bar to have something to eat before we make the long drive. We both have not had decent food in a very long time.
Ava ~ “Let me guess. Steak, egg, and chips.”
Trayton ~ “Of course, there is nothing better.”
Ava ~ “Does it taste better in small-town bars?”
Trayton ~ “Yes, definitely here. This is where my dad brought me for my very first steak.”
Ava ~ “And let’s guess you have eaten it since then.”
Trayton ~ “You guessed right. What you are having.”
Ava ~ “The same.”
Trayton ~ “You sure.”
Ava ~ “Yes, I think I might like steak almost as much as you.”
The waitress comes over to take our orders. It is a familiar voice.
Jacklyn ~ “Hey Trayton. You back this side again.”
Trayton ~ “Yes, was for a bit. My girlfriend Ava and I came out here.”
Jacklyn ~ “Nice to meet you, Ava.”
Ava ~ “Nice to meet you.”
Jacklyn ~ “Tray never brings girls home. You must be quite special.”
I know exactly what Jacklyn is doing, and I am putting a stop to it.
Trayton ~ “She is very special. In fact, we moving in together when we get home.”
Jacklyn ~ “Wow, that is serious for you.”
Trayton ~ “Well, I am serious about her. Now could you please get our orders and stop making my girlfriend feel uncomfortable.”
That puts a stop to her bullshit, and she leaves us in peace.
An hour later, we are ready to get on the road. She puts her seat down so that she can sleep while I hold her hand. I prefer watching her sleep when she is like this, happy.
She wakes up.
Ava ~ “How far are we?”
Trayton ~ “About an hour.”
Ava ~ “Damn, that’s long.”
Trayton ~ “We can drive faster.”
Ava ~ “No, I think you are already driving fast enough.”
Trayton ~ “Do you want to drive, then I can sleep.”
Ava ~ “Then we will never get home. I have no idea where we are.”
Trayton ~ “In a car on the road.”
Ava ~ “Don’t get clever with me.”
Trayton ~ “You forget that I am clever.”
Ava ~ “Only when it comes to certain things.”
Trayton ~ “What certain things?”
Ava ~ “Stop the car, and I will show you.”
I bring the car to a dead stop.
Ava ~ “What are you doing?”
Trayton ~ “You said I must stop the car.”
Ava ~ “I was joking.”
Trayton ~ “You not good at making jokes.”
She kisses me, and we sit there for the next twenty minutes kissing like teenagers would. Hearing her giggle as I bite her lip is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.
Ava ~ “Now we going to take even longer.”
Trayton ~ “It’s your fault.”
Ava ~ “Are you complaining?”
Trayton ~ “No, I want to do it again.”
We stay in each other’s embrace for a few minutes longer. I love this feeling, I love her, and I never want it to stop. It’s going to take me weeks to build up the courage again.
After what was possibly the most frustrating drive as she was teasing me to pure frustration, we are finally at home. As I am about to get out of the car, she pulls me back.
Ava ~ “Wait.”
Trayton ~ “What’s wrong? We can go somewhere else.”
Ava ~ “No, I am okay.”
Trayton ~ “Baby, what is wrong?”
Ava ~ “My answer is yes.”
Oh fuck.
Did she hear me say that I want to marry her?
Trayton ~ “Yes to what?”