The day came so fast and gone. I don’t know what day it was or what month it was. I don’t even remember when was the last time I smiled, I can’t even recognize the feeling of being happy and alive. And I came to the point that I couldn’t find anything in my heart. It was void.
Ellwood was still in Australia. I don’t know how long he’ll stay there. I also don’t have news regarding to Mom and Dad who’s still on their vacation.
I’ve been locking myself inside my room and not letting in any visitors, even Hezekiah.
Zuay and Tawin visited me more often. But even so, I just couldn’t stand up and go back to my old self.
I felt the door opened so I closed my eyes and fixed the blanket that was covered over me.
“The kids are here.” I heard a deep voice of Hezekiah behind my back.
I closed my eyes to the tightly, I still can’t forgive myself for what happened. It was my fault that my child died. I didn’t take care of myself and I let myself be too stressed with things.
I also want to blame Hezekiah. But what’s the use? It wouldn’t make my child be alive again if I blame him for everything.
“Tell them I’ll go down…” I uttered lowly.
I felt him staying behind me. He tried to open a conversation between us a lot of times but I dodged everything.
I heard him sigh before I heard his strides going out of the room.
Even if my body was too heavy, I forced myself to get up and take a shower. After I dressed up, I went downstairs.
“Ate Mary!” Zia and Kesha almost synchronized.
They greeted me with a tight hug.
“Wow, you’re all so tall already!” I ruffled their hair and forced a smile.
“Of course, I’m already a teenager. ” Zia said while subtly raising a brow at Kesha.
“Hmp, I’ll be as tall as you someday!” Kesha said and rolled her eyes.
I can’t help but to smile genuinely. Why not? Why don’t I try to find the things that makes me happy?
“Do you want pancakes? I’ll make you hot chocolate and pancakes. Let’s go?”
“Yes! Thank you, Ate!”
My smile was wide as I pulled them to the kitchen. They insisted to help me cook so I agreed.
After I made them pan cakes and hot chocolate, we went to the back part of the house where we saw Iseah and Hezekiah having a serious conversation.
“Kuya Zeki!”
They ran to Hezekiah who immediately carried their youngest, Kesha.
I silently placed the tray on the table and watched the two played. I was happy to see Kesha and Zia smile when they found out that their brother was still alive.
Hezekiah turned his face towards my direction. He whispered something on Kesha that made her smile.
I cut my gaze at them and chose to sit on one of the chairs. My head instantly raised at Iseah who was sat in front of me.
“How are you? ” he asked in a low tone.
I dropped my eyes on the food. I started placing the foods out of the tray and sipped my hot chocolate.
“Fine…” I timidly answered.
I noticed him crouched down and peeked at me so I raised my eyes.
“I know you’re in pain. But I’m glad hearing those words from you…” he muttered slowly.
I smiled a bit before glancing at Hezekiah who was still playing with the kids.
“The kids are happy to see him. It’s not yet too late for him to make up for everything, right?”
I dropped my gaze at the cup and swirled the hot choco around.
“I’m happy that he’s here now and won’t go away…” He added.
I looked at him. I know he’s just saying that to comfort me but I won’t be fooled anymore.
“I know it’s hard for you to believe what I’m saying but why don’t you give him a chance? After all, you’re still his wife and he’s your husband, right?” he said, trying to convince me.
I closed my eyes to ease the pain. Slowly, the days where everything wasn’t as complicated as this came back to me. The days where we’re just happy and unproblematic. My life almost perfect and contented with him. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow and nothing is too much to ask for him.
Even if I try to deny it, I really want us to go back to those days. But it’s not that easy. A lot had changed and a lot was lost. It’s too hard to accept everything especially that I feel like I don’t have someone to lean on or someone to hold on to.
I decided to stand up and informed them that I’ll rest in my room. I didn’t glance at Hezekiah who I knew stopped playing with the kids when I walked pass them.
I laid down my bed. I tried to stop it but my tears were stubborn.
I let myself be swallowed by sadness. I didn’t stop crying until I felt my eyelids getting heavy.
I wome up in a dark room. Only the light from the lampshade served as the light. I went downstairs to check if the kids already left.
I saw Hezekiah in the living room, sitting in front of the papers on the center table. I noticed him holding his head and massaging it. He was wearing at white sleeveless shirt and black shorts. Even if he looked so simple, my heart still thumped fast.
He immediately raised his gaze at me when he saw me walking down.
“Dinner is ready, do you want to eat? ” He stood up but didn’t move from his place.
“Did the kids go home?” My eyes went to the window while walking down.
“They just left, they didn’t wait for you to wake up. They needed to rest for school tomorrow. ” He answered.
I nodded and walked to the kitchen. I suddenly felt hungry when I smelled my favorite dish, Menudo.
“I let Trina have a day off, she asked for it because it’s her sibling’ s graduation. She’ll go back by monday.”
I slowly nodded, I faced the rice cooker and got the rice and placed it on the table. I chose to eat here because I’m more comfortable with a small table unlike before.
I glanced at him who was standing ny the doorway. He looked at me carefully, based on how I looked at him now. He totally gave me a soft kick in my stomach. I don’t know if it was just hunger or my emotions.
“Haven’t you eaten yet?” I asked him despite the silence.
He shook his head, “I’ll just finish my paper works. Eat first.”
I nodded. He came back to work as the president of our company a few weeks ago. He took over my position, even our Jewelry shop.
I didn’t hear anything from Alessandra. I didn’t ask him with those things. But if I think about it, he doesn’t really need to do these things. He already owned a lot like his newly established shipping line that he wants to compete with Echeverrii trading. He also has a construction company that he built under his name.
“You know, you don’t have to do this. I can do it myself. And you don’t need to go to the office. Tawin and Zuay can handle everything. You can go back to San Marcelino if you want to.” I said while my back was facing him.
He didn’t answer but I felt him coming to my direction. Until I felt him beside me, getting a glass and spoon.
I can’t help but to gasp because of his fresh scent and how his arm touched my skin.
“I’m still fixing things with Alessandra. We have a lot to talk about. But I have more important things to do here…” he said lowly.
I tried to breathe normally and carried my plate. I quickly turned around and cleaned the table.