Kade
Warning! Self-harm.
As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, no one escapes pain. That was what I felt the day I saw Esmeralda clad in Ava’s dress.
I thought nothing mattered anymore. I thought my emotions were in check. I thought I had grown immune to pain, but my world came crashing when Esmeralda innocently walked into my room that fateful evening in my late sister’s gown.
The gown I bought for her on the day of her eighteenth birthday, the night she found her mate. The night of our Pack’s Moon ceremony. The night of a great massacre in the Blood Moon Pack.
The night everyone was laying in the pool of their blood.
The night everyone set out to feast, but they were feasted on.
The night newly mated wolves lay beside their mates, promising themselves heaven and earth as they struggled to take their last breath.
The memory was still fresh in my head, so fresh like it happened yesterday. And the thought of it sent pain to my body in different directions, almost driving me insane.
Everyone had told me to be strong. An Alpha was never weak, never the one that showed emotion.
But was I strong enough?
Those memories were a gateway to my emotions and those emotions triggered bitter tears.
Except I don’t do tears.
Rather than showing my emotions, I masked my feelings and turned a cold shoulder to everyone, keeping them at arm’s length.
I thought I was strong, cold and ruthless, but Esmeralda’s presence confirmed the flexibility of my strength and I almost broke down before her.
Why was it always her that reminded me of my painful memories? Memories I wanted to be dead and forgotten.
First, it started with her being an Omega, but now she dared to wear my sister’s dress and even stay in her room.
Who gave her the audacity?
What have I done to deserve this, Moon goddess? Why must I be reminded of my pain every time?
Had I not been punished enough?!
As if it wasn’t enough, Esmeralda’s presence was a constant reminder that I was like her, broken, sad, and alone.
Don’t I deserve to be happy for once?
Taking a deep breath, I walked over to my reading table which had all sorts of documents scattered on it. A sigh escaped my lips when my hands found a small knife, lying innocently, waiting to be in use.
I thought I had gone past this stage. I couldn’t believe I would be doing this to myself. But I needed it.
I needed to feel the pain for the pain to leave me.
I needed torture.
“You don’t have to do this to yourself, Kade. It was not your fault. Neither was it her fault, you didn’t tell her which room to stay in, by the way, who would see a nice room and look past it?” Tyson cut in, disrupting my long line of thoughts.
Maybe he was right.
If I had told her of the room, she would have stirred clear of it. She was many things, but not disobedient and stubborn.
Grabbing the knife and flickering it open, a sad smile found its way to my lips as I pierced the knife deep into my skin.
That was for you, Ava.
I am sorry, you couldn’t enjoy what it felt like to have a mate.
Muffling a scream, I let the knife navigate its way into my flesh, as I pierced it deeper and pulled it to form a line that would later turn into a scar, ignoring the droplets of blood that ran through it, staining the floor.
Fuck!
I should have been with you, Ava, I should have protected you. But I couldn’t.
I should have stayed.
Please, forgive me.
Satisfied with the amount of pain I had inflicted on myself, I tossed the knife out of view and walked into the bathroom.
When I was done bathing, I got clad in my usual black top, black leather jacket, black jeans and black boots, carefully covering the injury I caused on my hand to avoid gossip and fake pity flying from every corner.
I didn’t need anyone’s pity.
I dashed down the stairs, out of the house till I came face to face with a gravestone.
Ava’s grave.
My heart bled at the sight of it.
I wasn’t going to see my sister anymore.
I blinked back the tears that burned the back of my eyes, struggling to be free as I didn’t want to be caught in tears by the members of my Pack. Nothing screams weak and vulnerable like an Alpha in tears.
I wasn’t weak and vulnerable.
Minutes turned into hours as I stood there, watching my once beautiful sister reduced to dust. I wish I could bring her back, but nothing could be done.
I tore my gaze from her, getting busy plucking flowers.
Pink rose. Ava’s favourite.
Ava had always been a lover of pink which disgusted me a lot when she was alive. But now, I didn’t mind staining my hands in pink paint just to have her back.
After plucking two colours of rose, pink rose and black rose, I carefully laid the bouquet on her grave and took the remaining ones to her room, repeating the process, except this time, I placed the fresh flowers in a flower vase and discarded the withered ones.
I had always done it in memory of her.
A wave of satisfaction swept through me as I found the pink room empty as it should be.
No one should be here. Not even Esmeralda.
My heart softened a bit as I pictured Esmeralda tendering her apology.
It sounded so genuine that I almost believed it.
Did it come from her heart? Or she wanted to punish me by reminding me of Ava.
Afraid of betraying any emotions in her presence, I sent her away, refusing to speak nor see anyone and I was glad the members of my Pack understood the message and left me alone
Walking out of Ava’s room as I headed to mine, intentionally avoiding the path that led to the North wing, I laid on my bed, with my head filled with thoughts, unable to sleep.
After hours of tossing and turning, I felt a bit dizzy, but a scream chased my sleep away and I was forced to open my eyes.
I recognized that scream at once.
It was her.
She was at it again. But what triggered her?
Dashing out of my room, I wasted no time in bursting into the North wing to find what was wrong. I knew I shouldn’t be there, but somehow, that scream sounded different, I knew something was wrong.
Horror replaced my curiosity as I stood face to face with Esmeralda, kneeling before her.
Fear replaced the horror as the girl’s chain ran down her body, leaving her free.
Rage, horror, and fear filled me to the brim as I locked my gaze on her.
Did she unlock the girl?!
Why would she do that?!
She was going to get hurt. No doubt.
“What did you do to her?” My voice thundered angrily, but she was too weak to explain.
How did she get in?
Wasn’t the wing locked?
Why did she enter the North wing even when I ordered her not to?
Why was she disobedient?
“Get away from her, now!” I ordered, using my Alpha tone, but before she could comprehend the message, her legs gave out and her body crashed loudly and collapsed on the cold floor.