What a cruel mother I was to leave my own child behind. My heart is pounding while I was what I just did. I am in a rush to find my way home.
What if he wanted his mother beside him? What if he couldn’t sleep without me?
“I’m sorry, Eaden, mommy will be home.” I said to myself while rushing toward home. I couldn’t stand what I did to my child. My mind is restless overthinking about what happened.
I ran all the way just to be home in a fastest way I could.
When I got home, Haden was sitting on the couch, carrying the baby in his arms. While Eaden was already asleep.
Berry told me that Eaden had cried himself to sleep.
I stared at Haden, him with those red eyes that seems to be tired from crying.
Carefully, I carried my baby upstairs, I walk gently toward the room. I opened the door, and laid him on the bed.
I held onto the edge of Eaden’s bed and quietly watched him fall asleep with my heart stirring inside.
“I’m sorry baby, mommy will never leave again, I’m a worse mommy. ” I whispered quietly to myself.
I grabbed his little hands, I felt the love of a mother through my heart as I feel tears falling out of my eyes.
The next day Haden left early in the morning. As the clock runs its time, the day has ended, sun had set and darkness overshadowed the day. However, Haden never came back in the evening.
A few days passed, and the tabloid news disappeared after a week in a row.
One morning, I saw him in a high-fashion suit with shiny leather shoes. He looks good being in an elegant aura. He is well dressed and ready. A man of distinguished temperament can still handle to look very good even.
“I feel fine after seeing you came home last night. It took you a night away” I took the initiative in talking to him first. He was silent, as if he didn’t hear me talk. He is totally ignoring me.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I insisted to him.
Haden looked at me emptily and added, “I don’t want to talk with you about divorce or the like, it’s morning. I don’t want to spoil my day.”
I froze for a moment, then replied hurriedly, “I wasn’t thinking about divorce.” I told him in a gentle voice.
He looked at me for a second, staring me at the eye and said gently, “You weren’t thinking about the divorce? So what do you want to talk about?”
He didn’t say anything after saying those, having no emotions at all, his eyes kept falling on me.
“He’s still angry,” I understand, I said to myself. I can feel the ambiance being covered with coldness and hatred.
“Eaden is too young, he is still dependent to you, he needs his mother. Why are you so cruel and brave enough to leave him?” he said coldly as if he couldn’t move on to what I did.
“After all this time we’ve spent together, don’t you have any feelings for me at all? Don’t you have any faith in me? Is that all the affection you’ve got for me?”
The small room was filled with his strong aura, his angry eyes gave a threatening stare. Giving off a strong sense of oppression in the environment.
“Do you?” He choked out a sob.
“You never had any feelings for me? Do you?” I was silent for a moment, freezing myself in front of him.
I don’t even know if I had any feelings for Haden either. I didn’t really know myself much. What I did was just sticking to our agreement while trying to protect my child. I am having a hard time because really, I didn’t want to be separated from my child. My heart and being is already attached to my child being his mother.
I took a deep breath, stilled the storm inside me, and then in a very calm tone I said to him, “Well, I probably don’t have any feelings for you. After all, everything we got is for our child’s sake from the beginning.”
The strong aura seemed to have cracked, the strength that was in him weakened. His eyebrows contained anger, however, the corners of his mouth curved into a smile. As if he is hiding his true emotions.
“So the truth is that you have no feelings for me at all since then? I don’t think so.” he asked me smiling, containing his wrath that time.
“You really pushing me to bring out things about you.” He reached out his hands, his warm hands crawled around my waist. I was sitting on his lap, my slender and thin waist pressing toward his torso. Upon his pull on me toward him, it brought us to the situation where a flame can ignite between our body. His soft lips pressed toward mine. We are kissing each other in a way that my head was bowing toward his lips.
I was startled a bit and unconsciously blocked him. I asked him firmly, “What are you doing?” Being a woman, no matter how hard I try resisting, I accept the fact that I am still not strong enough.
He threw me on the bed, my petite body bounced into the soft texture of his mattress. His body with big frame pressed against mine. I can feel his body is starting to flare up. He tucked my hands over my head, gripping my wrist firmly that I can’t resist. Without him saying a word, he greeted using his soft lips. He kissed me passionately that our lips begun to move up and downward. The burning sensation caused me to respond regarding on my will.
“I’m going to try and find out if you really don’t feel anything for me at all.” He is grinning like he really loves to devour me as his prey. Maybe he is doing this to clarify how I really feel for him.
He puckered my lips and kissed me hard. Our lips intertwined with each other, at first I resisted but his strength to grip my hands is something I am not capable to hinder. He helds my hands tightly, I couldn’t resist at all. Finally, I just gave up and didn’t move, I allowed him to what he wanted to do with my body with liberty.
“Don’t you really feel anything? You don’t really like me at all? Don’t you have any affection towards me?” He is doing it harshly but I can see the insistence in his eyes. Is he really expecting me to say that I love him?
“I don’t like you, you’re not my type, I never liked you, and I never will” I strongly made him believe my words. My voice exerts convincing tone. I repeated it many times in order that he will believe it.
Haden’s POV
At that moment, even if I did it harshly, I am still interested to know the truth. However, upon hearing her words, I suddenly understood that she really didn’t love me, not at all.
She doesn’t really love me, she is not even willing to look at me during the time I kissed. Maybe, that’s why every time we make love, she closes her eyes. By the reason that she doesn’t like seeing me. She never loved me ever since, so every time I make a little mistake, she pushes me away. It seems I made a huge one and always tells me to “go away”.
After all, it doesn’t matter how good I’ve been for her.
Maybe it is fate’s will that she will never loved me, even though I tried my everything just to get her marry me, she never loved me.
She was so reasonable. Why would I think that she would like me more or less? After all this time, loving each other wasn’t such a thing destined from the very start.
That is why she never wanted to be with me. Because of the reason that she didn’t like me from the start. Now I know that she didn’t have any feelings for me. Even if we have been together for such a long time.
I closed my eyes, processing the things that is happening on us right now. I suddenly felt pain radiating from my ribs, it is painful that it caused me roll my body. It feels like that I had been punched really hard. It really hurts even just when I breath. I don’t know how long will it last.