My mother suddenly stood up with a stiff stance. “If that tattoo guy of yours does all of these drugs you will be staying twenty feet away from him every living second.”
I gulped and nodded. “But I don’t think he does all of that.”
“You know how I feel about addictions Joanna.” My mother snapped.
And I kept quiet, I felt the same way. I just hoped Ace did no drugs. He had said he didn’t do, hopefully he wasn’t lying.
“I should call Dylan.” Janice whispered, taking out her phone from her back pocket.
I sighed, should I call Bryan? No, I would breakdown. But what if he’s not okay?
“I’ll ask how he is.” Janice said to me, noticing my dilemma as she went upstairs.
“Ask about Max too.” Brittany shouted as she shifted through the channels, searching for more information on the drug attack.
“How did we get into this?” Logan grumbled, leaning back on his chair.
“Because Joanna fell in love.” Alan answered, making me choke on air.
“I am not in love.” I protested, looking for any sign of my mom but she was fortunately in the kitchen.
Alan and Logan both snorted.
“You guys have sexual tension that is off charts, you guys kissed and you loved it, you lied to your mom for staying in the same room with him, you became jealous after hearing about that girl, you left him because you were hurt not angry. And even after all this you still care for him, my theory says these are the symptoms of love.” Logan said proudly.
I froze as my mind processed the words and then replayed them. Could it be possible? I knew Logan was right; I left because I was hurt but it was easier saying I was angry.
Hurt means you care, anger means you don’t, not much.
I remembered the feelings that ignited inside me every time he was near me. I felt safe, secure, loved and happy with him. I could trust him easily. Yes, there weren’t way too many sparks- the ones that were described in a love story- but my heartbeat did rise and fall unevenly. I did feel my stomach clench and do somersaults whenever he was close, I did feel goose bumps at his mere touch. His kisses made my brain freeze and want more.
Being with him was like walking into an unrevealed territory. I never knew what would happen next, I could climb up a mountain or fall into a deep pit, I could see flowers and rivers or go through a catastrophe. It was unpredictable and unusual yet I loved the journey. If this isn’t love I don’t know what is.
So yes, I reached to the conclusion that I, Joanna Williams was in love with Bryan Cooper, but there was a slightly major problem – he didn’t love me back.
“Jo, he wants to talk to you.” Janice said, standing in front me, breaking my thoughts.
I glanced at the phone in her hand and gulped. Great he just had to talk now, after I have faced this world shattering news. Yay.
I took the phone with a shaky hand and Janice sent me a reassuring look. I waited until I was in my locked room before pressing the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I whispered tentatively.
“Muffin.” A breath of relief form Ace. “How are you?”
Distressed, down in dumps, almost crying. “Fine and you?”
“Better now.”
“Was it you?” I asked, my fingers crossing on my lap.
I didn’t have to explain what I was talking about. He knew I had seen the news. “Someone had to do, but it wasn’t me. I told Max to call, he is safe. We did a good job.”
I bit my lip, mom’s words ringing in my head. I gathered all my courage and blurted out in one breath. “Do you still do drugs?”
He paused, “No Joanna. I told you I was never addicted, I just did it because all did and I was curious. And no, I didn’t try all of those. I know they are hazardous.” He let out an aggravated breath.
“I was just asking.” I said, defending myself.
He didn’t say anything. Just when I thought he had cut the call, he spoke. “Are we good now?”
Are we? Nope.
“Did you meet Anastasia?” I asked instead.
“You don’t answer a question with another one.” He replied.
“Answer me, Bryan.”
“Yes.” He sighed.
I blinked away the tears. He still loved her. . . Fuck.
“I uh- need to go.” I said my voice cracking.
“Shit! Muffin, are you crying?” He sounded alarmed. Don’t call me muffin, it makes me feel special and that gives me false hope!
“No, my throat is dry. I’ll talk to you later.” I muttered, wiping my eyes.
“Are you still angry with me?”
“No.” I breathed out. I am hurt.
“You are, Joanna. Just tell me why.” His pleaded.
A tear rolled down my cheek. “I was angry Bryan, but not much.”
“Then?”
“I was hurt, I still am.” I whispered, wiping away the second tear.
“Don’t cry Joanna. Please.” He beseeched, his voice rough with unshed emotions.
I couldn’t stop another tear from flowing. “I need to go. Bye Bryan.” I exhaled heavily.
“Muffin.” He said in an almost painful tone. “We didn’t do anything.”
I swallowed hard. “You still love her, Bryan.”
“No, I don’t. We just met and-”
“I don’t want to now.” I lied, I wasn’t sure I could hear the next words.
He breathed slowly. “Hurting you was never my intention.”
My fingers gripped the bed sheet tightly. “Yeah well, you did.”
“I am sorry, really sorry.”
“Me too.”
“I miss you, muffin.”
That was my breaking point. I lifted the phone away from my ear as I let out a strangled cry. I miss you too, so fucking much that it physically hurts. “Oh.”
There was a pause. “Do you?” I knew he meant if I missed him too.
I nodded my head. “Maybe.”
He let out a short chuckle. “You voice screams definitely.”
Despite myself I smiled. “Maybe.”
“Will things ever be the same?” His voice filled with worry.
I gulped. “You can try.”
“I will.” He promised.
I sighed. “I should go, bye.” I said and cut the call, throwing the phone on the bed.
I leaned back and let the tears finally flow freely. I had no idea what to make out of the conversation I just had. He met Anastasia which means he still loves her, right? And if he loves her where does that make me stand? I vaguely remembered his words, we’ll never be friends. Did he practically mean it? I doubt since he just confessed on missing me. Or was that too a lie?
I rubbed my forehead in compete stress. This is so confusing and they say girls are confusing. I scoffed at the realization I had had minutes back, loving him, a guy who loves another girl. Could life get any worse?
I rolled on the bed as I felt my phone vibrate under my back. ‘I will try and succeed. We will be more than friends.’ – Bryan. I automatically smiled at his name and suddenly I felt that maybe there was no Anastasia, maybe she was gone for good but I couldn’t be sure. I wanted to see how much Ace could do to prove his words.
I was going to make him go through a girl’s loudest cry- the silent treatment.