The week had passed the same and it’s my last exam tomorrow. After tomorrow, he won’t be here anymore. Just the thought of I won’t be seeing him regularly was making me go mad. Though there was Anna with me all the day, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. After she left, I sat on my bed looking at my cell phone where his contact was displaying on the screen. No he didn’t call me. I opened his contact to call him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hug him and shout ‘Don’t go, Harry’. But why would he listen to me? I wondered if he loved me atleast for a second in his life. With all the thinking, I did what I always did. Turned off my cell phone and lay on the bed. The next day, after my exam, I almost walked near him to talk to him but again I backed off.
I noticed few people saying their good byes to their friends, few were planning what they would do after that day, few were smiling and few were crying. The only thing that lasts long was memories and we have to live with them till the end. My eyes started to fill with water looking at Harry. He was also staring at me without breaking his gaze. With his gaze, everything that happened till then started to flash in my head and I shifted my gaze blinking. I could feel the warm tears rolling on my cheeks. I wiped my tears and looked back to see him but he was not there. He was left.
Anna finished her exam and we both walked to our houses.
“I’m gonna take rest for a month, Stella. I’m so fed up with all the studying.” She said looking so relaxed.
I simply nodded my head to her sentence and kept quiet. She asked “Thinking about Harry?”
I nodded my head as negative and started to control my tears that were ready to fall down.
She put her palm on my shoulder saying “You are just a call away to him and few miles away to his house. You can still talk to him if you want.”
“It’s not like I want to talk to him but it’s… I don’t want to lose him. And he won’t listen to me, Anna.”
“Stella…” she tried to say something but I cut her off in the middle as I would cry definitely if I talk about it more.
She kept quiet and we both reached our homes. I ran to my bedroom and sat on the bed crying burying my face between my palms. Why did everything happen to me? Why did I love him? All the questions had been eating me alive. I turned on the music to deviate myself from his thoughts but it was not working. Then I started to draw, read a book, sleep, nothing was working. It’s like all my head was filled with only him. Whatever I see, whatever I listen to, whatever I think, it’s only Harry. Years of trying to forget him didn’t work then how could the music or drawing helps.
By this time the next day, he would be in his city. Then he would be leaving to another country and he would forget me totally. I didn’t notice the time but I was sure I’d been crying for hours. I started to go insane with all the thinking. I pulled my hair to relieve my frustration. I started to lose my control and stood from the bed to go to Anna’s house because it’s the only way I could control myself.
Washing my face, I stepped out of my room. I told my mother that I would be back in few hours as I was going to Anna’s house. I reached her house and saw Scarlett aunt laughing with Anna. Even Scarlett aunt was reminding me of him.
“Stella?” Anna came forward and we both went to her room after I greeted her mother.
“Stella, what happened?” She asked looking at me with a worried face.
I hugged her tightly crying. She rubbed my back consoling me but I couldn’t control myself. She made me sit on the bed and she sat beside me holding my hand.
“Calm down, Stella. Control yourself.”
“I can’t, Anna. I can’t anymore.” Saying that I kept crying.
“What happened to you, Stella? Are you thinking about Harry?”
I nodded my head saying “He is leaving tomorrow and he will forget me later. I don’t want him to leave, Anna.”
She held my face asking “You said you don’t want to suffer anymore. You said you are forgetting him.”
“They are all lies.” I shouted while crying. “Lies, Anna. The lies I’d been telling to myself. I thought I could forget him. I thought I could move on from him. I thought many things but I can’t. I really can’t.”
Anna let out a sigh confused. She asked “What do you want now, Stella?”
I looked into her eyes saying “I want him. I want Harry. I want to talk to him but I’ve no words. I want to express my feelings to him but I can’t.”
“How do you feel now? What are your feelings, Stella?” She asked narrowing her eyebrows.
“I feel like someone is choking me. I could hardly breath, Anna. I feel like my soul is leaving from me.”
“Then talk to him, Stella. Call him.” She scoffed.
“That is what my problem is. I want to talk to him but he won’t listen. I want to express my feelings but he won’t feel them. I love him but he won’t love me back. Our relationship can’t get any better.”
“But it won’t get any worse, right?” She said looking at me.
She held my hand asking “Did you ever feel like Harry loves you?”
I scoffed hearing her and replied “If he had loved me then I wouldn’t be facing any of these things.”
“Stella, I don’t know why but I feel like you should talk to him once. Just let out your feelings.”
“Why? To get my heart broken. I just want to ask him if he ever loved me, Anna.”
“You are already broken, Stella. How much you can get broken anymore? If you don’t talk to him today, you may not get the chance again. Talk to him, shout at him, ask him and do everything you want to do before it gets too late. But once you did, make sure you will be peaceful from today else there would be point in doing anything.”
I nodded my head saying “I will ask him. If he says he never loved me or he never felt such feelings atleast once, I won’t disturb him ever in my life. I won’t even think about him, I promise.”
“Call him.” She said.
I took out my cell phone and called him but he didn’t lift my call. I tried again but he was not answering.
“He won’t lift my calls.” I cried.
She became silent hearing me. I could see she was lost for words to convince me and talk to me anymore. I wiped my tears saying “If he won’t lift my calls then I’ll go and meet him. What’s the big deal?”
I stood from the bed and made my steps towards the exit.
“Stella!” Anna walked to me asking “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes.” I nodded my head and before she spoke another word I ran from there and started to Harry’s house ignoring the fact that it’s already night.