Alex’s POV –
I pay the taxi fare, my vision blurred as I hand over the crumpled up notes. The driver gives me a sympathetic look, taking the money from my shaking palm.
“Keep the change,” I say to him, my words slurred. He nods, mumbling a thanks as I leave the taxi, shutting the door softly behind me. I blow out a deep breath, my body trembling as I take a slow step onto the pavement. The sky is pitch black but the moon is brighter than ever, contrasting against it beautifully. I look up, my head swaying. It’s beautiful and a sight like this should put a smile on my face but it doesn’t. The low chatters of people around me buzz into one dull noise and I groan, cradling my head where a deep headache is beginning to brew. No doubt from the alcohol soaked into my body.
I turn around and inhale sharply, blinking several times so that the building can clear up in my vision. It’s tall, looming over me intimidatingly.
I’ve always hated hospitals.
I shove my hands into my pockets and begin walking slowly towards the entrance. My movements are scattered and I can barely walk straight but I focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Taking it step by step makes it seem possible and before I know it, I’m standing directly outside her door. My hands tremble as they land on the handle and I close my eyes, picturing her reaction.
I haven’t seen her for days.
I haven’t slept for days, I haven’t ate for days. All I’ve done is wallow in self pity and hatred for myself. I’ve drank myself into a dark state of mind and I don’t remember the last time I was sober. I feel a burning sensation build up inside my eyes and before I can understand what’s happening, a tear falls down my cheek. I reach up hastily and wipe it away, hating my-self that little more for being so broken.
I need to make this right, I need to do something worthwhile before I lose my damn mind.
I push the handle down and the door swings open, revealing her room. My eyes float over to the bed I’ve watched her lie in for hours. It’s empty.
I frown and step inside the room, scanning it from top to bottom. Any trace of Ariana has completely disappeared . . . It’s like she was never here at all.
“Hermosa?” I whisper into the empty room, my voice floating away into nothing. Moments pass and the room remains exactly the same. I don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe for a miracle to happen where she’d appear in front of me and forgive me for everything I’ve done to her.
I stumble inside the room, the door swinging shut behind me. My eyes remain fixed on the bed and a huge wave of loneli-ness washes over my heart. I don’t know where she is. I don’t know whether she’s alive. I don’t know anything because I haven’t been here.
“I left her,” I mumble to myself, the alcohol beginning to shut my system down. I continue stumbling forward towards her bed and when I reach it, I collapse forward onto the sheets. I grip onto them with my shaking hands, placing my head down as I desperately try to imagine her sweet face.
You left her Alejandro.
“I’m a bad person,” I mumble incoherently, silent tears streaming down my cheeks. They slip away onto the hospital bed sheets, staining them with my sorrow and pain. I remain lying on the bed for what seems like an eternity until I eventually drift away, the alcohol in my system finally taking over.
*****
Ariana’s POV –
“Ariana, honey. You have to try and get some rest, doctors orders remember?” Dad murmurs, stroking his hand over my hair. I mumble an agreement, my eyes wide open and staring aimlessly at the television screen. I can’t sleep, not anymore.
The nightmares come fast, waiting for me to close my eyes so they can finally eat me up. It’s like a silent but deadly mon-ster following me around during the day until night time arrives. With the darkness comes the night terrors. I’ve had them for as long as I can remember but now it’s beyond anything I ever imagined. Nightmares of being trapped in a dark hole, locked away like an animal merge into nightmares of my biological father.
Closing my eyes isn’t an option anymore.
The hours of the night drag out into what seems like forever so I now remain wide awake, refusing to give into sleep. Deep lines dip into my skin under my eyes that are permanently brimmed with redness. Sometimes I find myself hallucinating, imagining monsters that aren’t there.
“I’m going to bed, do you need anything before I go?” Dad asks me, sympathy and worry etched into his features. I numb-ly shake my head, fear beginning to seep inside my mind. I don’t like to be left alone but I know my parents can’t spend the rest of their lives glued to my hip. I glance upwards, the life drained from my eyes as I look at my adoptive father.
“Goodnight Dad,” I whisper. He smiles softly at me, leaning down to place a kiss on my head. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent, safe and warm.
“Goodnight sweetheart. If you need me or your mother during the night, you come straight to our room.” He tells me firm-ly and I nod. I watch as he begins climbing the stairs, leaving me alone in the living room. The faint buzz of the television is my only company and I pull the blanket around me tighter, reminding myself that I’m safe.
Seconds turn to minutes and eventually minutes turn to hours.
My mind drifts off to think about Alex. Immediately I feel pain and embarrassment hit me straight in the heart. He simply left my hospital room a few days ago and didn’t come back. I wasn’t expecting that.
I’ve called and text him but there’s been no reply.
Eventually I decided to admit that he left. He left me because I’m completely broken. I’m not the same fun Ariana that he met . . . I’ve completely transformed. I jump at the slightest noise, I hate the darkness with a passion and I’m constantly in a different world to everyone else. I may be sat right next to someone but I’m not really there. I’m still locked away in that room, talking to the walls and singing songs to soothe myself.
Despite coming to terms with Alex’s sudden departure from my life, I miss him. I close my eyes and remember the way he embraced me and told me he loved me. I spent weeks yearning for him, waiting for the day when we’d finally be reunited. I didn’t expect him to break my heart and leave me alone.
The first tear escapes my eye and slides down my cheek followed by another and another. Before I know it, I’m sobbing silently, my entire body shaking. My vision blurs and my body sinks further into the sofa, completely exhausted and sleep deprived. My existence has been spent in darkness and agony but when I met Alex, I thought he was the light I’ve craved my entire life. I shake my head, unable to believe I was so naive and stupid.
Maybe I’m destined to live on the dark side forever.