After a few moments she could breathe again, her vision cleared and the buzzing in her ears faded, but she was exhausted. She just leaned her head against his and felt him against her, told herself that he was there and he was fine and he will be fine even if it meant she’d be going out on the field with him. She’d had his back before, she can do it again. She would do it again, in a heartbeat. But what about Katya?
“No, no we were doing great baby. Just breathe.”
She nodded jerkily, doing as he instructed.
“Hell baby, if my working at the counte-terrorism unit does this to you, I’ll ride a desk.”
She wanted to say thank God, but she knew Derek would hate it. Danger made up half of his DNA and she wouldn’t be the one to gut him. She loved him enough to let him do what he wanted and enough to become religious and take to her knees every time he got called out for the big things, because he sure as hell will be giving her a heads up when he went out to risk his life.
She loved him. Dear God how much I love him!
He kept one arm wrapped around her waist, holding her securely against him and up on her feet. With the other he pushed gently at her shoulder until she dislodged her grip on him and he could look her in the eye. His were filled with worry despite the smile he spotted on his lips. She could tell what he saw. A flashed faced blurry eyed woman who looked scared to death, because that was how she felt. Loving him scared her because she knew he was the only one who could break her.
“Are you okay?” she nodded and he mimicked her. “Good,” he pressed his lips against hers in several light kisses before he touched his forehead to hers, “Fuck baby, you scared me.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered her voice a little strangled.
“Do you have panic attacks often?”
She shook her head slowly from side to side, “No. I used to when I was fifteen till I was eighteen, more times than I could count. Then that time when you were taken,” she didn’t finish, he knew what she was talking about by how he stiffened, “it was silly considering I barely knew you then, but the thought of… I’m sorry, but this is why I locked away my emotions, why I fought to stay detached and cold!”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed her hugging her to him. With a sigh he said, “It looks like I’m going to have to find another job.”
She shook her head, “No. This is what you do. I will deal with it like a normal person and I promise to try not to follow you on your missions.” He threw his head back and laughed loud and hard that he lost his footing and they staggered. She punched his arm, “I’m serious.”
“I know. That’s why I’m laughing!”
“All good here?” Alonzo asked, stepping into her view.
“It’s fine dad,” Derek answered still laughing.
Alonzo nodded even as he looked at her, his eyes boring into her like he was trying to see the truth on her face. Did that mean he’d noticed her panic attack? She felt her cheeks burn. That was so embarrassing!
“Don’t worry sweetheart, no one else noticed.”
“Al, I love you.” Elaine blurted out. Both his brows shot up and he glanced at Derek before he looked back at her. Yeah, she never used that word unless it was with Katya. “But right at this moment, I don’t like you very much.”
He grunted his understanding, “happens to me all the time, especially with the wife. So he told you about the job?”
“No, Luciana did, who must have found out from Daniel,” she glared up at Derek, “Why he found out before me is the million dollar question.”
Derek harrumphed, ‘That’s easy. I was sure you were going to take out my other knee and I needed advice on safe ways to break it to you.”
“The boy has a point there,” Alonzo echoed. “But I promise, he’s safer with this job than he was with his last.”
Elaine leaned her head against Derek’s chest, right over his heartbeat and let the heavy thump sooth her, and reassure her. If something were to happen to him, she would reign holy hell never seen before on everyone involved and that was a promise.
****