OLIVIA…
Guilt wanted to nibble its way into my mind. I hated that what Jim felt for me had hurt him and that my connection with him would only bring him more pain. I wished I could see his face to know how he was looking at me right then. Was he angry? Frustrated? I couldn’t tell based off of his movements.
“We need to work on your memories,” Jim said, sounding different from how he had a moment ago.
I studied the shadows around him. They seemed the same, not giving me any clue as to the cause for Jim’s sudden change.
“What do you mean?”
“Your happy ones. You need more of them. Let’s do something fun today.”
Fun? We didn’t have time for fun.
“We need to—”
“Have fun,” he said. “Isabelle is going to try to help Bethi figure out what she’s missing in her dreams. We can’t do anything about the Judgement without that, right? And everyone else is doing their own thing while we wait. Emmitt and Michelle will be busy with Christmas shopping. Clay needs rest and Gabby.”
“We’re going to go see a movie,” Charlene said from across the room.
“We are?” Henry asked, sounding confused.
I smiled slightly as I understood what Jim and his family were doing. Giving me a chance to do something more than worry about what the next few days would bring. Would it be so terrible for me to take some time for myself? To experience a fun moment that I could hold onto during what would come next? I couldn’t recall a single fun moment in my life. Not one. And, I wanted one.
My heart gave an excited beat at the idea.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked Jim.
“Everything you’re doing is to save the world. Do you know what you’re saving?”
“No. I don’t. I didn’t leave Blake’s property until I came to find the other Judgements.”
“Would you like to see more? Let’s go downtown. It will be safe with all of the people around us. You can walk on crowded streets, shop, and eat dinner with me. What do you say?”
“Yes.”
Jim’s hand closed over mine, and he lifted it to his mouth. The brush of his lips against my fingers set my heart racing. I struggled to suppress what I felt and waited for Blake’s irritation. None came. I relaxed and let myself enjoy the moment.
“Finish eating, and I’ll walk you back to the room so you can change.”
He released my hand and set my fingers on my fork. My heart warmed at his consideration. While he finished what was left on Michelle’s plate, I finished my breakfast. It had to be the first meal I’d ever consumed to the last crumb.
He took our plates, threw them away, then came back to walk with me. As soon as we reached the hall, his fingers laced through mine. My pulse jumped again.
“Jim, you really shouldn’t do that.”
“I don’t mind sticky fingers,” he said. He surprised me by lifting my hand again. This time his lips didn’t brush my knuckles. His tongue swiped across the pads of my fingers. I shivered at the sensation.
“Please,” I said. “I’m having a hard time holding my reactions back. Blake will notice.”
“Good.” He kissed my fingers then started walking again, still holding my hand.
“Not good. If he grows suspicious, he’ll come here.”
“Let him.”
I let my anger free and tugged my hand from his grip. Jim stopped and inhaled deeply.
“Mmm, our first fight,” he said, stepping closer. “You smell delicious even when you’re angry. Let’s hurry through this part so we can get to the making up part.”
My mouth dropped open, and thoughts of lecturing about what would happen if Blake chose to come too soon evaporated.
“Why are you acting like this?” I said finally. “This isn’t you.”
He reached up and ran a finger down my cheek.
“Actually, this is the real me. I choose not to let serious situations rob life of its fun and beauty. Of its potential to be more than the current moments make us believe it will be. You’re right that we don’t know each other yet. But we will. Come on. Let’s get you changed.”
Embrace this moment, daughter, the Lady whispered.
He gently tugged on my hand, and with the Lady’s encouragement, I let him have his way.
In our room, he led me to my bag. Instead of letting me feel my way through the clothes, he took charge.
“What would you like to wear today?” he asked. “There’s a pretty pink sweater in here that feels soft.” He held up the sweater, looking at it. “It should be thick enough to hide the fact you’re not wearing a bra, too.”
A small noise escaped me.
“It’s okay. I like that you’re not wearing one.” His voice took on a husky tone. “A lot.” His fingers brushed over my collarbone and down a few inches, making my heart hammer. Before I could tell him to stop, he removed his hand.
“But, I don’t want all the other males to know.”
He turned away and pulled something else from the bag while I stood there with my mouth still hanging open.
“And these white leggings would look nice with it. Do you need help changing?”
“No.”
“You sure? With the cuts on your back, it must be hard lifting the shirt over your head. I could do that for you. With your back to me, of course.”
I breathed through my nose, trying to calm myself and collect my thoughts.
“You’re making my head spin,” I said.
“In a good way, I hope.”
“I’m not sure yet. I’m not used to this level of attention. You’re a bit overwhelming.”
“Overwhelming is better than underwhelming.”
I could hear the amusement in his words and smiled despite myself.
“I’m serious about the shirt. I don’t want you to hurt yourself changing,” he said.
“But, I don’t want you to hurt yourself by helping. You saw through my shirt and fell to the ground. I hugged you, and you fell to the ground. All of this time you’re spending at my feet is going to give me a complex.”
He laughed, a sound so full of humor that I couldn’t help but join in.
“I won’t fall down this time,” he promised as he gently turned me away from him.
He took the sweater from my hands and set it on the bed. Then, standing so close that I could feel the heat of him at my back, he gently eased my borrowed shirt up. His fingers skimmed my ribs, making me tremble again.
Not believing I was doing this, I carefully raised my arms and let him work the shirt over my head. With his help, I’d barely felt a twinge on my back. Yet, now I stood before him, bare from the waist up. Facing away, sure, but still in the same room. Still within reach. What would it feel like to have his fingers explore my skin now? I struggled to keep any hint of excitement from my mind and tried to think of something else. Something less dangerous.
“Here comes the new top,” he said. His voice seemed more growl than words.
“Are you okay?”
“I’ve never been better. You are so beautiful, Olivia. And, I’m grateful you’re mine.”
The last comment made me swallow hard. I couldn’t be his. Not the way he wanted. Pushing that thought aside, I focused on the first part he’d said.
“You’re staring at my scratched back and think I’m beautiful? You might need to get out more than I do.”
He chuckled.
“Lift your arms again.”
My heart skipped a beat when I did as he asked. His fingers drifted lightly up my sides, tracing the outside of my arms until he reached my hands. I fought not to let myself feel.
We were playing a dangerous game. Not just with the emotions I was struggling to keep at bay so Blake wouldn’t know, but with Jim’s safety. I didn’t understand how he wasn’t already on his knees gasping for air.
With care, he eased the sweater on. The soft, fuzzy material skimmed over my skin as he slowly drew it down. Unable to stop it, a shiver coursed through me. Everything felt too heightened and sensitive now. And I craved more.
When he finished, he eased my hair from the back of the sweater and set it over my shoulder. He moved closer, his legs brushing against my butt as the weight of his hands settled on my shoulders. I barely breathed, waiting for what he’d do next.
His lips grazed the exposed skin at the back of my neck just above the sweater.
I gasped.
He placed a lingering kiss there before moving to a new spot, just an inch above the first one.
With a strangled moan, I stepped forward, away from him and his tempting touch.
“If you keep doing that, I’m going to ask to stay with Winifred tonight and not go anywhere with you.” I couldn’t help the way my voice shook as I spoke. I was struggling.
He sighed heavily behind me.
“You’re right. Too soon.”