JIM…
My chest continued to ache dully from when she’d first stepped out of the bathroom in her white, threadbare t-shirt. I hadn’t given a single thought to the Urbat or saving my kind. A goddess had stood before me, and all I’d wanted to do was worship her. Still did. Hearing her call with Blake and seeing her expression had removed any remaining doubt. She’d been his prisoner, too. And continued to be one because of their link.
She hid her pain well. It didn’t touch her scent or her features, yet I felt every ounce of it in each tear that trailed down her pale cheek. I wanted to pick her up, hold her in my arms, and comfort her. But both of us would suffer for that. While I was willing to endure anything, I couldn’t be the cause of any further pain for her. Yet, I had to offer her something.
“You’ve had a lifetime of being used and mistreated. I want to give you a lifetime of being cherished for who you are, instead of what you are.”
“You don’t even know me,” she said.
“I feel the pull. That’s enough for me to trust that I’ll like what I discover when you finally let me in.” I’d seen too many happy couples not to believe that.
“Let you in?”
I smiled and removed the ice. Then, I took the comforter from my bed and covered her so she wouldn’t need to get up again.
“You don’t lie and are honest in every word you say. It’s a skill only people with deep secrets learn.”
Her gaze stayed on me as I laid on the opposite bed and faced her.
“Deep secrets,” she said with a sigh. “I’m tired of them.”
“Would you like to tell me?”
“No. I’d like to pretend that the future I know is coming isn’t our future. If I wasn’t a Judgement and you weren’t an Elder, what would tonight be like?”
My first thought sent a shock of immediate pain through me. I set aside the mental image of her perfect breasts under that shirt and focused on a different version of our future.
“I suppose, if you weren’t a Judgement, you’d be a regular human, and I wouldn’t feel the pull for you. But I think I’d still notice you. I’d buy you a drink or two, and we’d spend the night talking about you.”
“Why not you?”
“Because I’m a werewolf and that’s the deepest, darkest secret we need to keep from humans. Especially now that they know we exist.”
“Do you think it’s pointless to wish for a future you can’t have?” she asked after a quiet moment.
“No. That would be like saying dreaming is pointless, and Bethi’s proven just how important dreams can be.”
“Then I’m going to wish for that future. A future where you’d buy me a drink, and we’d get to know one another because I know I would like you very much, Jim.”
She closed her eyes, and her tears eventually stopped.
I’d heard what Blake had said to her and knew that, as an Elder and her Mate, I could never let him have her back. But to what lengths would I go to keep that from happening?
Long after her breathing evened out, I lay on the bed watching her. Every time my mind wandered back to the moment she’d stepped out of the bathroom and walked toward me with the hint of her nipples showing through her shirt, the pain in my chest spiked. Why? Winifred said to listen to my heart. My heart was telling me the fragile, nearly broken woman before me was meant to be mine. Any guilt I felt over being lucky enough to have found her came from my damn head.
She sighed slightly in her sleep, drawing my attention to her mouth. A different kind of ache grew inside me. Longing. To hold her in comfort. To protect her. To show her kindness. Was this how Emmitt felt every time he looked at Michelle and saw fear in her eyes? I remembered my advice to wait and give her time. Olivia didn’t need time. She’d experienced too much of it already. She needed an escape now.
How are things with you? Winifred sent me, cutting into my thoughts.
We’re alive and breathing. She called Blake before she fell asleep. She thinks she’s keeping him at bay and buying us time by giving him updates.
Do you think it’s working?
I considered her question for a moment.
I don’t think it’s Blake we need to stall. Bethi and Olivia are both sure our time is running short. I think our clock is ticking no matter what Olivia tells him.
I agree.
How is everyone else? I sent back.
Good. Resting and healing. Isabelle and Carlos are with Grey. Sam is giving Gabby and Clay some space and staying with Bethi, Luke, and Henry. I’ll stay with Michelle and Emmitt for tonight. Sam, Grey, and I will keep watch while everyone rests. Reach out if you need anything.
The only thing I needed was answers. Why me? Why now? Why with Olivia? Deep down, I knew there had to be a reason. Once I figured that out, I’d know what to do about my feelings for Olivia.
I closed my eyes and briefly dozed. When I woke, I knew sunrise still remained hours away and got out of bed.
“Leaving?” Her soft voice surprised me.
“Only so I didn’t wake you,” I said, settling back into my spot. “Does your back hurt?”
“Yes, but only because I move in my sleep. Tell me your favorite memory.”
Her request made me frown. She hurt more than she let on if she wanted a distraction. I quickly reached out to Winifred.
Can you bring some more pain relievers? Olivia is awake, and I don’t want to leave her alone.
Yes.
“Favorite?” I said, addressing Olivia. “Not sure I have a single favorite. There are a lot of really good ones.”
“Tell me all of them.”
“Where we grew up, there weren’t always many cubs. Most of the time, it was just me, Emmitt, and Carlos. Carlos didn’t want to play too often, though. It bugged me that he preferred to be alone, and I decided he needed to have as much fun as Emmitt and I did.” I grinned, remembering the type of fun I’d gravitated toward. “What Emmitt and I did usually got us into trouble, and my young self was smart enough to know that if I wanted to pull Carlos into our fun, I’d need to do it when my parents and Grey wouldn’t stop me. So, one night, I woke up after everyone else was asleep. My parents never heard me sneak from my room, and Uncle Grey slept through me sneaking into their rooms, too. Carlos heard me, though. As soon as I opened the door to his room, he flew at me, a ball of shaking fur. At the time, I thought he was finally ready to play and shifted so we could wrestle on the floor. But, Carlos wasn’t playing. He was fighting like I was there to kill him. Uncle Grey had to pull him off of me. My nose bled, and I had a few bruised ribs.”
“That sounds awful. How is that a good memory?”
“After that, Carlos started talking. I’ll never forget Uncle Grey’s face when he sat us both down at his table to ask what had happened, and Carlos turned to me and called me an idiot. Not the best first word, but Uncle Grey had looked like Carlos said the smartest thing ever.”
She frowned slightly.
“Still don’t think it’s a good memory?”
She shrugged slightly and winced. I stood and went to her side, lightly running my fingers over her hair, the only way I could think to sooth her pain.
“That was the first time I realized good can still come from what might seem like a bad situation.”
Her pulse stuttered slightly.
“Don’t write off your life yet,” I said. “Something really good is going to happen.”
She tilted her head to look at me.
“Someone’s at the door,” she said.
I went to open the door for Winifred. Her long braid trailed over one night-gowned shoulder. Without a word, she handed me a small white bottle then started back to her room. I closed the door and went to the bathroom for a glass of water. Olivia sat up as I shook out two pills for her. I kept my gaze locked on her face. Looking lower wouldn’t do either of us any good.
“Thank you,” she said, accepting the medicine and the water.
She swallowed the pills down and handed me the empty glass. I returned the glass to the bathroom.
“Tell me another one,” she said when I sat on the bed across from her.
“No, it’s your turn. Tell me your favorite memory.”
Any trace of tired contentment previously on her face disappeared from her expression. Instead of answering, she lay down on the bed and pulled the cover up to her chin.
I rubbed the ache in my chest and lay down on the other bed so I faced her again.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Why?”
“For bringing up something that upset you.”
She took a long deep breath.
“It’s upsetting for so many reasons. My best memory is also the worst.”
“Tell me about it.”
“There’s not much to tell. It’s the moment I saw you.”
She closed her eyes, signaling she didn’t want to talk anymore. Yet, with those words, I couldn’t keep quiet.
“It’s the same for me.”
To see something I wanted so much and know I couldn’t have? It created a perfect balance of heaven and hell.
It didn’t take long for Olivia’s breathing to even out again. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. It took a long time before my mind let me.