Kaif sighs. “Then, her father took her away, leaving me with a son to raise. I was bitter and angry at Hades, but I still loved Luna with everything I had. She broke me when she returned, because she didn’t return for me. That crushed me the most,” he murmurs. I roll my eyes, not wanting to listen to his life lessons, the same old story over and over again. Just like fucking old people, though Kaif is still determined to give me these so-called life lessons, no matter how rational he can sometimes be. However, at this moment I want nothing more than to wallow in my own self pity.
“Then Hades cursed me, and as much as I hated him, she was his daughter, and I probably would have done the same if our roles were reversed. Yet, even with him cursing me, I still found I loved her, despite her hating me, and you know why?” Kaif asks, and I roll my eyes and exhale loudly.
“Why?” I ask mockingly.
“Because she was the mother of my son, that was one thing I could always love her for, for giving me a son, giving me Kage,” Kaif answers. My irritation grows, but I am still trying to understand, to see the point he is trying to make.
He keeps giving me reasons on why it is okay to love her like I don’t know them already, but what he fails to give reason to is why loving her is so dangerous. Not for us but for her. It would be selfish to subject Marabella to the same fate bestowed to those before her.
“And the others?” I ask. I don’t understand why he just keeps going with the curse. Why not just remain on your own and let it die out naturally? Stop the torment and future sufferings, when would enough be enough, when would he finally allow an end to it?
“I loved all of them, each and every single one of them. Even after they tried to do what they did. It wasn’t their fault, and I knew that. Yet, I loved our children more; I picked them over and over again, even if it meant destroying the women I loved repeatedly. I loved them, and I loved all my kids, Kyan. Why do you think I always made sure to keep them safe, to set their mothers free and their future kids free… I couldn’t just give up and die and let them rot in the shadows, not even Luna when she rejected me. Just because they were gone didn’t mean my love for them died with them. I couldn’t just abandon them.”
“But you didn’t abandon your sons?” I ask him.
“No, but I made a sacrifice just like what your father did, only different. He chose your life over him, he chose your future over his and Ella’s because she was an important part of it. He did what a parent is supposed to do. I get you’re angry and sad, but if the tables were turned, what would you have done?” I think his words over, and no matter how much I try to refuse to believe it, or try to find another logical solution, I know that no matter what – I would have done the very same thing. Or, if I did do something different in the end, the guilt would have made me do the same, anyway.
“Lucas was the same, Kyan; he didn’t have to take your father’s place and raise you. He did it because he wanted to. You were the last piece of his sister, his nephew. Your mother’s child, he could have hated your father for taking your mother as his mate. Especially knowing the bloodline was doomed; your father never hid it from her or Lucas. He made sure they knew what she was getting into. Your father was always upfront with him; that much is clear because Lucas always knew more than he should,” Kaif explains. Yet that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty for his death, and it certainly doesn’t make me change my mind about risking Marabella’s life or Jonah’s.
“Lucas did it because your mother loved your father, and he respected the mate bond. He then honored her by being there for you long after she died; he didn’t have to be. Lucas was always helping raise you, and he did right into adulthood. He took the place of your father, so you had one. You became his son too, and once you were grown, he still stayed when he could have left,” Kaif continues.
“Lucas could have had a life, instead he wasted it raising me out of some twisted obligation!” I scoff. He would be alive still if he walked away, as he should have.
“Yes, but you became his life because he chose you over himself; you were more important. Lucas stayed despite being petrified of the future your father told him would come true. The future he kept hidden from even us, and why is that Kyan? What do you think the future was that your father saw for Lucas?” Kaif asks.
“You believe Lucas knew Marabella would kill herself because of me?” I ask him.
“I know he did, because he stood right there and didn’t flinch when Eziah plunged that knife into his neck. He had plenty of time to move Kyan, but he remained where he was, accepted it and let it happen. He chose his son because you were as much his as you were your father’s. Lucas chose Marabella over himself because you needed her more than you needed him. Lucas didn’t need kids; he had you, and he was content with that because if he wasn’t he would have walked away, but he didn’t. A child doesn’t have to be made by you for you to love them like your own. Look at Jonah,” Kaif says and I know he’s damn right, but it’s still hard to wrap my head around. Kaif continues prattling on. Though I’m not going to admit it, I am actually paying attention to the old fossilized Lycan.
“You think you lost your father, but you gained two more. Andrei always treated us like his, just like he treated and loved Jonah the same as Rose. You lost your father but gained two others in Andrei and Lucas. Your father’s sacrifice was necessary for his son to live, just like mine was to ensure my sons did; even if it meant breaking my own heart and losing my mates. Your father and Lucas gave their last breath to ensure you took your next one. Just like I broke my own heart repeatedly by killing them to ensure my sons kept beating, you can’t have everything without losing something in return, Kyan.”
“But I have already lost everything, Kaif. Look around. No one is here!” I retort, unable to keep my anger and frustration in.
“Yes, because they’re waiting for you to pull your damn head out of your ass and stop wallowing over things you can’t change!” Kaif growls, and I scoff bitterly.
“Yeah, from the feelings earlier, they sure aren’t waiting, they are clearly too busy with each other,” I deadpan.
“And you call me jealous!” Kaif huffs.
“I’m not jealous; I am… happy for them?” Though those words taste wrong on the tip of my tongue as I say them. It is somewhat true, I am happy, just… I am struggling too.