Kyan
Time is not something I really pay attention to anymore. I felt Jonah with Ella earlier, and I have been fighting the urge to go to them ever since. Yet, I welcome the pain from my link to Jonah. I don’t see it as betrayal, just that Kaif was stupid enough to mark him as our mate. He was never intended for us, but for her.
However, the pain is a distraction from the torment of grief rolling through me. The guilt, anger, and profound sadness that ebbs and flows through me is relentless as I sit in this silent house. A house that is much too big for an entire coven, let alone one person. The coldness of this place becomes one with how I feel inside, cold as ice, none achingly cold that the numbness it leaves becomes painful despair.
Working just serves to piss me off even further, so I gave up on that idea the moment it arose. Our employees don’t deserve to put up with my attitude, or an uneasy Kaif rearing his head and snapping at someone. Yet the bottle in my hand doesn’t serve its purpose either of drowning my sorrow, it just makes me think more about it. I am consumed by my emotions, thoughts of what is happening, and trying to stay put.
“We could always go home,” Kaif growls at me. I scoff at his suggestion, shaking my head. Dumbass!
“We are home, idiot!” I snap. All this because he had to dip his wick in Hades’s daughter, I think with a snarl, earning a growl from Kaif at my thoughts. Oh, how one mistake can have a domino effect falling into the next generation and so on, destroying an entire bloodline, the same loss and heartache again and again. A never-ending loop of repetition of loneliness, unhappiness, failure and death.
“Home is wherever they are. This is just a house,” Kaif says, and I raise my eyebrows at his words and let out a breath. I know what he means, but I can pretend I don’t know. Yet, I am scared and conflicted.
“No, this is our prison to your past,” I spit at him bitterly. I am angry. Why should I have to pay for the mistakes of others? Why should I have to give up my mate, love and a chance at a normal life for mistakes I never made?
“This isn’t a prison, Kyan. You have a door you can walk out of. Your father doesn’t. None of them do. They don’t get a choice. You still have one, so make the right one!” I shake my head in disagreement, probably looking like a mad person if anyone had to see me right now arguing with myself. He makes it seem and sound so easy. When it is anything but! “It is that easy Kyan, you’re making it hard!” It can’t be that easy, can it?
“Yeah, because you were so accepting of Jonah when he was talking about fucking our mate,” I retort. I’m not going to put Jonah at risk and, in turn, put Ella at risk by going over there, even though that is all I want to do.
Fuck, the urge to just go. I am drawn to them, like a moth to an open flame, I would walk through fire for them, let it consume me and eat the flesh from my bones if it meant I could keep them, death wouldn’t faze me if they were my afterlife. It is taking all my restraint to not give into the temptation, to not ruin this moment for them.
Kaif sighs. “I didn’t disapprove, Kyan; I was just uncomfortable with the topic in question when I knew it should be us, beside her, too.” I shake my head. To me, it is the same difference.
“Doesn’t matter if the fact remains, we are destined to be on our own, at least then no more curse because no one will follow on the name, or our cursed blood, and I won’t have to abandon any kids, so we are good,” I tell him, swigging from the bottle, trying to bullshit myself into believing that shit. Because deep down, I fucking want it. Deep down I know either way with Jonah bearing my mark, any child he fathers with her will have the remnants of my DNA, too.
“It’s not just about following the Octavian name or bloodline Kyan, and he didn’t abandon you; Mara still loves us. You just refuse to allow her too!” Kaif snaps back. What does he know? He is a seven million-year-old, oversized, walking mutt. I scoff. He’s the one that started this all and should know better than any of us that her fate is set by keeping her, her death warrant signed by loving her. My anger returns.
“Yeah, because you loved your mates so much you killed them!” I spit, instantly regretting the words when I feel his hurt and anguish. Kaif falls quiet, yet remains at the forefront of my mind, pondering the words that left me and hurt him immensely. After what feels like the longest stretch of silence, he finally speaks just before I am about to apologize for the cruelty and anger that erupted from me. I don’t need to punish him; his own mind is torment enough, and I only add to it by saying those words.
“When I met Luna, I loved her instantly,” Kaif whispers in my head.
That is how I feel about Marabella. Even as a child, before our bond turned to love, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her by my side. A feeling back then, as a child, I couldn’t identify what it was. My underdeveloped mind mistaking it for less than what it was, not knowing the meaning of such words, only knowing the feeling that came with it. But now I know, it is exactly what Kaif spoke of moments ago, that feeling of home. A feeling of vulnerability without judgement, love without conditions, and a feeling of contentment like no other.