Honestly, I have no idea what I am supposed to say to that confession. This is the first time he has ever mentioned not being a good father to Andrei. Derrick turns back to the fry pan and returns his attention to us making pancakes.
“One thing I have never forgiven myself for is walking out on him. I should have taken him with me, I just hope I can make it up to him. I blamed Anthony for my mate’s death, though Andrei had her killed,” he muses, shocking me. Had I heard right? I did not know that Andrei killed Kat’s mother.
“Andrei killed your mate, and you forgave him?” I ask, unable to keep the shock from my tone.
“No, not him directly, but he helped Jackson’s men do it. I understand though, he saw Shirley as the one that took me away from him. Like I said Sage, I wasn’t a good father to Andrei. Anthony was a far better man than me. We all do things we regret, and I was honestly shocked when I discovered my son was raised by the one man I destroyed. So, don’t feel bad for me. Andrei had every reason and then some to hate me, this is my karma,” he explains.
“Yes, but everyone has regrets,” I argue.
“Do you have regrets?” Derrick asks.
I have no idea why I decided to mention anything about regrets in the first place. This has to be the first time that I have ever admitted that I have one. If only to myself.
Derrick is one of those people who has a comforting aura. Like anyone who stands near him would instantly feel comfortable to be around him. Besides, he reminds me a lot of Kat, with his no judgment policy. And he seems to honestly have a way of understanding people.
“Just one,” I whisper before I can stop myself.
“And what do you regret?” He asks.
“I regret asking my father if we could visit the flower meadow,” I confess.
“That’s the place on the other side. Near the town of the Bright, opposite side of the mountain, that flower meadow? Lovely place, we drove hours down there in spring to take Kat there when she was little. She loved that place, filled an entire basket full of flowers, and pressed them when she got home.” Derrick smiles as he recalls obviously pleasant memories. I wish mine were the same.
“Yes, that’s the one,” I answer softly as I force down the lump in my throat.
“You would be the first person I have ever heard to regret going there, so why is that?” He looks at me over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow.
“Did Andrei tell you about when he found me?” I ask him.
“Yes, he told me,” he says, and I nod.
“We were traveling in the opposite direction. We were supposed to go to the next town over, but I asked my father if we could go to the flower meadow. He agreed, mom also wanted to go, so we went there instead. When we left, we decided to camp just outside Bright on the outskirts of the forest surrounding it. That’s when they stumbled across us, killed my father, took my mother and me,” I tell him, my voice shaking by the end.
“You know that isn’t your fault, right? You did nothing wrong there Sage, you just stumbled across some bad people.” Derrick tries his hardest to reassure me that I hold no blame, yet no matter how many times I repeat that to myself, I still fail to believe those words. Deep down, I still feel guilty.
“I know it’s not my fault, but we also would have been in the next town if I never asked, and both my parents would still be alive,” I stress.
“Either way, those rogues would have caught someone. Unfortunately, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Your parents took you there because they loved you. Just remember that there was nothing you could do about it. What they did is on them, not you,” Derrick comforts, and I nod.
I don’t want to talk about this. The thing is that I know that what Derrick is saying is true. I really understand that now. However, as a nearly thirteen year old at the time, back then, all I saw was fault.
“My mate, Shirley, took a bullet for Kat. Jackson’s men took a shot at Kat. It would have killed her too, but Shirley shoved her out of the way. She saw it coming, and she threw herself in front of it to save our daughter.” Derrick gazes in the distance, looking like he is reliving the experience right before my eyes.
“That’s horrible,” I whisper. The worst part is that I don’t know what to say to comfort Derrick. Hell, I have never been able to comfort myself, let alone someone else. I feel terrible for Kat. I have no idea how her life has been, but one thing I know for sure is how awful it is to live, knowing her mother died for her.
“Not as terrible as knowing your daughter was capable of saving her,” Derrick whispers as he looks at me over his shoulder again. “She was going to, but I knew it would cost my daughter her life. So I took Shirley away before she could. I had to make a choice. I had to let one go, and I would have always chosen Kat. I don’t regret it. But I let one die to save the other and the hardest thing I have had to do was turn my back on my daughter while she begged me to let her save her mother,” he says as he scoops out another pancake and puts it on the plate.
Since I don’t say a thing, Derrick takes it as his cue to keep on explaining himself.